--Zany Zany Zan--

Endless problems

2008-09-13T00:31:00.003+08:00

Dad got admitted to CGH again...
Prior to this, his condition had been bad.... he's not eating well or talk much. he's getting weaker by the day. this worries me so much.... yes, got to admit i was very much pressurised by his conditions. Today is his 3rd day, i dunno how long he's gonna stay there but i much prefer him to be there cos he seemed so much healthier n livelier over there.
He's getting more emotional n sensitive by the day... i think it grows with age. One thing i need to really learn is to be tolerant n calm. i have the patience but i think tts not good enough.

I think the paycut im getting is getting too much for me to handle n i got too troubled by it somehow i kinda lost control of myself. I am really blessed to have Ir beside me to calm me down n put me back on track.

There's also alot alot of other unsolved, complicated, pressing issues tt kept troubling my restless mind. Gosh, im still trying hard to keep things under control. So far, i have been handling it well. And i must say, I really got to congratulate myself for that. Sometimes, its nt gd to keep being troubles by on the problem on hand. We shd all learn to handles the situation n control your mind to think of solution n switch ur brain to be a little positive.

Hari Raya is jus ard the corner n so is my birthday. Goodness, time flies!! gonna be 24 soon.... ohhhh pressure... pressure....

~~Love Zann~~

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!

2008-09-06T14:07:00.016+08:00

WOW!!!! ITS BEEN A LONG TIME I LAST UPDATE!!!

hmmm.... alot had happened....
but wats life without worry?? without the ups n down....
well lets not talk about the bad stuff....

i gt tix for NDP 2008 all thanks to my sis.
its so cool.... love it this year. the have the awesome air n sea display....

i just got my long awaited Australia trip!!!!
i figured timing fits well as im kinda financial prepared n Yanie's on a break too...
n yeah i get wat i wanna do, travelling ALONE.
i must say, its been a good experience... AWESOME holiday.... busy schedules everyday but i love the pace there... its alot slower.... calmer... not as rushy.... but its chilly... wore 4 layers at first, got a lil used to it n drop to 2 layers of clothing....
highest temperature 14 degrees n lowest at 3!! tts how cold it is.... ohh no... minus 5degrees at mount buller!!
i get to see kangaroo n koala... no time for penguins though!
ok.. i been to Victoria n New SOuth Wales state of Australia!! tts means Melbourne, Ballarat, Mount Buller, Geelong, The Great Ocean Road and Sydney.... awesome awesome!!!

I got a lil sick during my stay there.... fever, cold, cold sore, skin peeling, hydrating n moisture lost!! i didnt get homesick though!!

I went to Tioman island, malaysia with Ir a day after i came back from Australia...
oohhh i love tioman.... nice beaches.... lovely corals....
its so carefree.... its so chill.. i love it!! especially having him with me....
its my first time snorkelling n im loving it... i was amazed at how nice the corals n fishes are swimming past and around me. i was kinda suprised i didnt struggle while snorkelling....

Going back to work after 17 day of leave is so so so draggy!!!

~~Love Zann~~

2008-05-18T03:23:00.002+08:00

weather hv been really really hot these days....
so humid tt i cant slp at nights!
its almost 4am n im still awake n gotta get up for work soon....

so stressed up now....
my mind is bottled up with far too many pressing issues
i cant seem to open up to anyone... n its killing me... i jus cant speak up these days, i dunno y
its so pressurising to think of so many things in life... future is so unpredictable!!
i hate growing up.... wish i was still a carefree child...

haiz... work is getting ridiculous....
the traffic is so heavy n work is hectic due to stricter/hightened security measures...
of late, some staff gt terminated due to various reasons
i cant wait for my turn to be posted out bt then again, tt will take years!! so i can continue dreaming about tt day to happen.... haiz...

i really need some sleep now....

~~Love Zann~~

2008-05-08T10:49:00.001+08:00

i dun seem to hv time to update n mantain my blog....

considering to close it down :(

~~Love Zann~~

spendrift

2008-04-24T10:47:00.004+08:00

so much hv happened...
i bought new hp... the slim sony ericsson w890i!!! love the size n the classic look... very nice brown..
bought alot of random stuffs like bags, tops, shoes, sandals, make-up, nail colours n etc etc... ohhh i dine alot too.... just treated my family for a hearty meal for sis's 18th birthday at a seafood restaurant... gosh really cost me a bomb!!! its a good get-together-gathering, i hadnt seen my aunts n cousins for sometime now, so its all good!
sis better appreciate it!!! i bought her the JLo Live Luxe perfume as a bday present!!

these days been spending alot like nobody's business... i think i spend alot in the supermarkets!!! i love supermarkets.... tt day we went groceries shopping for our food ration at work n it cost us ard $60 n tts jus stuff like chocs, biscuits n instant noodles.. hahha
my own groceries cost alot more, tts a different story altogether!!!

the reason i been spending alot is because of the bonus i get. so i sort of took advantage of it!! thinking about it again, should hv save all tt loads of money for future use like travelling or savings.....
the govt giving us all another gst top-up thingy, i better save up on tt.

