i miss my tan...

see that?? im much darker/tanner last time.... i lost the tan alrdy...
see tts recent me... ok, if you think its yellow cos of the lightings... den see this...
see! im nt kidding... compare la with the first pix... urgghh im so yellow nw...

im getting so inactive these days..

im such a lazy bastard!! hehe
i miss that energetic feeling... i miss the good feeling when u sweat
my poor running shoes n skates were set aside one corner...

i miss the sun.. simply love the sun

i miss my tan..

im turning yellow, though some pple say im abit darker nw..

~~Love Zann~~

unwell

i tot im fine jus aft shower...
its a sucky feeling to go all the way to work but left, i wldnt do it if i dun hv pple telling me to go hm
my fever went up again.. 37.2 degrees
my headache getting worse.. n i look so pale
so its best tt i go hm...

haiz... when im sick, i get emotional...
teared for a moment...
there's no one tt specially cares for me...
there's no one i can seek attention to...
there's no one for me to hug.... or give me a warm hug...
there's no one to kiss me on my forehead...
there's no one to tell me tt "its ok you'll be fine,dear. rest well"
there's no one who calls/sms me to constantly remind me "have u taken ur medication/meals??"
no... there's no one... tt person jus dun exist...

im nt saying tt pple dun care for me.. there's alot of nice pple ard me, they even reprimanded me for working too much. cheers to my batchmates!! thanks guys... love u all..
big thanks to Zul for sending me to Changi Hospital. Its my first visit to the hospital as an outpatient n using my PS card. i mean i been to CGH many times but normally, i wld accompany someone(esp bro) else to see the doc.
special thanks to Matt... i really appreciate him accompanying me. thanks bro! so tts like 3hrs waiting time... we came ard 11pm n left ard close to 2am.... freaking long wait...
Doc prescribe me alot of medicine... 6 different types! n a 3-days MC!! i didnt even ask for it... he jus gave for me to rest more...
see!! i jus need rest, im nt THAT sick...

ohhh we had this sandwich/pizza thingy at the vending machine at CGH... i had the New York Chessy Sausage n Matt had the Romano Pizza. kinda cool... its nice!!

took cab hm n slept right after...
woke up early... first thoughts.. "haiz.. i shd be at work now.... ending my shifts soon in a few hrs. wasted!! shd hv jus stayed, today's off day anyway..."
urrggghhhh i dun like to feel weak...

im getting rather frustrated at myself for not executing my plans... dammitz...
sick n tired of planning n nt following the plans... i suck!!

~~Love Zann~~

i fell sick... unexpctedly!!

my parents will be away again... weeeeeee!!
normally, i wld hv lots n lots of plans.... but nah, nt this time
i intend to stay at hm... n cook... play ard with food.. hehe
yeah i hv the hse to myself!! i'll have the kitchen to myself!!

i keep buying groceries fm the supermarket!!
hahaha dunno y i love stocking up n buying new stuff hm so tt the whole family can try/use/eat/sample... so aunty-aunty!!
haha... my ex colleagues used to call me "small aunty"

feeling feverish now.... hate this "sick" feeling...
urgghhh!!!! flu,fever, sore throat, headache... sucky combo!!
i was perfectly fine before i go to work yest...
i guess work makes me sick ar... i still dun think im overexerting myself though...
haiz... nvm one more nite shift n im done for this cycle, might as well finish it off...

~~Love Zann~~

Flat

supper!!! ... at al-ameen... teh cino is so good... shd try!!!
hmmmm... see the diff betw nokia n sony ericsson camera? top one is sony... both with flash!
cute stuff! tts ICA teddy...

tts azist's white fur... haha tt didnt sound right. lol. love this furrry thingy!!
jannah n me...
tired n still smiling...
i feel flat n went to deep sleep after Vivo n supper.. was really tired

hehe.. mcm takde tempat lain nak amik pix
daddy killed a poor snail tt night...
hahaha.. fara looks like she's rapping.. lol
i love this pepsi design, n tts the reason i bought it. haha!

my fav drink! marigold grape drink... nice!! its almost a daily drink
yam n mummy outside locker rm before going to JB
me n yam... can u see the smoke?? tts mummy ciggie smoke... haha
cool chocolates!!! i was excited like a small kid while chosing my choc!! thanks to Afzan... they're rather ex!!
strawberry creme chocolates... my fav choc combination!!

ok the pix above are in random... taken at diff time..

