i lost my glow

i realise tt i dun hv a temper anymore
i realise tt the small little things makes me feel happy n i felt contented
i realise i lost the drive, the motivation, the energy
living life the bo-chap way....
haiz..... wat the heck happen to me?? im a mess!!

i lose my glow too... was looking thru the old pix of mine
i know how much i love to take pix n how excited i will be to be taking them
now, things changed!! i still do love pix but its nt the same
i dun like the results of the pictures taken cos the smile, the pose, the meaning is different. its nt the same anymore... i lost my glow.. it hv to come fm within
even when i smile or when i truly am happy, i wasnt as happy as i was before...

i cant deny tt im still filled with pain, anger and disappointment...
i swayed away very easily... im very "simple" now, still stubborn though! heh.
the lack of disipline n self-love, self-drive, self-motivation is killing me....
i need someone. i need someone to help me. help me find myself again.
lost.
where do i get the energy n everythin else?
the search begins. no! maybe it never ever launch before.
tired. of everythin. wat is wrong wif me? feel like slapping myself.

aiyooohhh im so disorganised now. im no longer firm.
im never busy. i dun make plans or decisions. everythin is always last min.
cos im tired of being disappointed. tt things dun turn out the way it planned.
tt equates to "tak kuasa" or cant be bothered.
so everythin some pple come up to me, "so... tell me abt urself"
i'll go like, "wat do u wanna know?? u ask, i'll answer but i cant guarantee i'll be able to ans all ur qns" hehehe
no, im nt turning secrective now. i guess certain parts of my life is best kept discreet.

this is the avenue to express my feelings n views...
den again, u jus cant express everythin out...
still, im contented.
fm here, u'll know tt i wasnt happy. tt im a totally diff person fm the smiley, happy-go-lucky girl pple know me. well... everyone hv probs n issues. we cant escape tt.
somehow, i managed to project tt happy, unaffected by problems kind of image. shd i be given a choice, i wld want to hv pple ard me ALL the time!!! den i dun hv to sink back to the drive-less self-destruction mode.
pple plays an impt part. i wont cry, scream, shout when pple r ard.
so if i do, it means tt i totally lost it. i lost everythin tt i suddenly dun care, tt i couldnt control anymore, tt means i breakdown tt strong front i put up all the time. in order words, watever it is tt makes me cry, esp in public, must hv hurted alot tt i totally dun care abt my self-pride n surroundings. it means alot.

~~Love Zann~~