buck up! cheers!! :)

yay!! it didnt rain today!! i jus hv to get out of the hse....

catched Turista today.... thrilling movie!!

makes me think twice of going to a beach location... hehehe

i swear i was shaking the whole time!!! esp fm the centre part of the movie till the end.... hahahha

somemore the cinema is kinda empty.... no one even sit at our whole left side of the aisle, eveyone seated in the centre or right aisle... so we had perfect view!! n there we hv 2 "scary cats" at corner, trying to block our visions fm the gruesome scenes!! kekek sey! muhahaha...

Ir is being so irritating, making alot of noise n wanting to leave the cinema... rabakz seh!!! thanks eh, ur so not helping!!

so ok.... up next... Spiderman 3, Hot Fuzz, 28 weeks later, Pirates of the Carribean n more to come....

hahaha im back being a movie freak like i've always been!!

arrgggghhh window shopping always tempt me so much tt it leads to shopping... dammitz!!

cant wait for pay day....

btw there's an NS40 exhibition at tamp mrt there... so cool!!
i love the army n all the cool gadgets!!
i used to say i wld want to request for 1 week bmtc(no 1 wk will do, 3mth is too much.. hahaha!), n i shall say it again.... now the bag n xbo is so nice!!
tried the SAR21 jus now too... best nye!! so cool gt lazer beam
well... i hv an ex-officer 2nd Liet to guide me thru... wahahahaa....
saw familiar SCDF stuffs tt Fred n Z tell me about n army thingy tts kinda familiar to me... its like im suddenly so knowledgeable .... kirekan da terror ah! chey chey!! cos alot pple share their NS experience wif me n im so so interested!!
n ohhh Abg Hairul(SCDF DART) pix of the tsunami relief is displayed there too!! chey chey!! steady ar....


ok i gotta stop being an emo!! i cld easily cry simply by listening to sad love songs....
i jus cried in public jus now.... tamp mall to be precise! dunno y out of the sudden sad flashbacks/bad thoughts jus came rushing to my mind n i started to get all teary n red!! kekeke
come on, where's the positive side of me go?? gotta get out of my stress eating n my stupid emo shit!!!! Zann's gotta be stronger than this....


shutting down myself fm communication got me thinking....

i, myself, dunno wat im doing.... i dunno y i got scared when someone tries to get close n i always retreat.... Sot sey! Sorry la i jus cant la...


well.... i know now, for sure, i aint ready for any relationship yet....

only the right "one" will be able to end this fear n till then will i settle down... insyallah....




~~Love Zann~~

saturation point

hmmmm.... i hit my saturation point again!
the point where u "push" me n i wont even move.....
the "malas n tak kuasa nak layan' mode... haiz... tired la(not physically)

too tired to manage my friendster account alrdy.... so many messages to reply all the time, so many pple i dunno tts trying hard to capture ur attention...
haiz... sorry la eh, friendster acc is only for pple i know... i wont hestitate to reject request(tak baik seh aku) or dun reply at all. hahaha...
i mean, get to know me first la, be my friend den im ok...
its really annoying esp when ask/given hp number at first approach!!

tired to reply sms/ans calls too.... sori la....
lazy, tired, cant-be-bothered mood plus the weather's pretty laid back.
it kept raining... like forever.

been having time by myself lately....
hate it when pple interupt my peace....
hmmmm i guess its PMS, issit??

chocolates are my addiction now....
cravings gets so much stronger now... urgh!!!
n yeah, im getting so much chubbier n fatter. whatever. i know. wtf.
bye.

~~Love Zann~~

rain....

thanks to the rain.... im so drenched. changed three time n i still end up wet!! urrgghhh...
ohhh n i fell twice too... no serious injury though!!
fell off my skates n bike.... skates due to some stuff i did n bike cos its slippery!! haha... droplets of raindrops were so violent n strong tt it hit me hard... ouch.... the sudden strong rain hits my face real hard(ouch!) n distrupts my vision, i cant see a thing.... my whole skate, socks, t-shirt, short, undergarment all wet in matter of seconds!!
was shivering in cold!!! burrrrrrr.....

exam was tough bt i think can pass la....abit of help rendered to me!
gosh i miss yam badly!!

