I finally had the courage!

today... i dunno y i feel the need to have that check-up... with a female doc.
i've been in so much stress pondering this issue...
i jus need to know wats happening to my condition cos i've been bleeding for almost 3 mths!!

took off today n got scolded by her...
instead of showing concern, she scolded me... she said i shd hv come to work half-day...
she said i shdnt take the appt as an excuse for not coming to work...
i got very angry... i went into tears.. here i am scared of the check-up n some pple jus took it lightly even though i had even told her the actual medical prob im facing...
i know.. i know... she must hv tot i went partying again... tts all she thinks of me...
now, i think she probable tot i was pregnant... fuck la, let her think all she wants!
All i care now is my diploma.... n if she's gonna ruin it, i'll confront her for being bais!!

anyway, today's consulatation was ok. it was the weirdest consultation.
she was nice n approachable... i was very very nervous.... so nervous i keep stampering. i was so scared of any cancerous infections.
ok... this is my personal blog... i need to record certain things as part of my life..
she inserted some plastic tube n video so check for any defects...
it was really uncomfortable.. really.. but i kept telling myself i have to do it no matter how much it hurts... btw, she ask me alot of personal qns such as 'how sexually active r u?' haha...
she was very much pleased with all the answers she gets from me... im so thankful that i hadnt been stupid to do things tt might endangered my life further.
anti-drugs, anti-tobacco, anti-alcohol n so on...

anyway.... the result was, indeed i did have the piles... an internal growth.. i needed 2 separate surgery n major change in my diet.. now i had to eat more veggie n fruits n lots n lots of water! surgery? i dunno.. i dun hv the money n time.. my supervisor already not happy with my attendance. i really dunno wat to do... might cost more than $250 per visit... n its not jus a one-time thingy... its a follow-up procedure..
she ask if i wanted the pill[tube] to be inserted right in thru my ass... its very costly n i hv to be able to insert it properly... so i decline...

now, i felt relieved but still worried on financial..
n tt drastic change in diet!! how? i dun eat healthy, home cook food...
guys.. plz help me with the food part.. i need assistance!
n for the graduation trip, i can jus forget bout it...