Me... Bitch??

Y cant i have at least a DAY without worries, without being hurt, without thinking?? Just a DAY!! Im vexed....

Jus ended a conversation with Amir.. crying. Sob! Everythin was fine till....

Ok rewind!
I was so bored on the train back home after YY alighted. I started sms all my close frens to ask them to hang out at Tampines for coffee and cakes or jus catch up with each other! Turned out, everyone couldnt make it, got somethin on. Haiz... busy pple!!
So I started smsing pple again, one of them is Amir. I know he's at home so I sms him to call me back cos I'm so bored. I waited n waited for his response till I almost reach Tamp, n that's when I call him up. He said he'll call me back in a moment...

Everythin was fine till... He told me he didnt call me immediately cos he was talkin to Syaqina on the fone. That's fine, I'm completely ok with that.. dun mind waiting. The thing is I jus cant stand her is that she will say all sort of things bout me when she learnt that he wanted to end the call with her cos he wanted to call me back! Of course, the things she say was not nice at all. Dun understand y she cant hear my name being mentioned n y she got so jealous n angry about! Now, the thing bout Amir is : He cant lie to me!! He really cant, no matter how much he tries to hide or cover it.. I'll find it out from him.

It get even worse when he slips his tongue when he accidentally says " iza.... u'll be suprised if u find out that even ur own fren backstabbs u..." Like I mentioned earlier, he cant LIE to me! When I heard that, I was suprised, curious, upset and angry at same time!! My mind went crazy..... anger, anguish, curious, shattered, disbelieved, betrayed and eager to know who that fren of mine was and wat did that person say bout me!! I got so irritated and frustrated when he refuses to tell me that I increased my tone and sort of "force" him to tell me...

Despite the pain and anger, I still begged him to tell me!! Curousity jus kills me. If u tell me somethin halfway, u better tell me the whole thing... EVERYTHING!!
It turned out that that person is my former classmate Zubaidah! my own yr1 classmate.. she obviously do not know me well enough to judge me. Well I dunno wat her conversations with Syaqina(her colleague at GV during ITP) was but all i know is that, Syaqina told Amir that her frens all labelled me "SUPER BITCH" and Z was one of them. What the heck??? I dun even do any harm to any of them!! I was so hurt.... tears jus rolled down my cheeks, followed by pain o0f being stab right thru my heart.... gosh! BACKSTABBER.... I see Z almost everyday in sch and she bitch behind my back. Ouch! The whole super bitch thingy still hurts....

Wat wrong have I done? Did I anythin or any harm to them? Am I such a bitch, or super bitch rather?? Gosh.. gosh!!! All i know is that my conscience is clear. I've done nothing wrong!! I'm the innocent party here.....
I know the gals all thought that I was the bitch that comes in between Syaqina n Amir.. The thing is, Amir is getting closer to me n asking for a patch! Of course, he loves me deeply n I love him too but I'll be a bitch if i patch back, arent I?? haiz.. well, there's also more than jus that that makes me disagree to go into relationship even when I know I love him so much.. My mind is in such a mess!!

I hope one day I meet up with her to clear things up. I need a face-to-face talk with her and I want Amir to be present as well but he disagree with it cos it'll invite more trouble according to him. But I dun care, I need to clear my innocence.. I have to, I got to....