speaking of which, missing marlia too!! baby elephant princess miss ya marl!!! i rained! (cried)the news shock me i was shaking n cried instantenously..
ok... this is wat happenned, on mon, was marl send an sms saying she changed her number.... miss her. went to her blog, n even tagged her.
wanted to txt her but it was way past midnite past midnite. so i was thinkin of sms-ing in the morning....
the nxt morning, rvd news tt she passed away.... i was shaking!! i was thinking abt her jus yest n suddenly the news!
i asked ard desperately for confirmation..... alrdy break down n cry.... flashback of her/us together rushes in! the news jus cant be true!!!
shaf even drop by her hse to chk. hours later, shaf n eddy cfm tt she's fine, resting aft an ops. Apparently her hp was stolen sumone played a prank...
gosh!! its totally UNACCEPTABLE for pple to joke abt death of other pple.
syukurla she's ok nm....

im spoiling my skates cos i keep walking in mud, soil n water.... no choice!!
k im still drenched now.. need a warm shower n gd sleep.
its ard 1am n gtg work by 6am. bye!!

~~Love Zann~~

Graduation pix

gosh miss them all.....

hahhaha backdated pix.... now then i post them

link for our photo montage:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wn6aOaQ5oUQ#GU5U2spHI_4

~~Love Zann~~

law exam nxt wed i hadnt study at all...
im so screwed!! everyone seem to be so anxious and kept talking bout it
i guess the urgency/mood to study will come in later'
will try to study abit tmr.... i know i hv ALOT to go thru... *dead*

i think i like shifts!! :)
i get to spend more time with bro n sis!! loving it
miss bro alrdy.... had gd time with him on our hp hunt n stuff...
of cos i absolutely love time with sis... *hugs*

its a small world n its so true!!
alot of pple r i know happen to cross path one another... *winks*

yest my lil cousin Ayul came over n we had to babysit him...
poor sis hv to attend to him most of the time
tt super hype lil rascal keep running ard.... its tiring to have boys i guess
ok i want girls on my own.... boys r so playful n hyper... penatz!
had fun though....

past few days, my deployment seem to be good... rather slack
today's off n nothing is confirmed yet. i wanna go out.
but i hadnt had sufficient sleep past 2 days, infact hadnt sleep at all last nite...

i dunno y everyone keep askin if im married.... i guess tts common practise here
nxt qn, "ni mesti ade boyfren kan??"
nxt qn, "kenapa takde/taknak boyfren??'"
nxt comment: ""ur 23 tau.... bile lagi tu?? takpe wdlands byk lelaki.. sini leh cari la... no prob"
urghhh everyone say the same thing. kinda tired of listening to "'template" response...
its irritating actually....

someone keep teasing me n it irrates me! urghhhh stop it la eh.... shut up k...
n worst, u hv to be on my team!! hahahahaahaha
gosh miss the rest of the guys.....

im sorry i cant give wat u expected of me...
simply cant.... wasnt u... its jus me...

~~Love Zann~~

Happy Birthday to my lil darling!!! :)

tired fm going hm late lately....
fuuhhh almost everyday gt sumthin on...

ohhh i got my stuff alrdy n im very excited bout it... i still do!!

now need to find time off my busy schedules....

meet Ven yest, though little time spend but enjoyed it!! *hugs* love u n miss u babe!! looking forward to next meeting....

i always enjoyed a good conversation wif her.... "r u looking for a r/s or someone u wanna spend ur life wif??"

hmmmm something to ponder about....

alot of wise advices n sharing of stuff going on... thanks babe!!

hmmm looking forward to dec2008!

felt bad turning down Lyana n Rosy... gosh!

need to better manage my plans.... urgh!! no time la...

was really excited to be in ctc with Sya now... goodness we're so happy tt day we met!! haha old friends... still the same ol pple! :)

ish been spending alot now... so many stuff bought!! apparel esp
i realised tt im getting more n more casual these days... maybe its time to scrap all the "office" clothes n heels away...

so now, i hit way above my limits... hp bills need to be settled nxt mth...
ish ish i guess i HAVE to do OT alrdy.... cant survive... haiz...

oohh btw, HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY to my dearest sista ALLA!!!