ooooooooohhhhhh!!

finally a rest day!! n finally get to wake up late.

i've been waking up at 4.50am like almost everyday..

im such a hardworker.. yeah right!!

im taking a break this week... no more... oohh-so-tired!

its funny how tired i may be, i still find time to hangout.. hehehe

so... let me see.. i've been to JB, tamp mall, CS, Vivo n etc...

retail theraphy beats sleeping/resting!! kekekkee...walking ard, snacking n spending/buying stuff makes me happy la
i've been having alot of late nite suppers too..

but yest, im beat!

aft Vivo followed by supper, reached hm flat... didnt even remove makeup n changed... tts how tired i am!

pple jus dun realised how tired i am cos they say i dun look tired.

this morning, i still woke up ard the same time cos i forgot to off my alarm... but eventually im up at ard 9am.

i was craving for maggi n i miss bro's maggi(he cooks very nice maggi!!), so i merely told him tt n he immediately woke up n ask to buy maggi downstairs n cooks w/o a qn. awwwwwww.... so sweet!!

den i made lunch for him... love u bro!!
miss him, hadnt seen him for days... i wasnt in the hse long enough to meet the family. past few days, i spend less than 6hrs at hm n all the time i was sleeping or getting ready for work.

i keep losin stuff...misplaced my fav pink water bottle n notebook :(

btw, i love supermarkets!! put me there n i can spend hrs n hrs..

~~Love Zann~~

absence

havent be in touch with the cyber world for sometime now...
mentally tiring... i only catch a few hrs rest each day..
n urgghh nasty zits start popping up!
im feeling ugly now... ugly fuggly me...

its weird cos i keep running away fm pple...
maybe im scared of pple! hmmmmm...
the thoughts of "im nt good enough for him/go out with him(whoever he is)" always plays a big part in me...
its like,right after my "keep to myself" phase, pple start to come up to me on by one almost too immediately!!
its pressurising, i jus dunno how to handle it. ignorance jus didnt work anymore. haiz, im jus nt interested in anyone who happen to hv interest.
y is it tt the one u wld like to ask u out didnt but others will??
hate cancelling/changing plans n turning pple down all the time. i jus cldnt made up my mind, one moment im fine, the next i rather nt go out with them.

~Love Zann~~

shopping with Ir...

ok pictures speaks for itself...
went shopping again!!
wasnt really me... Ir's turn...

well.. he always need my option when it comes to shopping!! excpt.. erm fishing stuffs la cos im an idiot in tt...
he keep on saying(hurrying me up when im looking at things) : "iza.. iza.. lets go... remember today is supposed to be ME shopping, nt u!!... so lets go!!"
hmph!!

wahhh we went fm boutiques to boutiques...
so many shops to patronize but so little time!
tt crazy ass spent so bloody alot!!
addidas, levis, fox merchandise.... i gt an addidas bag too..
thanks!! hmmm... i shd hv said yes to the orange-pink sweater at addidas the other day... hahaha!!
n ohhh we dine at fish market again... second visit!
woohoo yummylicious babeh!!! it was a suprise treat... thanks ir!

he kinda made me his Personal Assistant, carrying his stuffs n getting his sizes... alah mcm tak biase je!!

tt Prison Officer is rich la this mth but he finished the cash so fast... useless!! hehehe
lesson learnt: never resort to borrowing or loans or excessive hp bills...
oohh the hp bill part, blame ur *toot* gf la... she's jus crap.. i dun wish to start on her..
goodness Ir, u deserve so much better!! been telling him that many times, he jus "tak sampai hati"
he shd hv jus start dating other girls(he been telling me about) out there...

oh btw, jus to clear things... no... Ir's nt my boyfriend, so many pple mistook us... we're very closefriends, well u can say bestfriends!! cos this guy know so so so so so much bout me.... n likewise for him.

anyway, Ir always made me so so guilty.. urgghh!!
stop it.. stop it!! jus dun say anythin... hehe...
n gosh... he's like addicted to the gym these days...

