--**Zany Zany Zan**--: August 2006

Batam Trip

ohhh goodness!!! ok. the first thing: I WAS LATE!!
hahahaha... couldnt wake up, luckily joyce woke me up at 7am bt hv to rush like mad cos the bus leave at 7.15am. muahahhahaa.. of cos cant make it la!!! went straight to harbourfront centre.
my biggest mistake: i overestimated the mrt service on sunday!!!!
i cldnt hv make it. haiz. reach tamp mrt at 7.39am, missed the train. waited freaking 9minutes for the nxt one. connecting train at outram make me wait for another 11min for the next train!!!! urgghhh..... n the speed of the trains were FREAKING slow. cos i forgot!! its a sunday!! no choice, cant take taxi, gt no money....

reached. saw Ir. boy, he was damn calm!!! rush to the gate. it was 8.32am, ferry leaving at 8.45am. wasnt allowed to go in. was told to contact my agent. "huh? wat agent? who's my agent" i dun even know. i knew tkts can be rescheduled, i rem tt when i was working with TA or issit in sch? Call Kak Reeina, spoke to Chand but he also kancong.. haha. took him so long to answer my simple qn "wats the first destination of the itinerary?" Ir told me to stay calm. i did. we alrdy arranged for our next ferry ex-sin at 9.35am but he still havent given us an answer.... haha. when he finally did we arranged for private trfr tt cost $20. i knew it could hv been cheaper if we took cab fm there but for safety reasons, Ir insist on it. wats there to complain, im nt paying for it anyway..... haha....

so we took a stroll..... he was so sweet, bought delifrance breakfast, kinder boeno n drink for me... haha.. we both chilling. totally forgotten the fact tt we missed the ferry n the whole group. wow. our ferry was like so empty. so calm. harry porter playing on tv. almost like our private ferry. so gerek!! den reach immigration, no much pple. i hate queuing up jus to get tt chop! [urgghh tell me bout BKK apt. super-slow, super-long q] the next thing i know, a man walk up to us and said, "the car is waiting for you outside"woah.. PPS!! hehhee
in the car, we chatted abit. the driver is the boss of the travel agency!!! was told in sg to go to go-kart but he ctc his tour guide n was told tt they r still on the way to massage. we were like, "huh? r u sure?? ok go SPA then"' cos we wanted spa. i need massage.

to be continued..... [need to go work] bye.....

Random pix for Valerie Bday & Sulina Hen

before dinner....

me at work

at Royal Club Suite, Royal Plaza on Scotts hotel

past midnite......

Miss... miss... everyone! emo

i somehow felt lonely....
i didnt go out at all for past few weeks or so.... anyone wanna ask me out?? *hehe*

since the start of this week, i've been rather excited. a least some things to look forward to. Yay! American Top Supermodel is here again!! tt will fill up my Mon nite tv time since Desperate Hsewife's season ends. Hmmm i wonder when's the next season for The Amazing Race??!!
Gosh, im such a TV freak. if i subscribe to starhub cable, tts it, i'll be glued to my tv....

emotions have been rather unstable.... sucks.
been rather emotional. got hurt VERY easily. sometimes i felt like the whole world r jus talking about themselves, bout their lives. no one bothers to at least be aware of my existence.
no one pays attention to me. its ok. im very used to it. but it hurts at times :(

im planning to go JB on thurs. watever for? do wat? i dunno. i jus wanna go there.
Friday. TGIF!!! meeting up the girls. miss u girls so much!! *hugs* hope we gt time to catch up though its only dinner, Ven wanted something more after dinner. Hehe.. *wink* wink*
gosh its been months i last met YY. gosh, msg her n she's in London!!! woahhhh jealous man!! hopefully she can make it this time, if not, Ven & Jolyn will be jus fine....
Sunday. Hmmm... sunday going Batam!!! i seriously dunno how fun it gonna be.
will it be? its jus batam. but im looking forward to my massage & go-kart!!! :)

FRIENDS. where have all my friends go?
maybe its true wat pple says "Friends come & go..." but its sad isnt it??
Primary sch friends.... haha, duno... i cant recall alrdy....
Secondary sch friends... where r u guys now?? wat happen? it seem impossible to even meet up for awhile?? Y? pple these days r so preoccuppied with their own lives...... haiz.....
My NPCC mates, my batch pple, my NCOs...... whr r u guys?
Poly friends. Thank god we r still contacting n meeting up!!! though not frequent but we still do make time despite our busy lives n despite we all lives in diff zones of Singapore. Thank u guys!! Love u all.... *muackz* still rem the MRT lines?? west, north, east, north-east lines..... lol
Singtel frens..... still ok la. still in contact with Mel, Irah, Tommy kor-kor, Donald, Alvin ge-ge, CX. where's my Sherwin kuya?? the rest go NS. met Shreni yest. ish i miss all the mummies(team leaders)!!! but i dun miss the work. haha
Teletech frens. gosh! my batch left me, Sulina, Shafie & Rizal. still close contact with Sofiah though. Juliza also. the rest?? didnt keep up with them. Esli, my dear fren who inform me of this job... wat happen? miss u gal. Shaf, somehow dun talk to him as before. Ever since.... ?? Been close to Joyce but recently, we're like slowly drifting apart. haiz... im jus nt part of the smoking 'gang'. haha. the smoke makes me dizzy n my heart hurts. maybe i so-called left myself out. i dunno. im on good terms with everyone at work though. no hatred or watso-ever.
haiz... Liyana, Esliza, Hidayah, Sheeda, Shaz, Aisyah, Noran, Wati, Juliana, Faizah, Shahirah n lots more.. whr r u gals at? My whole whacky "malay-speaking-or-at-least-understands-malay quite-well"class of Sec 5C!!! miss u guyz....
Khairudin, miss u giving me advices n comments.
Ain. Widya. call me whenever ur free.
Sanusi. Herman. Shahrudin. where r u?
Amir Hamzah. i dun wanna miss u. missing u tortures me.
kinda miss everybody.... really, everybody!!

my sis complaint tt i dun spend time with her. haiz.... (duno y u complaint when im at hm the WHOLE time!!!)
sori darling... u gt to focus on N levels, u better study. i still love u. next month, gt to treat her to nice dinner.

ish.... cant wait for next week, its PAY day.

finances running low.... really low....

