Slap in the face!

“You’re the dumbest, stupidest gal I ever know!”
A very disturbing remark… especially when its from someone you really love.
Yup, Amir Hamzah said that.
Silence.
Az: “If im so dumb n stupid y do u stick with me?”
Am: “Im the cleverest person here so I need a dumb gal. Y would I need a clever, smart gal??”

Ouch! That hurts even more.
Tears jus kept rolling….
It’s worst when more insults are being said after and before those statements.
My heart shattered. Im the “dumbest n stupidest gal he ever know” ???
Those words keep playing on my mind.

Other remarks such as “ I see nothing in you… your knowledge is low, discipline is poor, even your room is messy, my room is much cleaner….”
I shall stop the insults here. Its too painful for me to state more.
Its like im a nut being crushed by a hammer.
I have never regard myself as stupid or dumb. Even if it is so, only when mum says it is considered acceptable. But he gave such a deep impact when he said the dumbest n stupidest gal he ever know.

It all started when I told him I saw some grp of pple with big bags walking from pasir ris to tampines n I knew it was SPA… they’re having their round-island hike ard spore. My true view of it was, ‘Kental ar, its so funny to be like backpacking heavy loads and walking ard spore’
From there, he snapped. He didn’t wanna accept my view that it was kental. He started to be egoistic and start babbling about training n shooting insults at me. I, on the other hand, jus express that he’s jus kental to arguing about this. On and on he goes, insulting me.. saying that NPCC sucks and that he dun see anything benefiting me. I dunno, but that’s really childish.

Am: “You go thru it den you say ar, go carry big bags n walk ard Spore! PPle like you sit at home, got no achievements den wanna say so much”
Am: “Ir dah malas nak layan budak kental mcm iza.. I see nothing in you that NPCC taught you… Poor discipline… “
I tot that was very kental of him. I didn’t wanna join him in those insults. And take note, I never even insult him at all. He was directing everything to me. He really hv no rights to criticise me like that
Az: “I dun have to explain to you what I have learnt and gained from my experiences in NPCC, MLDDS or even in my studies.”

He really pisses me off at this point, I’ve been tolerating his insults fm the start, but now he’s pushing it too far.
Am: “If your stranded on an island, will you survive without the training you get in SPA? If you have only 3 things, which will you choose water, food or knowledge?”
Az: “You really wan me to answer that?? FINE!! Let me give you a very smart ans coming from an smart gal like me! Knowledge of cos!
Am: “wahaha.. knowledge?? Where r you gonna get that from?”
Az: “Fine. I may not have tt knowledge you possess. But let me tell u sumthin, if given tt situation of being stranded on an island, even the dumbest person will figure out how to live on that island. Slowly, he will learn how to work with the nature ard him, he have too, he hv no choice, its his only way of survival.”
Am: “Like I said before, I may not win with words. You will always have sumthin to say”
I thought by myself; ‘That is so true.’

I dunno how it started but the statement later came out of him, the dumbest stupidest gal thingy. Hurts so bad. I ended the call abruptly. I didn’t wanna talk or sms him.
Silence.
Bout 20mins later, he started calling n calling n calling. I didn’t answer any, I dint repond any msgs. Till this point, I think he gave up. All the apologetic messages came in. The ‘sorry’ came too late. I didn’t sleep till ard 3am.. eyes all swollen from the crying.

Hurted, crushed, desolated.
Humiliated.
The pain is felt even till now.
He still calls but I never did answer.
I dunno if I could forgive him.
Love is another thing, my pride, dignity, ego and emotion is another.

I sign off with a self-praise.
“I am not a dumb gal, I considered myself as a smart. Not clever but smart. I have my own achievements that I wouldn’t wanna boast.”