opps i forgot to post this one earlier.. so sad didnt hv pic wif my frens.. guys out there, plz send me the pix ok... i dun hv it. 

Picnic cum BBQ

its almost 7pm n im back at hm...
so tired now, luckily took cab hm... feeling so lazy to switch buses.
ok... jus had picnic cum bbq with Ir! nice! the marinated chicken is so nice! honey flavour.. yum yum! my gosh... 2 persons eating 2kg of chicken, 2 packets of hotdogs n 2 packets of crabsticks! muahahahha... nah, we couldnt finished it... brought home some only cos most of it in our tummy!! we also bought out snacks also la... woah alot of food!!
hehehe.. as expected nobody came cos Amir is very fond of last min invitation... how can pple make it?? haiyo... nvm. had fun. i was gloomy n moody b4 i get there but i came back cheery!!

the sun wasnt tt hot jus now, i dun think i get a darker skin tone... nvm.
b4 we start, we both know we dun bring extra clothes to get wet but as i was playing in the water, Ir splashed water at me. WAH too much, so i splash back. den he splash back... i run further away fm him but in the end my short get wet. stupid me. run in water, of cos wet! since im wet, he has to be wet as well.. so i went back n splash! wahhahahaa... he ran after me, its so hard to run in sands. shit he carried me to the water n almost throw me in. i was spared when i apologise profusely. hahhaa...
i was playing at the beach den left my sandals on the sands n walked back to our tent bare-footed. got carried away bbq the food. 20mins later, i found out my sandals not found anywhere near me, walk down to beach n was shock to see my sandal was gone! GONE!!!
i panicked for awhile... but was very sure i left it there.. on the sands!! i called out for Ir to help me search. HOW AM I GOING HM W/O SANDALS??
search high n low for it... its not within my sight... we realise the tide is higher now so it must hv drift away by the waves....spore waters r not clear btw, how to spot my sandal?
luckily Ir spotted one of my sandals, he quickly removed his shirt n bermudas n swam towards it!! yay... i got one side!! den few seconds later, he spotted another side.. this time... far far away at the sea... poor Ir had to swim so far to get my other sandals back... WAH MY HERO!!! hahaha... if not i wont hv anythin on my feet. BUT he gt prob cos he didnt hv extra undies... now tt its wet!

later... Ir got an idea!! haiz tt guy juz cant keep still, he's full of ideas...
he cut off the leaves of the coconut tree den he he sharpened the ends of it with his knife n did the same for other 8 leaves! THERE, we hv 8 so-called SPEARS! haha.. the ends r so sharp tt when we throw it in the air, it gets rooted to the ground. den he found some nylon ropes on the beach n use it as the starting point, so we compete who can throw the furtherest n the 'spear' must be rooted to the ground not left lying on the ground. haha.. fun fun fun!!
den we started to aim at the coconut tree's leaves, the spear must be aimed at the leaves, this time i sucks!! cant aim....
later, he started to change his target at me! WOAH.... one of his 'spear' went right thru my sandals!! now i hv a hole in one of my sandals!!! arrgghh... tts how sharp the 'spears' are! POWER.. but kids dun try tt at hm!!!
there's alot of army guys having their 16km run n they were amusely looking at 2 persons playing our very own 'javeline'... hahaha... we stopped playing when suddenly i need the toilet.

time passes by so fast when ur having fun. time to packed up. hahha... so kecoh packing up.. hahha... Ir la so irritating wif his 'im-rite-listen-to-me' attitude, haha he's rite la he's gd at all these but i refuse to follow instructions... hahaha... den we played 'pushing game'. crazy. pple all looking at us pushing each other as we pack n fold the tent... hahha. WAH AMIR 's SO ROUGH NOW HUH?? SO I BE ROUGHER. wahahhaa... crazy pple... if pple dunno i think they might tot we were fighting, luckily we were laughing out loud so at least pple know we're jus playing.

