i think im becoming insane

im surrounded by negavitve factors all over!!!
my brain's leading me to the "stress-land", making me think of all things negative..
i broke down n cry n inflict pain to myself emotionally..
im going crazy by each day... trying hard to stay normal when my brain is running wild...
what really is my problem?? really?? i really dunno...
all i know im NOT happy... but wat do i really want??

havent been focusing on work lately... took so many days leave as i need time for myself! in the emd, i got myself into so much trouble with mmgt and making a loss of more than $200, n confirm my probation will be extended! tts for sure.... i be getting so much pay cut, dun think i hv enuff at the end of the day! till today, i still unable to list down all things tt made me unhappy. stress! stress! stress!! gosh i sounded like im going insane...
didnt go to work again, tts sad n happy... happy i hv time, sad i dun get paid. feel like quitting but then again, im not a quitter who quit w/o a valid reason.

Hari raya haji i didnt wear baju kurung. ate alot... talk alot...
i was quite suprised to come to my grandma's place n found tt alot of pple r so nice to keep asking if i wanna/drink. Sis having cramps tt day so her muke cam pantat sikit!!
i spoken to my aunts n request for a picnic/bbq/camp at changi beach... i hope the plan will turn out right! cos im quiet excited bout it....

herman left for NZ alrdy... hope he comes back with great scenic pictures... wow!! cant wait!!
yana called me to act in her production, was working then i recommend my cousin, shikin. she be great on TV!! i was so stressed out yest i broke down mentally, totally lose it!!! i keep walking aimlessly n crying like the rain.... Anyway, thanks to Lina & Jasmine for helping me on the problem tts making me so crazy!~ Work is the best distraction i guess...

my silence is dangerous.... tt means im in deep thoughts, distracted, confused and totally not right
to o many things with too little time to think, all thoughts rush thru my mind at one instance....

Ir been quite cooperative these days, he tries to call me everyday if he can. well ok... but i prefer to see more of him...
collegues always taking bout holiday trips in apr to nov. so exciting....
go JL? BKK? pattaya? cairns? sydney?cebu? ko samui? krabi? KL?
we'll be having chalet soon if Taufiq plans it right in march.
ok im tired n i need to sleep. Bye