~Love Zann~~

short trip... work... cramps...

2008-04-07T12:59:00.002+08:00

kinda jus gt back fm a short weekend KL trip...
it was alright. good break fm work. could be better though!!
absolutely love my Brooklyn Suite at Berjaya Times Suites!!!

had a heated arguement with mum at Petaling street in KL, gosh she yelled at me in public!! and im proud to say tt i kept my cool n didnt shouted back.... i jus walked away!! seriously walking away cos im damn pissed at her..... n the best part, sis followed me n defy her orders not to follow me. haha.... she's pissed, really pissed at us. but she made a scene not me.
its like the first time ever, i didnt give in to her like i always do. Sis n me took one own sweet way back to the hotel on our own.... without the parents!!
when they got back to the suite, she was superly nice brought us suppers!! she knows she's in the wrong in the first place.....

im not very satisfied with the new work scheme. argghhhh..... cant be bothered alrdy. im jus contented im earning an income.

had my worst menstrual cramps yest..... gosh! its damn painful.... so much so tt I cried, yest i cried......
it was right after my night shifts ends n i couldnt sleep, keep tossing n turning in bed.... im in cold sweats....
sis was so sweet to bring me water n medicine. awwwww... love u babe!
Ir made it worse for me for his un-caring n un-concerns towards me, tt made me cry much much more!! thank god he made up for it.... love u dear....

im getting lazier by the day.... work really burns me out!!
putting on weight at fast rate.... thanks to all the food indulgence moments for the past 3 days in KL....

~~Love Zann~~

happy

2008-02-25T12:08:00.003+08:00

finally.... i had my total relax azizan's off day on friday....
woke up really late tt day.... went for my facial spa n massage, den pedicure n finally a haircut. so tts like.. face, body, feet n head massages!! woahhh so pampering!!!
after tt went to fetch sis fm work n off we go to Expo for metro sale. i kinda dun like sale cos there's no one who really attend to me, "no trying" policy or the queue is too long, plus i'll buy unnecessary stuffs!!!!

ven cldnt make it on sat, make last min plans with fana.
Sunday was the best!! been anticipating the day!!! to meet my baby!!
im so damn happy, i dunno how to describe it. miss him too much. i jus grab n hug him n dun wanna let go...
Sparkie is finally out... changes here n there... nice la. better of cos but i kinda gt scared at the speed it can go....

catch L changes the world yest, we gt free choc!! i tot there wld be some link to the Death note series... the only link is Watari, tt old man. its a nice movie still!! very smart but i so dun want it to end cos we all know tt L gonna die at the end.
we had Breekz! chicken for dinner. i hv to stop dining alrdy... cant seem to afford it alrdy... spending on dining like some rich kids!!

my new hair cut is kinda hard to mantain. urgghh! wat i like is tt, its totally black now!! no more brown ends... im so loving black hair!! :)
ohhhh im kinda pissed tt i had to ballot for my leave in march. but yay!!! its approved.... im so darn lucky!!! KL here i come!!! the last time i went to KL was years ago. i wanna be up tt Eye of Malaysia, screaming on those thrilling rides at berjaya times, staying n realxing on Berjaya times suites hotel, shopping ard like no one's business, indulging on the good food of Malaysia!!!
parents r coming along, which also translates to more spendings n lesser fun. but it doesnt matter, i badly need tt break. a short holiday break.

urgh!! night shifts again tonite.... the cycle never seems to end....

~~Love Zann~~

worries

2008-02-17T20:45:00.002+08:00

People ard me r not doing so well n im so upset tt i can do much.
Deepest condolences to Fana n Nazia for the death of their grandma. i hope things r fine. Fana doesnt seem like she's taking it well.
Ven going thru tough times, i really hope she can pull herself thru. Kinda frustrated tt our shifts clashes. Haiz... but im really happy tt im catching up with her this sat.
Zizz is rushing thru his school work cos he lost all his work due to negligence. Poor him. He had to re-do everything in such short time n juggling between work n school. he even suffered a strained neck. catching up with him yest is so good. kinda miss the guy. i'll make a point to make time for him since he's the one who hv lots of commitments now.
Fuzzy is very disappointed with me for not turning up for his gig. He was expecting me to come. I was the only one from work he so-called invite or told abt his gig.... he repeatedly reminded me of it n coincidently, it was the only time where my shifts do not clash. I had the intention to go, but i jus gt stuff to do n i jus dunno who to ask along. i'll have to remind myself tt my goodfren here needs my support. we havent been catching up too. i need to find time to catch up in real time.
i hadnt contacted Yam or San for sometime now. sms a little but tts basically it. i really need time to catch up with pple.
n my dear darling sis..... i miss her.... hanging out together. haiz....