*big hugs n kisses* love u so much darling!!!!

wewitt... dah 17 seh.... k i gtg buy groceries.... need to cook..

menu for today: beef spagetti, chicken & muchroom soup + garlic bread

n mini cake!!!

presents later la... need to go shopping wif her...

~~Love Zann~~

*cheers*

too much emotional stuff have been going on...
i didnt wish to elaborate here...
hv been disappointed n down back-to-back but i cant dwell on it.
sometimes its best tt u give in n let the other party hv the last say. even when u think its unfair or disagree with it. let it be. ur opinion or explanation or say may nt be need or necessary. jus stay calm n let pple think/say wat they want....
everyday is a learning day!!

im trying hard to manage my emotions. been managing it well.
i cant afford to lose myself. i really cant.

staying away fm work politics or gossips too.
as wat my aneh told me, "go to work, do ur work n go home"
im taking tt advise bro!! *hugs*
being the one of the 3 pple n also the only gal posted to my team makes me the minority. its alrite. no use complaining, instead start focusing on the positive side!
so far, i've been ok. survived so far. staying as low profile as i can be. :)

went window shopping with Saz!! coolness~
a date after a long long time!! haha starting to open up abit now
im loving it.... its making my shopping list goes longer. lol
getting my k2 soon, 7th grade is sufficient.... its whitish grey n i love it... cant wait to get it!! woohoo... retail price: $512
badly needed a watch.... damn! im eyeing the cream wristband nike merge!! such a beauty... $259
went to roxy jus now, unfortunately, the black super-nice chic winter jacket is no longer in stock!! urgghhh.... nvm more reasons nt to spend. it cost $198
chk out the Creative Zen V Plus 2gb Pink Limited Edition MP3!! its so cute n mini... i want it so much... changed my intentions of getting the i-Pod instantly!! but im nt sure if i need it.... will consider it though!! $179
i so want tt Pink/gold nike sneakers... so nice!! goodness $89.90 on disc!!
i dun need a psp but its so tempting.... esp the pink one!! $299

hmmmm im getting so materialistic!! haiz...
urgghh so many other stuffs i wanted to buy.... but nah, i cant!!

watched The Reaping jus now.... nice!!
i tot its some virus epidemic movie but its nt!! its some twisting triller.... haha.. jumped out of my chair n screamed a couple of times... im prone to tt la :p

~~Love Zann~~

im missing out on alot of stuff.....

ish ish.... sleep deprivation tires me up!!
need to sleep more...
i realised tt i've been doin all things im nt supposed to do... hahaha
goodness... Azizan... u need to be more discipline!!

i've been travelling alot these days... so funny hw i can spend so much money n time on it!! my ezLink card even went minus value tt i had to pay $7 in cash for my rides... been taking alot of taxi too cos im jus so tired + lazy!!!
been reviewing my expenditures past few mths.... alot spend on food n trpt.... ish ish.... i guess its time to convert all tt to products!!
yay... so i can shop n buy more stuff for myself!!! :)

yest... spend almost $100 at watsons alone... muahahahaha
i can easily spend $100 at ntuc too.. felt so auntie-auntie la go supermarket but sumhow i enjoyed doing it!! buying groceries n necessities for myself n the family... hehhe... habit seh!! mum alrdy nagging at me for buying so much stuffs home n spending alot!! hahaha..

oh btw, past few days been chilling out alot... been going hm really late...
last sun, 8apr, was our batch's last supper la.... only the expected pple turned up... basically me, yam, matt, fir, janna, fara, tapa.... n ras(yay!) n saz(yay!! jiwa seh budak tuas)... coincidently it was our 3rd mth tog as well!! fara's financee, redza n zool were there too....
so sad tt we're all in diff teams so tt means diff shifts n off days... no more part of the committe!! hahaha
:( im separated fm my "168" buddies.... haiz... unfair... nvm... life's always bout changes! move on zann....

yay.. finally gt my 1gb memory card..so trfrd all my files n dld alot of songs too... thanks ir~!! returned back his 64mb...
the best part: gt it for free... yay!! *hugs*
as usual, each time im there, i 'll fall asleep... hehehe.. paiseh seh... rabakz!! da penatz gile ar....
his mum cook sweet n sour fish.. yum yum... i like!! :)
ir complaint cos she practise favourtism... wahahaha.. too bad la eh...

