FREAK out

Wats happening to me?? Really wat happenned?

I FREAKED OUT TO FIND OUT IM 46KG!!!!!
No, im nt kidding!!!! Tts almost 10kg lost…i cant afford to lose anymore. i NEED to gain back.
Pple wld naturally think its gd…. No, its nt good. So stop the praises..
My aunts are the one who's worried for me, maybe cos they see me growing up n they sort of understand wat im going thru....
i appreciate them speaking up or shielding me. thank u. at least i now know i hv them on my back. they passed sarcastic remarks to mum in hope she realise how bias/unfair she is to me.

I really freaked out. I know im petite but Im NOT small, I dun hv small frames unlike some small girls… like those tiny cute skinny thin small-sized gals. It worries me so much!!

My concerns is, I’ve lost quite a lot but I dun see much of the physical change. Really, its nt much physically. Im still flabby n fleshy… its pretty much the same. I kept wondering where hv the weight gone to. Is it an internal problem? Did I develop any illness im nt aware of? A medical disorder? Wats going on with me?? Am I suffering fm depression?
But I’ve been eating, nt like I dun eat at all!! I even had supper all the time!!
Gosh…..
i jus wondered if anyone cared bout my health n physical being!! dun blame anyone cos it wasnt obvious....

Everything was a big blow, a hard hit. It still is.
Whatever I went through was pure pain, constant struggles that I guess no one will understand or know of, cos its nt reflected on the surface.
i'll still smile with pple ard me, i guess i adapt well to situation.
Immense pressure and hidden sorrows…. I dunno how I can still “hide” my actual self or current state n remain composed in the presence of others.
I’ll drive myself crazy one day. And I am very afraid…..

So i knew i had to do something. n... i did.
In one day, I stuffed myself with fattening foods! I had to force myself to eat, eat, eat. Its nt like I dun eat all these while, I have been! Esp late night suppers!! But y is this all happening? Wats wrong with me?
I had briyani, chicken rice, milo, prata, hotdogs, curry puffs, old chang kee, MCD breakfast at 4am, Breekz Chicken leq with cheesy mushrooms, lots of choc, choc cookies, choc bars, coco crunch, MCD meal, bubble teas, beef burgers n etc…. keep eating n eating… kept it going…..
The food made me tired n sleeping n bloated. Urgh!
Step to the weighing scale….. gained 3kg in 24hrs!! thankfully!!!! its unhealthy but i need to do somethin, i hv to.
im nt kidding, I knew no one will believe me, up to u to believe.

Im still having sleepless nights……
Its so cold n chilly there days…. Keep raining n raining….
The rain n heavy downfall signify my pain n tears….. haiz…. erratic patterns….

Gosh, my full medical screening is jus a few days away…..
x-ray, blood, urine, eye test!!….. haiz…. Why is all this a requirement?
Hope this is the last one, I never wanna go thru this again…. Plz plz….
Will there be anything wrong with me??

~~Love Zann~~