here i am... blogging again...

im very bothered by the fact tt my emotions r affecting me alot...
it drives me crazy....
i've learn to understand tt at the end of the day, wat im seeking is jus happiness...

i gt really really tired everyday cos i try so hard to project tt positive attitude, tt nothing happen, tt im fine... still the same ol' jovial, smiley me...
im very much affected by my personal issues yet i dun feel like telling anyone
yes, im a loser n failure in love.... a reason y i wldnt wana move forward too fast...
its like taking extra precautionary measures all the time.... azizan's like overprotecting herself n pushing everyone away....

maybe the fact tt there's still this inch in me tt still hopes n wants things to go back the way they are tt holds me back.
but tt hope was tarnish n it hurts real bad to find out tt there wasnt any hope at all in the first place...
i've express myself as much as i can.... in a way, i've already done my part... it was very hurtful to learn tt things dun always go your way but tt jus the way life is...

every night, i broke down n cry... its like punishing myself...
i hate myself for tt....
i think im worthy of something nicer.... i jus hv to keep being patient...

i realise i havent been taking good care of myself
i no longer care abt my pedicure, manicure.... i dun take care of my skin anymore...
my hair is in total mess.... i dun hv any self=restraint when it comes to spending or food intake...
i know all tt to stop, im still in the midst of keeping it under control....

looking at myself in the mirror.... i dun like the gal i see... she's weak...
i wanna open up abit.... slowly.... bringing up abit of the barriers i have...
i wanna feel good abt myself....
its time to have abit of fun....

~~Love Zann~~