alot of my old frens starts to come up to me n im loving it...
Liyana... i love n miss her alot... so excited tt she called!! she's getting married in july... gosh miss her alot!!
Juliana, Widya n Fizah... miss them too... suma da ade family! ok i feel old.... padahal same age!!
Rosiyana... sori babe.. been busy la... will schedule a meet-up soon...
Fred.... we're gd now... happy tt he's happy!!
San.... gosh miss him!! need to catch up with tt teacher la...
meet n bump into a couple of old frens/colleagues....goodness miss all of them alot!!!
ohh speaking of which, meet my dearest Kak Reeina n she says im so tembam n fat n tanned now!! hahaha really tt bad huh?? miss her now!!

i've been so preoccupied with watever-stuff-i-dun-even-know tt i missed out on alot of stuffs!!!
havent been watchin tv lately!!! gosh, this cant be happening!! im a tv freak!!! miss all my programmes.....
i havent been dating in a long time also.... dunno y i put a stop to it... nt interested la...

i miss my b.... cant wait for friday....
goodness... fri plz come by quickly.... cant wait!! hehehe

oh btw, im attached to a mentor nw, her name is kak samsiah... tts my granny's name!! she's very knowledgable!! can be a lil strict la but its all good... i need to learn as much as possible before i be on my own later...

tonite's gonna be my first nite shift... hahaaha
hopefully it'll be fun... i hv to tahan the whole shifts... im sort of an nocturnal creature!! hehehehe cheers!!

~~Love Zann~~

i guess i pretty blessed to hv pple ard me to care bout me
so sweet~~~

i was rather upset bout my team posting but i decide nt to brood over it.
pple hv been telling me to ask for transfer... nvm.
work is work... im gonna try to make work a fun thing... even when pple hv so much negative remarks bout my team. so im fine nw
ok team schedule is out!! time for real planning...

i think i change abit now....
im so much calmer... less egoistic... more straightforward... more patient...less arguementative.... less stubborn... i tend to be contented easily...
but im still the same chatty, friendly, smiley, nonsense me!!

been feeling bloated these days... gosh!
had been chilling out for supper the past few days!!!

meet alot of pple in life... i've seen so many kinds of pple...
actually everyone is naturally nice, its ur approach to tt person tt changes everythin.... human r interesting creatures!! its been a gd experience to know diff kind of pple.... :)

hmmm.... need to buy alot of stuff this mth... goodness!!
before i get my pay.... i can "feel" it gone!!
i seem to receive alot of mails attention to my name these days!! wahahaha
i really want a holiday amytime soon... maybe in august!! i dunno whr to go to though! hehe

life is so much easier when u learn to accept things the way they are and dun complaint much.... everyday is a learning journey!!

~~Love Zann~~

Sucky!!

first day of work went on fine....
nothing much to elaborate...

for the first time i went to JB with not even a single cent with me!!
hahahaha... went directly aft work. it was an impromptu thing!!
the feeling of nt having money in a foreign country sucks!!
i was suprised mum approved me of me going... cool! came hm ard 3am.

raijab told me tt im posted to the most fucked up n super "ön" team: Team Bravo
its really irritating esp when my frens call/sms me to tell me tt im posted to team B while they dun even know which team they're in!!
ish i was really upset cos they're really strict n hate to follow rules n the pple in tt team r not fun... urgghh!!
told my parent n was bitching bout it this morning.. hahha... they think im jus being childish... yeah2 i "need" to be professional
hmmmm.... nvm....
its all bout the pple in the team tt make life's easier... hopefully they're nice...
well... i like to think positively n so-called put my socialising skills to a test!! hahaha (im trying to console myself here!)

~~Love Zann~~

falling sick....

had a bad headache!!! feeling so giddy.. vision blurred

almost collapsed jus now... almost!!!

so i didnt go work today... wed will be my official first day...

doc says its due to tension... again?? haiz.... told him i wasnt pressurised but i really dun wanna argue.... jus wanna go hm... he prescribed me a different drug today... pacofen is no longer safe for me... hahahaha...

told me i need to detox n exercise... wahahahhaaha...

im very sure its nt depression... i jus needed time off... :)

but i do admit tt im rather emotional n disappointed these few days....

my emotions are as erractic as the weather!!! n im trying hard to manage/cover it up...