den went hm took cab, Ir went on to Rain's hm. he goin to pulau ubin tonite for SPA war game n campfire. i wanted to go but was so lazy, wasnt willing to donate my bloody to the mosquitos there. WAR GAME!! wargame is so fun. its played after campfire! cool its jus like having war at midnight in ubin but we used waterbombs as emo! the water is filthy, yuck so itchy somemore but its so fun. i remember last time i played, we hide in bushes den when we saw other teams pass by we rush out n ambush, ATTACK!! wahahha... there r also times where we're caught in cross-fire. pple shouting 'seize fire' doesnt help cos pple still keep throwing emo at each other. wahaha... fun. scary. itchy.

oh btw, yest Ir fetch me fm work den we go TM walk ard. along the way met up with his fellow army friends n some of my juniors. we bumped into Nafizn gf at Tamp int n Ahmad at TM wif his gf, Suraini[i think tts her name]. she so friendly, we immediately chat bout lots of things like as though we knew each other. the boyfriend tot we knew each other, haha. den saw my juniors, chatted for some time, so nice to see them. felt guilty as i knda forgot their names! this happens many times, some of ex-ngee ann sec i dun even know their names but felt guilty when they know mine. the best is jus teguh n smile! *winks*
n we ate at Bistro Delifrance!! hehe... nice! its like a restuarant but den its not. we were served but we hv to write our own order on the ordering form with the pencil on our tables n make our way to the cashier to pay n submit our orders. i like my dessert.. yum yum... crepe with caramelized apple with butter n orange sauce with vanilla ice cream on the top.

i close this entry wif a picture of u n me... *smiles*

2005 graduation... 

me n sis.. outside Adventure clubhouse... 

wahahaha.. where am i looking at? 

mummy n me! 

School's over... moving on..

ok graduation is over... i kinda screw it up but overall its ok la...
came late tts y. my name starts with 'A' so i passed my name alrdy, luckily they use a scanner to announce the name. suddenly Azizan Samsuar came in the middle of pple's name starting with 'F'.

the food not as fantatstic as last yr[Amir's grad food nicer], the desserts r nice though.
mum had to leave early, so i took sis for a short tour ard the Fc5-Rockwall-Salc-T15 area. haha she says its big when she hadnt been to other end to other end yet! hahaha.. i find SP small though, probably cos i frequent the marine school-FC2-achitecture-F1-main library-SPA clubhouse area. heck i even run ard the whole sch compound, oklah quite big actually cos the run tires me out.... haha!
school's Plaza is overcrowded with pple dressed in black n white, its so 'menyemak' i jus want them all to leave. after our short trip, less pple were ard, ahhh tts better.. sis n me took pic at mrt, toilet... most of it deleted! hahaha! ok so school's over for me... wats up ahead? i hope to find a job tt suits me... wat could it be? i have no idea, but im willing to explore....

yest was working den they were asking for staff urgently to work today n the weekends. my quick response, 'No, sorry i cant, i got plans' time is more impt than money. i need to spent time with Amir before he went off to Brunei for trg on Monday. Furthermore, 1st Aug 05 is our 33rd mth anniversary... n he leaving on tt day!

my sis told me, "haiz.. kak.. y Amir's NS so jialat? so diff fm bro? kecian kakak mcm Amir is is ur part-time bf... only see him on certain weekends only.."
hahahha! part-time bf? its ok.... we all must learn to adapt. esp me cos i think im a lil maja wif him so if i dun get tt attention n affections i feel kinda missed out.

ok so today, we're having bbq at pasir ris beach, Amir will b bringing his tent n hopefully the guys can make their asses down to pasir ris this time round cos Amir's ,marinated alot of chicken alrdy....

ok gtg bathe, i need to be ready alrdy... wow... the day seems GREAT.. so sunny n hot! im wearing sleevesless... needed tt TAN... yes! T-A-N...

looking thru my photos... i dun hv alot on my PC...

the back of my SP admin card... 

sentosa! i love sentosa... 2002... 

one of my tourism presentation on hawaii tours... 

haiz.. when the last time i hit the beach... i need to tan!!!! so yellow now... 

im walking away.. moving on.... 

we both look kinda weird.... 

in a bus... 

nothing better to do... 