~~Love Zann~~

compliments

goodness i really hope my leaves will be approved...
needed tt break, needed a holiday....
i want beautiful serene beaches, nice scenery/landscapes....
it'll be a dream come true... awwwwww.....
i need to start saving up...

i dunno y pple hv been coming up to me n commenting tt i did alot of OT. nt as if i did alot... jus a few je pe!!
n stop it la eh.... no im nt getting married!! nonsense!! kekeke
i need to settle some stuffs n i need money to travel...
yes!! travel... travel.. travel!!!
doesnt matter with whom... i jus wanna travel!!
saving up for tt Europe trip come Dec 2008... hv to make tt happen!
its my dream to step my foot there before i hit 25!!
sadly everyone is against me going... haiz

its getting really annoying for pple to ask me y i still hadnt had a bf yet... even my closefrens r questioning me now.... y cant i dun hv a bf?? y??
pressure... pressure... pressure!! urgghhh
plz pple.... I KNOW IM NT GETTING ANY YOUNGER!! but im nt ready for commitment yet.... it takes time... the right one hadnt come yet...
"yah2... if u dun open urself up, how is the one gonna come? if u dun give any1 a chance to get close/know u closer, how wld u know of the possibilities??"
well... i believe he will... im sure there's a way... somehow...

oohhh btw.... i kinda like my job...
not exactly the job la.... i like to see the weird human reactions...
the funny, the cheeky, the scared, the blur, the stuck up, the furious, the irritated, the persuasive, the cant-be-bother, the impatient, the super talkative, the overly-friendly, the serious, the boastful, the serious n etc
its gives me tt instant entertainment, smile n anger at times!
its a job whereby u can get verbal compliments easily!! nice2 ones!!
never had so much before this.... even my own bf(last time) dun passed nice remarks to me
they all love my sweet smile... hehe...
its like everyday there's bound to hv at least 5!!(i dun count them la)
so its like a norm...but it feels gd tt ur service is being appreciated. cant help it cos i hv all the customer service backgrounds... been working in service line since i was 17...
hahahha but its true... no kidding. if i were to list them, it be too long.
well maybe cos im a girl... it'll be harder for guys i guess.
today there's this grp in a car... talking bout me n i happen to respond n they gt suprised n wondered hw i can hear them n ask where we put the mic at!! kekeke sey.... they offered jobs...
"my dear gal... ur too pretty to be an immigration officer.. we're fm the airport.. join us... wanna join? we can give recommendations"
errrmmm nvm i dun accept any offers when im on duty. thank u.

ohhh btw, no, im nt trying to brag.
come on, pple r jus so murah(generous) with their compliments.... we get it all the time... really, all the time....
not forgeting the fact tt they mistook me as a chinese. oh-so-many-of them!!

saz was telling me the other day, "zann, did u go for tanning??... cos u looked tanner now... ok now u look more malayish" kekeke

~~Love Zann~~

tt morning shoppin at mustafa centre

i love taking pictures of structures...

it was past midnite so the whole station was empty...

i was alone so i took pix there... nice!! i like.

taken while waiting for Yam, Radin n Zehan to meet me

hahhaa... of all places, Yam suggested Mustafa centre!!!

we walked ard... did some shopping n had supper....

Zehan n me were so choosy over cabs cos there's alot ar... we took the mercedes one in the end... haha!!
tt day reached hm ard 5am jus in time to get ready for work...

yup history does repeats itself...

im crazy enough going out n nt sleeping before going to work on morning shifts!!

~~Love Zann~~

sistaz outing

days hv been tiring

sleep deprivation!!! urrghhh its getting rather annoying... u know, tt feeling of not having enuff sleep.. urrgghhh

for the past consecutive 6 days or so, i nvr had more than 4hrs of sleep..
i've been travelling alot.. in singapore la... hhehee...
bus hopping, taxi, mrt, nel...

ohhh went shoppin at bugis wif sis yest!! loving it...

its so fun to shop ard... bought a couple of things...

sis is always taking over the 'big sis' role whenever we're out... hahaha she controls me... esp my money n ever extravagant urge to buy this n that... be it food, clothes, stuff, acessories n etc.

even so, i still spends alot. at least minimise spendings la.

for the first time we ate hawker food... hahahhaa cos normally we wld dine in restaurant... nt tt i dun wana treat... sis craving for mee rebus! ahakz...

ok! nxt stop... orchard road... shop for other things!!

i love going out with sis.

kinda miss her cos she's always busy with exams/projects/test/extra classes... o lvl this year babe!

i dun hv time to entertain her at times too... she complains seh!! sori darling, i still love u la!! been busy...

been tired.. freaking tired lately....

slept in bus all wrapped up... bus pretty empty today i dunno y...

when i woke up its alrdy wdlds.... so cool!! tts fast...

den when i alight, someone approached me... he took same bus, nxt seat. the approach is cool cos he recognise me cos of my skates!!

