entry's a lil bout work in general

i kinda get tired lately....
been eating n sleeping ard alot lately...
there nvr seem to be enough rest.. or maybe, im jus so freaking lazy

i dunno y im feeling so stressed out now...
pimple keep popping up on my face!! dammitz
n i hate the fact tt im putting on more weight.... arrgghh!!
stop telling me tt my cheeks are chubbier n im getting rounder n flabby all over!!

i jus dun get it... y am i going in circles?? y r things so complicated??
wen something i really want/hope for is right there infront of me, i dun grab it!!!
instead, i take a step back n re-consider n in the end, i choose to run away fm it...
haiz...

i realised tt i've nvr wrote anythin here about my new job
hmmmmm..... ok....
so im working for almost 3mths alrdy.... still on training though
right now, im attached to woodlands chkpts for my OJT!!!
i cleared so many pple in one day alone!!! getting tired of looking at pple's face, verfying details n profiling them everyday... its pretty tiring!!!
i know they're tired but they dun hv to give me tt tired or grouchy face at my counter!! im tired too.....
this week is my last morning... thereafter, aftn shift all the way.. gonna suck man!!

anyway, these few days workload is pretty ok...
today was especially slack... i had so much time tt i kept drawing n scribling...
i even prepare my financial budget for nxt mth cos apparently, i went overbudget this mth!!!
talking bout finance... haiz... im such a failure.... i spent so much i cant withdraw cash anymore!! its crazyyy... really crazy.... i jus spend spend spend!!!!!
they pay me 2mths' pay in advance!!!! tts y im like so excited to receive so much!! haha
but i really do buy alot of stuff i need or want n dine....

ohhhh btw, my OJT is extended.... urrgghhhh!! darnz
i wanna go back to hta!!! den i'll get sat n sun off!!
i wont be able to meet the budget for our batch polo-t.... shit!!
the guys r gonna kill me n bug me for the polo t.... camne ni?? whr am i goin get cheap embroised printing??
hmmmmm i really hope kl trip is gonna happen!! some of the guys werent agreeable to it... haiz... its hard being the organiser when pple jus r so different n nt tt open.... y must i always be the one to organise things??? uurrgghhhh!!
no one hv the initiative la n they self-employed me to do it n expect me to announce n plan... ish ish... lazy pple!! nvm nvm....
i'll do it... i like it anyway..... :)

i think i kinda sleep alot these few days....
eat den immediately sleep... tts bad news.... im jus freaking tired these days!!!
i need to start exercising man... gosh i keep saying it but no actions done!
hahahahhahahaahahhaa

~~Love Zann~~

Enough enough for now

ok.... i wanna stop all these emo shit!!

i wanna down my sorrows n pains....

dun care of wat pple think alrdy.... wherther im gd or bad, gossip still rise up!

watever!!!!

lets just enjoy life!!!!

i wanna hv some fun.... goodness its time!! im 22 n single dammitz!!

i miss alot of pple.... friends whom i havent ben contacting in a long time!

n i miss my darling Yam!!

~~Love Zann~~

break down n cry.....

Im feeling terrible now
I dunno wats becoming of me now… I really dun!
I felt so lost, so lonely, so out of place

So many had happened
So many things going ard
Gosh…. Gimme strength… plz….
Im trying my best, my very best to be strong each n every day

I suck in everythin…. Love, family, sports.. everythin…
Im such a failure….
Sometimes I felt lonely…
“wat the heck happened to me??” my life changed so much aft wat happened… its still fresh on my mind….
Im still fighting though… im nt gonna give up….still trying hard… its so freaking hard
Im still scared… I still hold tt fear
Ir n me r on good terms on diff levels, I still look up to him cos to me,he understands me the best.. But I cant be too dependent on him alone, everyone hv a life on their own..
Im trying nt to get other pple involve, one by one, im moving away…. Trying to take matters at my own hands….

I cant seem to get out of this stupid cycle.. I cant seem to move on…
Keep stepping back!!
Cant fight it!! I tried n gave up… many times….
When im abt to overcome it, pressure keeps coming back
I am so tempted to run away…. I really wanna move out!! Its nt “my” hse anyway..
I wana stay in some place I can find peace n quiet, a fun place wld be a bonus!

Im very tired of it, very tired of acussations, any type of assumptions, gossips n rumours,
I hv been honest to pple who bothered to care n ask, I am willing to clarify
Everythin hv its limitations….. im no exception

Im tired of family drama as well….
Im sorry if u think im being rude but Im nt, i mean wat I said cos it’s a fact….
I cant hate u cos I simply cant….. I dun bear grudges cos I believe in forgiving….

Im feeling so guilty of hurting pple ard me.. pple i care about'
i really cant commit to anyone....
y cant anyone understand tt??
urggh stress i building up for me.... let me be free....

Haiz….. life gets tougher by the day!!!
In my quest to find true happiness….. I hope I’ll find peace n the one soon….
Lack of love, care n concerns jus bring damage to your life
I wanna be a princess…. Again….