Graduation Day...

wahhahaha... i grad long ago... bout 2 mths ago n i will only be getting my diploma TODAY, yeah 26jul05. im waiting for this day, not really for the cert, but to see my friends, my school n lecturers...
im also excited to see wat other places are being renovated! for those who doesnt know, SP has been constantly renovating n improving its facilities! i wonder of tt building is up, i wonder if the airplane is built for Aeronautical studies... i wanna see the new rock wall.. i wonder wat else!
ven not coming, she call it a draggy event, yes i agree but for once, i wanna a draggy event!
things r going too fast n hasty...

this ceremony is also a way out not to come to work.. hahaha... CX n Cheryl also having grad today but theirs is at 1pm while mine at 5.30pm BUT they dun get a LEAVE, they had to swap shift... hehehhee... im not willing to swap my off days cos this week i get fri n sat off.

i still havent find my skirt or pants, my top or my blazer n my shoes... i wonder where they r... haiz... need to find them... treasure hunt!! hahaha!

i think i wanna eat KFC in school.. den buy alot of snacks in sch, i think i wanna eat my hazelnut cheesecake n my cookies at cafe... i think i wanna eat at FoodHaven as well... muahahaa...
sch is too faraway for me to visit again, might as well make use of the time...

wake me up when september ends....

its been some time since i last wrote an entry...
so many things happen.. haiz.. where do i start?
anyway, wats had happened, happens....

Saturday night seem so short, jus mere 2hrs or so...
but the after effect lasted so long... i shall not elaborate...
i almost did something stupid, luckily i didnt... i was too desolated at tt time
jus feel like escaping watever im feeling
woken up on Sunday morning with eyes swollen.. shit! i looked like a zombie...
nobody noticed as it early in the morning!
at 6am, i dragged myself to the bathroom... finding myself at the corner crying silently
the rain seem to understand how i feel.. a resemblance of the tears i cried...
hot shower above my head felt so cold.. so weird!

in a taxi to harbourfront, i stared out of the window thinking... "wat a beautiful city we're got" everything seem to be so perfect, the morning dew, the wet roads, the empty highways.. everything is so calm!
i started to smile n felt a lil better! had breakfast at delifrance, first time eat so early in a long time! eat too much felt sick in the ferry. Yes, i went to BAtam! i so wanted to go, i dunno y! sis was puzzled when i suggested to go, in the end she followed along.
my day was great there, a total diff place than urbanized Singapore!
lunch was great... there's like more than 10 dishes laid on our tables, never ate so many dishes for nasi padang before! nice nice... recommended!
tour guide was great too... Roki is his name.. who keeps on saying 'Aman..' [peace] hahaha hilarious! fun...
spent alot.. alot alot.. on food, clothes not fantastic... its not cheap, so ex, they have A&W so we bought the curly fries but it cost ard $4 so ex!! we bought it anyway...
i had my first massage experience there... haha we all had indonesian traditional full body massage.. no pain at all.. chey! should hv gone for thai massage instead!
we order 4 cake lapis.. freshly baked when order... wow... yummy!
munch munch munch... its dark, back to tiny island..
oh btw, i learnt something new, batam is only slightly smaller than SG, its 500++sqm.

den ate again at banquet, wah my stomach gonna burst.. mum la.. insist tt we eat!
den took taxi home... was very lucky we're got at cab cos the taxi stand q is so long n there isnt any cab ard.. suddenly a guy shouted... "tampines/ pasir ris" hahaha.. i was very impressed by mum's quick response.. den we all get in! hahaha.. we jus about to join the q but we got a cab first.. i wonder how long the rest waited for cab...
den the cab.. wow... got mobile tv... managed to catch apprentice! cool...
reached hm n instantly sleep..

i received my graduation package letter.. had 2 invitation but i dunno who to give...
mum n dad working, i had to persuade sis to come... how sad is tt?
i didnt matter to me in the past, besides no one was present when i received my awards[academic or non-academic] or scholarships.. even when i go on various overseas trip, no one fetch me fm the airport... dunno y it mattered now, i think im being ultra sensitive!
furthermore, i wasnt proud of my diploma cos i didnt work hard, unlike those in the past where i put in alot of effort.. somehow i jus want someone to be there for me... suddenly...
i know my parent might think "dun worry, she's independent".. i didnt show my disappointment but i kept insisting someone comes as i wanted someone to take pictures for me! haha.. tts a smart one... i think sis will come!

yest at work.. ko-kor Tommy bought me nuts to eat.. hahaha.. so sweet of him...
Farhana left for NUS, part of my team has been transferred to other teams.. so sad! i saw an ad on this job, so they're recruiting new temp staff again... wasnt suprised!
oh btw, farhan gave us cake nicely wrapped like 'berkat'.. on Sat, irah bought truffle cake... oooo my all-time fav cake!! yum yum yum....
will b meeting esli for lunch later... so long didnt c her... today jus wanna chill..

there's a saying..."the person u love, hurts u the most"
how true is tt!
felt like sleeping... "wake me up when September ends".. i be 21 by the time its October.. n my contract will ends as well.... * good nitez!*

sick n tired of so many things....

im so sick of this job... its like less than a mth i worked but i gotten sick of it!
very very tired of explaining things to pple n listening to pple's complaints...
i guess customer service is not my kinda job... i really dun like it...
cant wait for the contract to be over, furthermore i need a perm job, cant b a temp all my life!!
the pay is so demoralising tt there's alot expected for this job, even the KPI is increased to 84calls now, crazy!! somemore i dun hv access to alot of things...
i cant perform well.. i jus cant plus i dun like it.. no passion at all....

haiz... i really dunno wat to do... definitely not continuing after contract...
spoke to Veni on education last evening, now felt like pursuing a degree... but tt cost alot.. need bank loan.. but like Veni said, "must think in the long run"... but in the long run i will hv a hard time paying off my loans.. i also cannot be irresponsible not to give parents money.
pple say u can work n study at same time... dun think it'll work for me... i dun think i can handle it.. esp if its a degree... oh gosh! i never tot of taking degree.. i've always think of diploma n tts it.. tts y i dun bother much of my grades in poly.
nvm, i dun believe in regretting.... thou shall move on....

Ir called me.. was so glad he's back fm field camp... suddenly miss him so much!
i dunno when is our last conversation! today i off so i get to talk longer on the fone!
felt like we're missing alot.. only managed to meet him on lat fri nite n tts all... this week also cant meet cos my off on Sun... den next next week left wif one Sat den he's off to Brunei for trg again.

my bro is always sick these days, kinda worried for him.. he supposed to go kl but he was sick.. haiz he missed out on the opportunity to enjoy an all expense paid trip by his co.
sis is sick too... everyday need to accommodate to her n had to sleep w/o air-con... i sweat in bed cos apparently we sleep n double-storey bed but there's only on fan...
im getting sick too... stomach always makes prob...

my hse's a mess... my room's like trash! wah i cant stand the mess...
wah everythin not in order, hate the junk man!!
my off day need to do alot of things, cant rest.. mum ask me to do stuffs... arrgghh!
i cant hv a peace of mind!
later having my last class.. den i get my cert... *smiles*

Saturday... slow n easy...

here i am blogging wen supposed to be working.. haha!
haiz... got woken up by dear Amir..
so early call me... den i cant sleep!!
woke up at 6++am when only work starts at 10.30am
talk to Irah on hp den forgot the time! haiz..
in the end.. LATE!! hahahaa.. i feel so stupid...

wah! had alot of breakfast.. so full now... feel like sleeping..
lets hope calls dun come in so often..
later having dinner after work... for Daddy's bday!
oh btw, my man is 50 now...
i bought him a levis top tt cost $90 den he was so sharp to notice tt its made in China, straightaway he say its imitation!
WOAH.. my heart pain seh!! i bought at levis boutique daddy!! doesnt mean 'made in china' is FAKE!!! hahhaha.. my bro n sis [who obviously didnt bought him anythin] jus laughed at me! hmph! nvm... its ORIGINAL i tell ya...

yest went out to Tamp int wif dad n sis, jus walk ard n dad bought a new hp...
hehehe... i know he's still using g18 networks so i ask salestaff for new g9 sim card, den huh he say its only be activated by this afternoon.. wah! so slow! when i get hm i call them for urgent request to activate new sim, den by 11pm last nite, its activated. so happy!

ahh.. my all-time fav toy... 

