Crazy Loneliness

i feel lonely...
feel like im all by myself, myself is all i've got now
i sometimes wonder if there's anyone who cares tt much bout me[except for amir!]
this situation im having is putting much pressure on me esp wif his absence, i feel lost
i kinda feel i've no one to talk to
no one to share my probs
no one to cheer me up when im sad, crying by myself

i was thinking over n over again...
yes, im a loner all along... since young.. jus tt i dun realise it
i dun opened up tt much to pple, im emotionally sensitive n i bottled up feelings on my own
i guess im trying to learn to be independent...
im always taking risks... sounds weird but tt wat i am, though i dun like it, i'll still do it. Darnz!
every step i take in life, im forcing myself to learn to be independent
but i dun think i can, its too hard to act like ur strong when ur not
how can someone emotional be independent? it jus dun fit well...

friends come and go...
they hv a life on their own too!
those days where friendship r tight were long gone....
i've prepared myself to be alone over the years....
but it doesnt mean i can withstand loneliness
it doesnt mean i like being by myself all the time [though i do wanna be alone sometimes!]

hate this phrase of life! seemed meaningless.. im struggling with lots of things in mind. i hope i can make changes in life that could make me happy.
im not happy now.. n definitely lonely...
i need company... not to fill up the blanks in place for Ir, but i simply needed frens...

past few days, my mind is in a swirl...
meagre hours of sleep, constant urge to snack, pimple popping everywhere, mind is saturated.. cldnt think well, cant seem to concentrate... feel like im going senile
im getting emotionally affected too.. dunno y..
somehow felt that Ven was getting more sacrastic, Wafi keep pising me off i dunno y.. Jo's the same but felt weird cos she told them part of stories while i was kept in the dark.
Other frens r jus busy with sch or work, it seemed that i was on a different page with them or probably a different book altogether. . Diff path, diff lives... Some alrdy has a child, soem gettin married soon, some goes to same sch n courses, even my bestfren committed to work n bf all time this 4 yrs!
ITP proj draft deadline is 1 Mar 2005. UCCD Korea ppt on same day, BPT report n ppt 2 weeks later. Tests coming up soon too. Hope i can survive this tormenting moments where im not strong enough to keep myself together...
Insyallah...