~~Love Zann~~

im tired of "this kind of life"
arrrrrggggghhhhhhh.......

let me out asap!


~~Love Zann~~

ignorance is bliss!! but being inquisitive, knowing can be fun!!

yest i officially start on my own... it was alrite
i get my own privacy n pace... i like it!
today... im on OFF!! yay! bt aft today i hv to work 7days straight for my nxt off! darnz....

i still find it amazing how fast news bout me travel... wow!
its interesting hw jealousy can push a person!
lets jus say... although im nt used to this kind of 'high profile life' tt pple love to gossip about, im getting used to it. somehw it gets numb
thankfully for me, i hv this "i dun care wat u think" attitude
let pple say wat they wanna say, add ingredients to make their stories more interesting... let it be... as long as i know the truth is with me, i hold the key to the truth.
some r gd la.... while some pple r jus jealous, n wants to ruin my life, haiz i cldnt undertsand y....
if someone bothers to ask, i am glad to clarify, if nt, then its their problem!
i cant be bothered to convince pple tt im nt wat they think...

popularity do comes in a package huh?? paparazzi ard me loves me i guess!! hehe
i nvr ask for popularity or publicity, pple ard me made me one....
issit my fault tt pple wants to get to know me n nt u?? fuck u bitches!! get a life!!

i dun mind pple who show tt they dun like me....
i hate backstabbers!! those who so nice to u but main blakang nye...
im normally naive n wont think bad of pple, i usually dun care much... nw its very obvious tt ur targetting me! i see ur plan now.... ur playing the innocent game. u wont be satisfied till u bring me down!! i wont do anythin... i wanna see ur game plan... lets jus wait n see....
im sure there r more of u pple out there.... but i cant be bothered to know who u pple are, it'll be fun if i know though.... i know i'll eventually know....

i guess im lucky enough to hv the buzz coming back to me...
im thankful tt pple ard me r shielding n making me aware of the situations... so so so many situations!
its true wat they say, "wat goes ard, comes ard"'..... i will get to know somehow... alhamdulilah
but im fine, i jus smile n laugh it out. its funny la... they love to enchance me n push my stardards high, its pretty flattering in a way.... the comments given were also interesting!! wow i wonder hw long these pple know me?? 3-4 yrs?? haha...
its amazing how they take notice of wat i do, my whereabouts, who im with, n even my shift schedules tt even i cldnt care much about... wow!!
it was fun getting feedbacks, yes, i regard them as feedback nt offence.

though gossips hv been spread upon.... wat do u gain??
pple still are befriending me... new n old... im still standing strong, smiling my way(apart fm the other probs i hv).... i hv the upperhand
i still hv my own reliable backups n i am true to myself....
its too bad ur nt tt "hot" afterall.. give up man....
im nt gonna fight cos i dun hv to, all of u r jus nt my match.... cheyyy!! haha...
so yeah, keep on trying n work your way to bring me down... i dun give a damn!!!!
see!!! all these pple do is boosting up my ego n confidence! lol
its my gain in the end....

~~Love Zann~~

Some outdated pix.. haha

~~Love Zann~~

some thoughts

OMG!! I think I put on 5kg more!!!
Got my posting alrdy, now on OJT.. darnz its 6days week. Urgh!!
Im the only girl on my team n we hv weird schedules compared to others….
Goodness…. Afternoon shifts is like tt la…. Go hm, eat n sleep, wake up, eat, tv, go work
Kinda tiring!! It’s the journey tt tires me out!!
So far, things are doin ok for me…. But its still too early to say anything too fast
All I know is tt the job is taking a lot of my time tt I hadn’t had the time to hang out with family n friends!! :(
I NEED TO START TO DO TIME MANAGEMENT WELL!!!

I cant wait for payday…..
Financially broke!! Gosh I seem to be spending a lot…. alot alot alot!! Dunno y
I used to be good at saving, NOW, its hard to even survive…..

Ever since I became single on my own….. Life changes alot, a drastic change!! And im still not used to this carefree lifestyle!! Got to adapt to this new phase in life…. I gt more freedom n there’s no one to hold me down, no restrictions…. So on n so forth! It could be good or bad…. It depends….

Singlehood can be fun but stressful too…. Hp bills getting higher n higher…. Rumours n gossips spread like fire!! Wow…. Suddenly become the hot topic pple love to talk about…. Pple I dun even know recognize n knows me…. My whereabouts or whatever I do or go pple eventually get to know…. And I didn’t enjoy it at all… Kinda of irritating to find out bout so many untrue or “added-on” stories…. Jealously is always a part of all human beings…. Haiz….

I realized tt I’ve been sort of a heartbreaker too…. Gosh! Wats happening to me?? I mean no harm to anyone…. Trying hard nt to get too close, I am stepping back as soon as I realize something is going somewhere…. It scares me when pple start confessing…..
There’s a fear in me…. Fear of commitment…. I’ve given everythin for my past relationship n fear of another failed one. I jus cant take another disappointment…. I cant give everything anymore….. Its too painful n risky….


~~Love Zann~~