Working?

work dun feel like work today.. hahhahaa

came in at 10.30am but at 1130-1300 having comm session in conference rm...
den work awhile, lunch at 1400-1500!
hahha... den ard 1800... my team start the email thingy again.. [since we all r seated scatteredly]
low calls ard dis time for yest n today.. so they start again... they all join in the loop
we were bz emailing to each other using Outlook to all our team mates...
Woah! my mailbox flood seh!! so many pple type at same time.. i must admit i get kinda of irritated when calls come in when we were in the middle of our email conversation..
but i wasnt being rude la.. jus eager to hang up the call... haha!
well... we're not doing anythin wrong.. jus utilising our given resources! hahaha

den guess wat? i came to office... den suddenly they all start to distribute packets of Polar and marigold drinks ard. FREE FOOD!! i also dunno wats the occassion.. so i got a chicken pie, curry puff n custard puff! i got 1 orange n 1 mango juice drinks! wah so pampered!!
den... guess wat! Irah actually brought Maggie curry n eggs n bowls to work...
hahaha.. i tot she was kidding so i didnt bring my bowl, but no, she wants me to eat so she ask ard for bowl/container.... so we actually cooked maggie curry with egg in a microwave! COOL!

i was told by farhana tt tmr there's a Buzz session for 1hour!!
ahhhh cool.... no need to answer calls again...

oh btw, jus wanna thank all those who cared bout me...
i appreciated it.. thanks! my sincere thanks...
im all happy n cheery now...

BOMB attacks!

i was happily working den i receive email fm management tt London has been attacked at 7 different places.
we were alerted in case cust call in to get thru to their family n friends in London, the lines are congested over there...
my empathy stretch out to those casualties and their worried families..
i got back hm n watch the news... haiz.. they jus be honoured to the city for Olympics 2012!
aiyooo... security is not tight enough. they hv got to do something asap...

Small gal...

i jus wanna say I LOVE THE NEW ARMY COMMERCIAL!!
ahhh i simply love it.
so cool! n impressive!

i feel like im a small girl somehow.. haha..
irah is like my big sis n i call her kak when we're same age.
den they all send email den call me 'little amelia' hahaha!

nick came over n ask if im fine.. haha... i am i am
he's younger but it felt like he's older than i am, like a big bro.. hehehe..

ok so ir n i talk things out.. ya he's sori n all
n lets jus forgive n forget..
so pple say OCS earns alot huh? bull crap, its ok.. nvm im done wif all those nagging n disappointing myself. if he thinks its impt, he knows wat to do. if nt, let him be.
like i said, i gave up. period.
i love him too much to put our relationship on the line due to this.
im a small gal, dun wanna worry bout the future... yet!

What has $$$ got to do?

Money DO matters ok!!
no matter how u deny it or try to run away fm it!
had a tiff with Ir on this matter today!

i made up my mind.... in a long time!
i gave him too much chances, i been too patient... n he disappoint me too many times!

Call me shallow or money-minded or anything u want!
honestly, in one way or another.. everyone WOULD think of money!
its been 32mths we're together now... he still doesnt plan for future!
it may not be a big issue to him, but it is to me!
he barely have $10 in his acc n still hv debts in hp bills.. tell me, how do i pinned hope like tt?
how dare he said tt i came fm richer family than he is!!!!
how dare he said i had the luxury to hv a good meal on Sundays n travel overseas.
wat has tt got to do with my personal life?
i saved on my own, my parents both work hard on their own and i NEVER took their money. watever i hv now may jus be hundreds tt i saved BY MYSELF!! cos i think of my own future. I PLANNED EVERYTHING IN ADVANCE.
i jus settled my debts also, jus only! but i still hv other responsibilities on my own! i still hv bills to pay, my transport[4 buses a day!], food n i gave my parents money too! Im LEFT WITH NOTHING FOR MYSELF!! I WORK FOR NOTHING!!! do i complaint? HELL NO!!

i believe nothing is IMMPOSSIBLE.
u need to know ur priorities n responsibilities and willing to make adjustments
tt is wat i do all along. u think all these while im living in luxury?
i walked fm Tamp interchange every SINGLE day jus to reduce trpt fare, if not tt be 6 buses a day! i brought my water bottle everyday to reduce my food by a dollar or so!
my mum doesnt cook cos hse work, i had to pay for my OWN breakfast, lunch, dinner n snacks! not to mention clothes, personal stuffs n bills!!!
i saved here and there... jus so i can buy things for u... to make pple ard me feel comfortable n to fulfill my responsibilities!

how dare u said i spent most of ur money!!
ask urself, do i really really spent most of it? i DID paid for u.. i DID paid for myself, how dare u said im the cause ur in a state tt u r right now!
i didnt bloody ask to call n talk to u for hours! who ask u to be so kepo n call all the time! BLOODY HELL!!! now tt ur bills r so high each mth, Y DUN U BLOODY CHANGE TT PRICE PLAN TO A HIGHER ONE???? stupid!! donate hundreds to starhub!
call me the one who lives in luxury?? FUCK U!! do i hv branded stuff with me?? i bloody dun! y? cos i know i cant afford n its not a need to me! u think i dun want? who doesnt? but i dun succumb to my wants! sometimes, u hv to make sacrifices!

its been 32mths, doesnt it trigger u tt its time u think maturely n start saving up for future?? stop giving me empty promises... u can buy ex fishing rods or bike tt cost over $2k or ur army stuff, spent all u might in Taiwan, spent on ur shoes n stuff [despite my constant reminders!]... haiz it all fall on deaf ears. YES! I ADMIT I'M NAGGY BUT I MEANT WELL. u jus wont listen, u SIMPLY WONT LISTEN!
n u dare say, "u think u hv the ability to save up... u can insult me? fuck u!"
HELLO!!! i dun insult u ok! im trying to WAKE U UP!
ur gonna be 21 soon n ur still not thinking maturely... u dare say u hv alot to settle... u think i dun hv ANYTHING TO SETTLE ISSIT??? infact, i hv more things at the back or my head.
FINE! i may not be as 'mature' as u r but at least no matter wat i TRIED my very best to save abit for future! wat have u done? tell me... all this time... my friends ask me out, i didnt go... Y? COS I JOLLY WELL KNOW I WONT HV ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MYSELF LATER!!
stupid! i sacrifies alot k.. ALOT ALOT! n i will never never NEVER RUN AWAY FM MY RESPONSIBILLTIES. i will never disregard my duty as a daughter no matter how tight i am! i will never borrow fm anyone, call it ego or wat, i simply wont.

i NEED u to grow up!! start thinking.. start saving.. at least a bit!
but no! no progress at all. y am i so tight? cos im not as fortunate as most pple r tt their parents hv some savings for them! i bloody pay for my OWN EDUCATION ok! i stayed up cos i earn my own scholarships n sponsorships! i know i dun hv savings so i NEED to start right away.. bit by bit... HOW BOUT U?? ask urself la... i know its hard, who said its easy anyway?
u make me so angry cos of ur reply, ur tone... the way u put ur words n ur assumptions as well as ur insults. i may hv made u angry, but u dun hv to speak vulgarities to me. u dun hv to drift so far n becomes a diff topics. watever i had with my family on Sunday is NON of ur BUSINESS! we worked hard, its OUR RIGHTS TO SPENT ANY WAY WE LIKE! it doesnt mean we're 'RICH'!!!! SHIT U.... I HATE U!!
my life is not as easily as most pple perceive it is! my life's a struggle but i NEVER DID GAVE UP ON MYSELF. if i fall, i will plug up courage n stand up again.
I HATE PPLE WHO LOOK DOWN ON ME!!! get ur facts right before u open ur mouth!
like i said before, u may see me cheery n happily, only I know my own stuggle n worries, U of all pple.. i cant believe it!! I HATE U!!!

my conclusion... love is love.. how long u wanna play this love...
dun u wan to end it with marriage?
y doesnt it matter to u right now? im tired, i keep telling u this!
i dun wanna end up getting married at 30!
plus! i also had to deal with the pressure fm my parents, which parent dun want their child to get married?? n we're like together for almost 3 years now... no savings jus as yet? u must be kidding me!
i lost all hopes now... u disappoint me too much... haiz i dunno

now u dare to challenge me huh? u want me to fetch u, treat u to dinners n movies? u want me to take over ur place? u think im scared??? i will accept tt challenge. i can prove to u i can do it n tt i can still save despite all tt.. BUT watever for? if u cant think maturely.. there's no use pursuing this love tt has no future.. nothing to look forward to.
i gave up....

Yours sincerely,
the broken hearted.....
~Azizan Samsuar~