"erm... excuse me... mind spare me a minute?? u skate rite? r u the gal wif the white skates?? the g2 floral design.....(the conversation goes on)"

but he cant recall where he saw me though! tts weird...

wats cool is, his name starts with 'A' too. haha

i hv this thing over pple whose names starts with A cute pple with nice smiles esp with dimple!

he tot i was heading to sch, to republic polytechnic.. haha!

coincidently, his uncle is my colleague... hahaha

i came late aft lunch cos i overslept... fuyoohh overshot seh!!

they all went looking for me.. kecohz...

sheeshh paiseh... i was really tired seh, im nt kidding..

Hamzah was so worried cos i looked shagged, he's afraid i might collapse or anythin happen to me tt he forces me to sleep in the bus.. kekekeke

he even walk me hm... kekek seh, ape saje!!

oh btw, the nachos at cheers r so yummy!!!

recommended!! its only $2.05

~~Love Zann~~

13may was my cute cousin's 4th bday!

he had an awesome cake.. super huge with cars on top! cost over $60!!

cute la Ayul... makes me feel like having a kid!

yeah i want a baby!! hahaha... hmmm... maybe i'll adopt one. heh.

was freaking tired.. penat ape pun tak tahu.

for the first time i slept during my break on my night shift. wahhh shiok!! thankfully i was nicely deployed too!! :)

today, it suddenly rained heavily. bus 168 came late, the queue was damn long!!!

for the first time(i took bus 168) it jammed at the expressway all the way... bus ride took longer!!

i realised one thing. i pampered myself too much.

watever i want... i will want to get it... especially food n entertainment. too much good food. it seems like i dun mind spending though i do realised tt i way overbudget. hahaha... i give in to myself too much.

time for some discipline... laziness also sets in place! hv to stop the "ahh.. later la" attitude...

i wanna go on a holiday!! cant wait!!

somehow the urge of getting out of singapore is so great!

haha *winks*

~~Love Zann~~

a tribute to all mothers!!
thank u for giving lives to all of us, we wont be here without u
9 mths of pregnancy n child labour itself aint easy..
Happy Mother's Day!!

we may fight or dun agree with one another but we will never bring ourselves to hate our mum!!
aint tt cool??
i may nt have a perfect mum but im still thankful i still hv one!!

today's payday too... hmmmm.... time for financial planning again!
yay... i can afford a holiday!! problem is, where n when n with whom?!
hmmmm.... brisbane/tioman/phuket/krabi/langkawi/bali ??
haiz... there's still alot to settle first..

ooh ya, yest went to pasar mlm at wdlands again!
this time with diff pple la... ate in bus again.. hahaha...
farah, jannah, fir, radin n me went to catch midnite movie at CS...
the process of deciding wat to do is so funny n draggy.. hahaha!
in the end, we catch the sneak preview for the movie "Next"
the movie will only be out on 17may...
cool effects!! ooooooohhh i like... style la the storyline but the ending is a lil disappointing!
overall, its a good movie la...
we grab some bite fm Mcd n smuggled in the movie.. kekeke
after tt we hangout for awhile at tamp, end up walking them hm.. Radin send me off in a cab n by the time i reached hm(4++am) its alrdy time to get ready for work...
fuhhh im super tired. no i didnt faint.
i always hv lots of energy, dunno y.

speaking of energy, i had sudden urge for camping... yeah i miss camping!!
i wanna kayak too.. i wanna go for another expidition, its been some time i did any activities...
tt also reminds me tt im losing my tan... shit! im yellow again... no time for a tan or do any activity under tt hot blazing sun...

thanks Ir for coming down n listens... appreciate it! :)
hahaha... im one unstable girl... my mind's in a mess!! n whole system went haywire...
its not bout the treats, i can afford them myself... i dun need it
i jus wan some time off as a friend...

