Stepping on with life.....

im immensely pressurised by alot of things....
i appreciate pple's concern but i really hate it when pple came up and say "r u ok?''
cos i will show weakness...
im nt the type who shares my probs cos i hate troubling others, i dun like pple knowing of my problematic life.... i mean the whole non-edited, uncut version of my personal life!
so the pple i shared with shd be really honored cos im very comfortable talking to them! :)

it comes to a point where i feel like, "hey, im a great person.... in fact im a very nice, warm person to be with....." n yes! i am beautiful too
so i cant be looking so ugly and haggard!! its so not me!
i had a hard time.... really gone thru tough times to get by....
i lost myself along the way too..... i may be acting/reacting a lil weird this few days but i really am fighting hard to be normal! situations jus made me this way....

i've never lost weight when im sick or stressed!!! i did this time round.... its the first one ever!!
my body clock goes haywire, my mind cant stop thinking..... making me insane anytime soon.... i really dun wanna go crazy.... its almost getting out of control... im really scared!
i used to be 54kg, the last time i chkd im ard 48.8kg.... imagine tt!!!! its nt like i dun eat, i do! but recently, i've been snacking.... late night suppers n eating n eating n eating or should i say gorging!!!! OMG.... i dun dare to go on tt weighing scale now!!! i can feel tt im putting on weight super-fast...... im pushing myself to be who i used to be....

i guess its his lost tt he dunno how to value or appreciates me....
its his lost to let everythin go....
everyone always had this perception tt he's deeply in love with me....
everyone underestimates my love for him.... no one knew i love him more... no one know the sacrifices i've made all these years.....
even rite now, after all the pain n sufferings he made me go thru.... i wld still want to have a friendship with him. 4yrs of my life knowing n going thru so much together, i cant just be strangers!!! he was my beloved boyfriend, my bestfriend, my most trusted goodfriend, my lifeline.... den BOOM!! he's gone jus like tt?? i cant treat him as an enemy or stranger, im simply cant!!!
so i've decided, im gonna work on my friendship.... if all is lost, at least, i'll keep the friendship!
there's alot of evil things or ways im capable of doing but i jus cant lose my goodfriend who knows me so much, maybe know me too well!!
its not worth it to put my friendship on the line.....

maybe..... things happen for a reason.....
maybe.... there something out there for me.... not necessarily someone..... could me an opportunity, a hidden talent... could be anything!!
i'll see how life goes for me.....

im sick of guys wanting to know me bcos of my looks....
for now, im only interested in friendship.... no more than tt....
i cant move on tt fast.... im nt the kind who will...
im still mending my heart.....