Sunshine after the Rain

wow... its been some time i last blog huh??
been busy, actually jus plain lazy!!!

life is jus so full of suprises!!!
i've had my fair share of ups and downs.....
but i think i shouldnt dragged on my 'downs'
its time for me to move towards the brighter side of lifes....
im moving.... slowly..... step by step... baby steps
moods have been good lately....
sorry, i DID previously cut the whole world from me and hide in my crib!!
the girl jus need sometime being alone
i've stayed numb, been on lousy/foul mood, shed too many tears, straightened out my thoughts now......
i will back to my normal self soon.... hopefully
excited to be back!!!

i really dunno wat am i thinking!!!
im nt thinking of the consequences, i'll hv to deal with tt later....
i know i WILL(soon) be in deep SHIT!!
wat matters now is.... my heart need to stop suffering.... its jus something i cant fight, something i cant stop, something tt is naturally there.....

Anyway, been keeping up this super-lazy, super-slack lifestyle for sometime....
been a good girl, doing abit of hsework, staying hm the WHOLE time, watching tv....
yes im 21, but im still very much controlled..... good/bad?? up to individual!!
i dun wanna end up like ''anak metro'' or doing something against my personal pride

like carlo says, "zann is a mummy's gal" haha....
jus to make it clear.... IM NOT ok!!!! infact, im mummy's least fav child!!! lol
i've been independent on my own since i was a child..... i dun get emotional support n nt much of financial support, attention fm my parents. i struggled thru my teenage years with tons of stress weighing on my shoulders!!
*sob sob* i have to work my way thru... be it leisure, education or simply my own clothings n personal possession... so im VERY proud of myself n watever stuff i own or things i spend on now.....
curfews n hsework is jus something tt u cant run away fm this family.... haha.... bro n sis will agree with me on this...... its a mutual understanding in the household rules!!
BUT the funny thing is.... i am allowed to go on overseas trips!!! funny, aint it? tts good enough.... i guess!!

im happy with life the way it is.....
its best to keep expectation low n appreciate every single good gestures!
i wanna be happy :)

PS: will update Valerie's 25th bday pix soon.

Love,
Azizan

Slack too much.....

summarised..... summarised...

basically weekends is slacking at hm.... really really slack. all i do is wake up late, eat, watch tv, eat,watch tv, eat, sleep for the whole of Sat n Sun. Sat off also no use, aint gt the mood to go out.
sun evening, meet up wif Ven, Jo n Mike.........................
--Nice to Ven & Mike so happy together
--Good to see Jo in a long time
Thanks Jo for staying at the station n talk n hearing me out.... gosh, we talk till... im nt sure hw many trains had past till we finally parted our east/west directions!!! Sorry gals, im nt as bubbly as I always had been, was very quiet.... i tried talking.... jus no mood.... its jus me!

Work is getting more n more draggy. Arghhhhh!!!! This week is Mufti-week.... even more reason to be super-slack, super-laid back
Monday, again, stay hm n slack.... Last episode for Desperate Housewife..... nice!! gonna miss it for a while....
Jus now, meet up with Ain, didnt expect Is n Suhaila to be there... but we're all cool.... cos i was really really tired.... nt sure issit too much food n slackness[is there such a word] makes me so dull.... kinda like my blood not circulating well....
Gosh, my lifestyle & my food intakes are nt healthy... nt sure if i cant do somethin bout it... im losing control... im losing it.... im losing my confidence also..... haiz....

Anyway, Marlia did for me french manicure at work... hahahhaa.... super express service.... thanks darling!! Btw, cfm going to Batam on 27aug. co's one-day trip. last company trip/event. Nt sure if our Changi Camp is still ongoing, hopefully it still is. Chalet in sept. Great.
Gosh i spend alot of my time wif these pple.... pple whom we normally called colleagues, no, they're my friends!!! i cant imagine come dec/jan, we'll go seperate paths. *sob sob*
anyway, im drifting away abit.... maybe cos im a lil quiet n dun join in for lunch. sorry, blame on my stupid mood n i really hate the same routinal place la.... time for a change la!!
i absolutely LOVE our all ladies lunch or L-O-L.... hahaha

So funny.... pple dun realise how stubborn i am....
btw, pple dunno who Amir Hamzah is??? hahahha... cool.....
im sorry but i dun hv the power to move on tt fast, dun think i want to also. my heart still say the same thing.... i can honestly n openly say, I love U always, but im still unsure of wats my next step will be!!
Jus to make things clearer, Ir & me have been close friends, we dun contact tt much due to busy schedules. but never lose contact. we quarrel, yes! enemies, no! never....
There's never a rule saying tt u shd hate each other after break-up wat!! Being on good terms also doesnt mean things r back together..... heh

A fren told me tt she can still sense the strong chemistry between us, but chemistry alone is nt enough.
Love, Care, Concern, Comfort, Companionship, Communication, Commitment, Trust, Honesty plays a part too.
Physical looks, Financial Stability is something u can work on or live with it.
In other words, Attitude, Personality n the Heart is all tt matters......
Lets jus wait n see..... lets see wat happens WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS......