i cant believe pple r stil talking behind my back.
haiz... i thought i cld live in peace after being transfered to a low-profile team, well, apparently not! a goodfren told me to try to let it affects me, its jus gals nature to bitch/gossip. hmmm... ok.
actually, wat puzzles me is tt u can simply smile n take my hand(salam) or even befriend me but say all the nasty things behind me. ish!
gals hv jealousy problems, guys hv ego n "mentel" or flirtatous issues.
not doing anythin, infact, i've been really quiet recently, can be a topic to talk abt huh. *puzzles*
ok... i cld safely say im kinda "used to" or immune to all the gossips abt me but i guess i still feel the pinch. im trying nt to let it get to me, im nt gonna.
i appreciate pple being concern n telling me wat pple hv been saying behind my back but sometimes, ignorace is bliss.... i wld rather nt know. it hurts. i mean i wld like to know wats going on n tts it. do not wanna know the details. its like overloading, stop it alrdy.
good thing tt alot of new female staff coming in, so pple hv something else to talk abt.

im still in my instable state n i guess its startin to show a lil bit.
im starting to appear distracted though i try hard nt to make it obvious.
kinda hard when ur trying to fight yourself for happiness sake.

sometimes, i felt like im going down to self-destruction mode.
im nt doing anythin contructive. im always hiding at hm, dun wish to connect to the world outside. i feel like talking but i dunno wat/where to start or who to talk to abt me, i dun hv a prob listening to pple's prob or eben adv pple or jus talking abt anythin else.
im getting frustrated at myself. i cant seem to hv self-control. i cldnt control my finances(its getting real bad), my indulgences, my fitness n myself in general.
i cant seem to get things done as planned. frustrating.
i cant find time. urgh!! life's boring n routinal.

im getting really irritated by annoymous pple who msg me everywhere.... emails, friendster, sms, msn n etc.
i simply cant be bother la. yeah im a boring person, i dun entertain such forms of "guessing game"entertainment.

i jus feel like being alone. i wanna be alone.
ok i need to find the positive side of me...
need to get down n do up my schedules n plannings...
Plus, holiday will need to wait till January nxt year...


~~Love Zann~~