~~Love Zann~~

mysterious persons...

i've never been this poor before!
my bank acc hit the lowest!! hahahaha
"best arh zann, da tahu takde duit lagi leh spend spend!!"
nvm, it will replenish soon come may 12th...

there's this person who msg me on friendster telling me wat team im in, wat colour im wearing to work n which counter im doing most of the days... ish ish!! he clm he's a colleague fm another team n i hv no idea who tt person was!! i hv such bad memory. he clm he walked past me b4 i dunno.
there's this another guy who clm tt i cleared him before, goodness!
these days, i hv strangers smiling at me outside, so i jus smiled back. wonder who they are. hahaha. i think im just paranoid!

ohhh i hv unknown person who will sms me informing me of team activities but didnt want me to know who he/she is. sot seh! tt one cfm my team mates.
2 days ago, i opened my pigeon hole n received a sketch of me!! its funny cos it didnt look like me... gd attempt though! thanks la its sweet, whoever u are! i wonder if its for me, wonder if tt person gt the right person. it reads... "from your secret admirer.. azizan" tt person didnt sign off though.
hmmmm... i wonder who.
life's so full of mystery.......

~~Love Zann~~

life for now...

im lost somewhere in the woods...
yam n me... miss her!
haiz being in diff teams make it so hard to hang out together...

saz, zann, yam, radin
saz n me
pix taken 2 may 07 at the ICA Spiderman 3 movie, suntec city...

life's been rather calm n relax...
no more late night conversations, no more constant sms beeping, no more dates... i dun share stuff with anyone anymore...
actually kinda miss having someone close... someone more than jus a fren...
someone who i could think of all the time.. making me smile simply thinking of him
someone i looking forward meeting with
someone i'll miss all the time
someone i can love n be loved in return
someone i can hug so tightly
someone to kiss so passionately
someone i can confide in
someone to lend me a shoulder to cry on
someone to "manja" with

been on my own lately... alone. tts like so normal nw.
keep to myself, nvr talked to anyone. communication is kept to a minimal.. minding my own business. something's changed n tts strange.
i get lonely at times! haiz....

i dun hv a life? hehe.. maybe.
all i do is, go work, eat, sleep. keeping myself at hm n be a gd girl.
i miss hanging out.. i miss clubbing... i miss having fun...
those days are over...

it jus aint easy for me to like someone. maybe cos im nt looking for one.
i jus hope i dun end up being a lesbian. haha. ish cant let tt happen!
so far, the only one i really like is fuzzy n tts tt.

~~Love Zann~~

Off to JB again....

well nothing much on work today... i jus hv alot of counters!!

ohhh the access card machines broke down n create a chaos, conjested arrival halls n pple rushing for bus as they're late for work...

hell no to OT for today!! kekkee
officially separated fm Kak Sam, gosh, gonna miss her!!

cldnt wait for 8am to knock off... was freaking sleepy.. hadnt had sufficient sleep past few days... *yawns*

aft changing... Lan suddenly wanted to go jb again... well, there supposed to hv soccer game aft work which was eventually cancelled as everyone's so tired.. i was really tired but im really craving for dunkin donuts!!

no one brought ppst n Lan alrdy paid for the car use for the day.. so i decide to jus go.. again! felt refresh after tt...

we left by wdlands this time round...

he wanted to add somethin to his car, did some maintaince.... waited n kinda slept while waiting for the installation to be ready...

went to Plaza Angsana for my donuts!! finally! i love chosing them... feel like a kid!! yummy yummy...

at the same time, we went supermarket to buy some rations for work.haahaha.

had lunch. wow my super spicy tom yam never fails to give me the sweats! fill up fuel n back to singapore!!

i spent so much jus like tt, easily rm100... hehehe

we saw alot of damaged public property in jb due to car accidents... woahh malaysian driver r like Formula1 racers... they're skilled drivers though!! :P

do we really look tt young??

me n Lan always get stopped or questioned by officers cos they misguided us as some underaged teens.

on our way back, at green channel the ICA lady really chk seh... well i cooperate la. i even open the front car compartment n cigarette for her to see...

den we stopped again infront by K9 officer. he gave us this suspicious look. chkd the car again. i opened the door n compartments n showed him the car tkt for weekend car use. he asked for our ppst n look thru them carefully.. wahhh betulnye chk seh!!

at the biodata page, i noticed he was calculating somethin, maybe our age! 1984 n 1981 is definitely nt underaged sir... we're both over 21.

den he look through our endorsement n god-knows wat else he's looking for... he keep looking at us for signs but we're both calm. Lan jus didnt want 100% chk cos dogs will come in the car. gosh we jus sent it for car wash seh! we hog the traffic seh, cars behind us cant move... when he's satisfied, he asked, "u guys smoke?" hahahha

showed his cigarettes n he let us go.. phew no 100% chk!

earlier i was telling Lan... tt there's nothin interesting today...

there u go! an interesting one!!