I realised tt i've neglected myself.... gt no time for myself

i never took care of my personal grooming or time off alone....

so today im gonna take the time to reflect on myself n plan....

i wana go cook, eat, medication, sleep den do some self-reflection... a time on my own

i hate it when i had to reject someone.... over n over again... haiz...

i dunno wat else to say to make the hurting lesser..

the response i get may sometimes affect me in the end... of cos, i feel bad all the time... Some of those still plays in my head... y do most guys like to play the "guilt" factor on me?? all kinds of responses i get...

".....zann, tts a diplomatic reason with a diplomatic answer...."

".... tts the least superficial.... an expected answer fm u.... tc bye...."

".... klah i get it now.... nxt time when ur engage wif someone, do invite me...."

"... i know tt i dun deserve someone like u..... its true wat the say... ur expection r high!"

".... y r u avoiding me?? da action eh skg.... yelah i ni sape?? "

haiz y do pple i hv no attraction to r always coming up to me?? i hate to be the one doing this all the time....

isnt it obvious tt im nt interested if i dun ans call/sms or layan at all? y put me in such difficult situation all the time?? y cant all of u jus chill n leave me alone??

~~Love Zann~~

random emotions

im shutting my doors again... *slams*
haiz... i dun get it.... i jus couldnt read u.... was is it??
y cant everythin be clearer so i cld understand better??
ur action n words are confusing me.... maybe its harder cos we're jus too open
im usually sure of things but somehow i really dunno this time!! n tt sucks
hmmmm it still makes me smile whenever i get a jus a glimpse of you but im unsure if u feel the same way....
i need to stop this.... im playing the one-sided game.... argghh!!!

work up early at 6am n went to cck to return n bring hm stuffs
gosh gonna miss tt place!! really love the comfy place.. will miss it!! :(
den rush hm, changed n go outz again!!
went to Arts hse wif Jassy for some gig.. was something new... first time for a gig!! :)
didnt expect tt someone to be so energetic n popular!! wow... so much passion in him.... its cool!!!
he's a rockstar!! hahaha... well wat do i know bout playing music?? but he's really gd at it!!! tts for sure....
meet an old fren there... chatted for awhile.... kinda miss the old times...
he's bugging me to plan a gathering.... haha.... wen it comes to planning, y must it always be me?? its hard work u know!! everyone's like going separate paths in their individual lives...
chill in geylang n simpang for awhile before i headed hm...

im over u.... i really am...
i jus care alot for u... i believe u know tt too!
all the best in life my dearest fren.... ur irrepplaceable n u knew tt but i dun plan to replace u....
i needed someone new.... nt a replacement.... it aint right to compare ok...
u made me so miserable in the past which put me into so much pain n desolation ... my life was destroyed thereafter n im picking up my self gradually...
but im also thankful tt u used to make me so happy, loved n treating me like a princess.... lets jus put the past behind.... move forward....
im never jealous of ur gf or r/s cos she'll nvr be better than me in any way possible... haha!
im jus mad cos i believe u deserve someone so much better..... someone who can treat n love u better....
i hate it wen someone took advantage of or mistreated u!! i've always been tt way.... u shd know tt!!
no time for regrets..... we talked about this many times!! i believe everythin happens for a reason....
we both alrdy accepted it so lets nt brood over it again....
"... sayang.... yg sudah tu sudah....." hehehhee
i hope u know tt i'll always be here for u whenever u need me, my dearest fren....
yes, i love u but in a different way now.... *love love*

tmr will be my first offioial day at work.... n its draggy!!
i dun feel like going back to woodlands... urrgghhh!!

im waiting for tt someone to spare some time for me....
where r you??? come back
you're so close yet so far.... ur sms r so touchin la....
i know i've been busy lately but it doesnt mean i dun care/think of u.... miss hanging out wth u... *hugs*

i hope to catch up with the rest of my friends...
y r pple so busy nowadays??

~~Love Zann~~