~~Love Zann~~

first time via 2nd Link aka Tuas chkpt via car

something cool: i cleared a 6-pax Singaporean family in a car both upon departure n arrival!! how cool is that?? such coincidence!!
they jus love me i guess... mcm faham je mane counter aku!
hehehe

went JB yest right aft work at 8am...
again... it was supposed to be a group outing but no one brought passport except me n Lan...
most shops were closed on sunday morning so we spin ard...
Lan wanted to exit via Tuas chkpt instead, i hadnt been there so im rather excited too...
Tuas chkpt is so cool!! super spacious with NO traffic but very few counters/zones... so unlike wlds chkpt!
the views are so nice... linkway is super relaxing n new.... it'll be cool to work there... such vast difference in environment
ohhh btw, at m'sia chkpt, the immigration officer cleared our ppst smiling, dunno y....
den at their customs chks, the custom officer's name is Azizan, a nice chatty old man... kekke... i guess they're jus too free so we had a lil chat.
"tu tunag awak kape?? awak ni due2 umur berape?? haiz budak2 muda ni pagi2 nak gi mane aje?? kedai semua tutup la.... ni da mkn ke lum? ..." the chat goes on cos Lan went on n layan him... :P


me in the bus otw to work.... haiz.. so lonely!
miniature car in Lan's car... cute!
beautiful views otw to jb via tuas chkpt.... love it! super smooth road/traffic...

im loving the ride at high speed... weeeee~!!
finally we see civilisation!! .... aft a long ride fm the chkpt
Lan's concentrating on the road...

~~Love Zann~~

my skates....
his skates...
received news tt most of them aint coming....

nice rite the view....

our dinner.... his treat! :)
i left the hse at 6am lookin like this! hehehe.. yup go work like tt!

reached the end of pathway....
tts khai...

i love ECP!!

went skating at ECP yest!!
we went fm one end to another...i've never been to such places in ECP before... so its cool!!
we skate all the way down til the end of pathway towards the city n all the way up to outward bound school.
we stopped by bedok jetty also!! such nice views... ahhh love it! :)
i love ECP...
gosh i wanna skate there again!

ok... it was supposed to be a grp outing but most of them didnt make it in the end so its jus me n khai... sounds like a date huh?? kekeke
the rest sort of.. ermmm... didnt wanna sweat!! wtf??
they rather go kareoke/watch movie... well, maybe nxt cycle den!
we didnt sweat much actually cos the sea breeze is so cooling...

khai's skates are super smooth, much higher grade than mine la...
he's a pro man!! seasoned skater!! im still amatuer la
cant even brake well... kekkeke....
didnt wear my full protective gears so i didnt dare try out certain stuff..
thankfully he's there, i wldnt survived on my own.. haha! all those up n down slopes...
but we both didnt fall!! Khai had cramps la.... poor boy!
i keep breaking my nails... urgghh!

oh yeah, btw... for the very first time someone asked me if im filipinaz cos she thought i looked like one. she's this sweet filipino lady in one of the ECP toilet.

we had dinner at mac marine cove... tt place is full of skaters... its been sometime i last had chicken foldover!! n im lovin it!!
khai's treat!! so the food tastes so much tastier.. haha...
bought subway cookies too... always love them!!
khai made me guilty eating them cos its fattening... watever! i dun care

we're both tired so we took cab to bedok n separated...
he's crazy cos he's on morning shift, luckily im on night shift man!

on my way back, in a bus.... there's this group of cute boys(ok i mentioned boys) seated next to/near me....
the bus is so packed n our seats are pretty crampy cos im with my skates n they're with their guitars...
they're so freaking funny, i cant help but laugh.. they teased me all the way sehh... nvm, i jus keep quiet...
every stop, the guy beside me keep asking... "ermm... r u stopping here?" merepikz seh... kononnye nak gentleman la, nak give way if im dropping off... haha
"ohh ur dropping off next too?? me too! tts so cool" ape saje je tu pun cool ke? hahaha
when we alighted, another guy came up to me for exchange of number.
me: ohhhh y?
him: he's interested
me: hmmmm... er...
him: so how? or .... u think its ok?
me: ermm... nvm la... its ok...
him: oohh ok. tc... hope to see ya ard
me: btw, how old r u guys?
him: 18-19 yrs old. y? r we too old?? u dun like older frens huh?
me: *smiles* heh. (i tot so)
him: how old you?
me: *trying to walked away but he asked again* ermmm... 22. ok gtg this way.. bye!
him: tts ok wat. tak jauh pe! hey.... see ya ard gal...

ok stop it seh!! i guess the episode of me n younger guys never ends...
n i cant seem to hv attraction towards older/more matured guys either! cute, boyish, baby-faced guys are much cuter rite?? hehehe...

~~Love Zann~~

gosh, this is gonna be one long entry...

dad wants me to quit my job. haiz...

y am i always nt good enough for u??
haiz.... i sit n think deeply... all these years, i've been tryin to make u proud of me, been trying hard to get your attention, your love cos im always lacking of it....
i never realised i've been doing all tt all these while...
doing the best i can to please u.... but i always failed....
y cant u love me?? like u love the others?? y?? y do u always find fault in me?? y do u hv to always hurt me? jus cos i keep quiet doesnt mean im really strong n tt i do not have any feelings.. come on, im only human...
wat more shd i go to make u love n appreciate me?? plz...

reflecting back.... i've been trying to please them as far as i can. i guess i never succeeded. im never gt enough for them. :)
also realised i nvr really had made a decision on my own. i mean i did, but mostly to please them, in hope of they'll be proud of me... haiz...
i remembered, i chosed Ngee Ann sec cos u both wanted me to, it wasnt really my choice... but no doubt, its a gd school...
almost 90% of the time i so-called wasnt allowed to chose on my own.
i pushed myself to do well academically n watever way possible to make u proud... but im never good enough.
i did alot, alot, ALOT of things for your sake or mostly influenced by u... i was never appreciated...

i never get wat i wanted... never!
always wanted to learn taekwondo, take music lessons, ballet, a pair of skates, dance n lots lots more!!
had to even work part-time to earn tt extra cash or save up to get stuffs i want...
i had to force u to come to parents meetings, even if u came, ur uninterested n sleep at such functions...
u never attended in any of my prize giving presentations, be it school events or private organisations! being the top of the class/stream still wasnt gt enough!! distinctions werent gt enough?? wtf
i even had to cry before u agreed to come to my diploma graduation.
u never attended any of my dance performances.... infact, u were never supportive of it. i only rem once at kallang theatre n tts cos grandma wanted to come n u had to accompany her.. thankfully granny was a dancer too! i stop practising cos of u too cos u didnt like it, nt wanting me to be like my late uncle...
u never picked me up fm the airport each time i came back fm an overseas trip!! n lots lots more
u never asked for my opinion or cared bout my emotions. only when pple told u or talk bout it, u'll asked me. i always wanted to confide in u, telling u wat happen in my life, bout my work, my friends.... but u never bothered n wasnt interested... sob sob :(

so nw, im kinda numb.. got used to it.
no point tryin to "care" when i dun need it. y call me when i aint hm yet? i "learn" to take care of myself...
y only care bout coming hm late? upset when i forgot to call?
it feels weird cos i guess im still trying to please u... though i know i still wont be appreciated. at times, i tried to get ur attention. i always strive to stand out. well, tts wat a child always do, always wanting parents to be proud of them....
y cant u treat me like u treated them?? ur bias.... tts unfair...

lack of love... yeah tts wat i lack of.
especially now tt im single,i dun hv tt special someone to depend on too..
haiz... nvm. life's never fair... n its never perfect. i guess tts wat makes me stronger...
pple admired my patience, deterence n strength to be unaffected. who says i wasnt affected?? in fact, im a very emotional person. somehow, life's hv gt to move on... accept it n try harder... i know, one day, the both of u will appreciate me... i know...

hahaha.. was jus pouring out my feelings... but i will be ok. i know i will. i always do. my siblings n aunts knows i survived such treatments.

did my very first OT last tuesday... hehe... kinda cool!
so tts like 14hrs of shift!! kekkee
im still understudying now, but i wanted to step up to do on my own.

watched spiderman 3 jus now....
its so cool... i love the special effects...
it was emotional too... teared when Harry died.
it was an ICA event, tickets for only $4 babe!! cool offer!!
was the first time i watched movies at Engwah, suntec city...
cant wait for Private of the Carribean!!!

i still hv flashbacks of some scenes fm the movie Turista...
euuww so gruesome!! it cant seem to go away...
hahahhaa....

its someone's 23rd bday today..
well... i guess im nt allowed to have any form of communication with u.
at least, i alrdy did wish you in advance...

~~Love Zann~~