People close to me doesnt seem happy when i told them tt i got back together with Amir... haiz... it worries me alot. a little upseting for awhile, but then again, its a good thing. i knew they meant well. Yes, i made the decision all on my own. i followed my heart.
i didnt exactly consulted anyone about it. im happy with the decision i've made.
i guess they r just worried i might hurt myself again n again.... i really appreciate all tt care n concerns. thanks guys. love u all.... i know... we're talking about my ex, the one who used to hurt me alot alot alot n almost bring me down to insanity.
but i'll be fine. i know wat im doing.

~~Love Zann~~

love is in the air

2008-02-15T19:24:00.009+08:00

love love love
amir & azizan
white puma sweater gift fm him
nice!! he's unaware when i snap this
funny look!! hahahz
Earl Swensens at ViVo city... we gt exclusive seats as compared to other couples!!
the yummilicious calamari.... a must-eat item!
crayfish seafood pasta for 2.... its enough for us....
my sizzling apple crumble pie
his banana wrap
ir & iza
reflection
the lovely-dovey us
im tired la baby
night safari.... fun fun fun.... still hadnt had enough!!
hmmmm..... who's tt on the phone?
wats with the face Ir?
at the carpark
i jus wanna fit in the pix... haha... kepo!
iza... ir... in love....
supper at Simpang bedok
amir, azizan, fana, nazia
us at MOS
us again

W-O-W!!!
very very hectic schedule!!!
im so tired, the sofa is where i doze off.... sleep is never enough...

with Ir fetching me with sparkie... i became a lil too pampered....
hehehe.... i need to have less of that...
im too preoccupied with other stuff in life tt i guess i missed out blogging abit about love life.

goshhh... gosh.... GOSH!!! im sooooooo in love with my baby....
i realised tt,(actually i knew all along) no matter wat happens, the only one person tt stays in my heart is him. the one n only reason y moving on is so difficult n getting over it is almost impossible!
love is unconditional. so true!! no matter how much better off in any aspect the next guy is, nothing beats the guy u love most. well, i believe it is!!
i need a guy who loves me wholeheartedly, to manja with, shares my sad n happy moments with, spend my life with.... a guy to pamper me, support n protect me emotionally n physically unconditionally... i dunno how to describe it in words.... i jus love him so so so much
the one im crazy with all the time... no matter wat, no matter how..... even when im in denial...
the one tt i want. fullstop.

though initially i was the one who wanted things to work between us, i think he's the one making most of the efforts..... watever it is, it felt so good.
parents kinda not in the way anymore..... i guess after all we had gone through, they wld hv approve knowing how much we love n fight for each other.

we never did celebrate valentine but since we're both rostered off..... Ir decide to bring me to the Night Safari!! weeeeee~~~~ it was fun!!!
felt kinda lost cos its kinda dark n its my first visit there, so im kinda blur. every little things excites me.... hehehe..... nice! i wld wanna go there again...
prior to tt, we had dinner at Earl Swensen's at ViVo. nice yummy food.

~~Love Zann~~

pix of past trips n events

2008-02-02T18:48:00.000+08:00

me, aliff n half of faizal at woodlands nite
christina, yun, faizal, zan, vera, erin
aliff, fana, faizal, yunus n me after 1.5hrs of Uno game!! haha

fana was almost camoflauge in this pix. haha!!

ok... faizal cant be seen here... haha
the gal
r we on a holiday???
illegal immigrants
saz, lela, fana, farhan, zan
my medic, shyamir

ohhhh welcome welcome!!
cycling time!!!
pit stop... tired la....
cute!!!
the nice fall

miss tt good ol ice lolly
nasi ayam penyet time!!!
lela enjoying her food
nice drinks combo!!!
where's lela??

i looovveee this pix
on the 2nd highest level
resting time

top of the Jelutong tower's spiral staircase

~~Love Zann~~

time for some pictures....

2008-01-29T11:21:00.000+08:00

swwweeettt.... yum yum....
messy messy
oooooohhhh i love it!
Nanz bought this for me cos it reminded her of me when she sees it... so sweet!!
chilling....
shopping at expo... dis was sumtime ago... haha
i love love love love love love love dis gal soooooo much!!! muackkzzz
she's drawing out cash.... draw out more dear!!!
i like the Expo mrt station.... so futuristic!
need to say more? its all written all over her!!!
Voted #1 Shopping Queen & Shopping makes me feel happy

our Jewels!!! mine n hers
my sweet artpiece... hahaha
so comfy.... my new ipanema sweet pretty sandals...
my Cotton On sandals suddenly became my mum's. haha i gave it away
touch-up time baby!!

i jus wanna say..... I LOVE U BABY SIS!!!
im workin n she's working so hard to find time together.

u may not hv done well for ur O's but i wont blame or push u....

she request today off cos its my off day too jus so she can SPEND time with me.... awwwwww..... so sweet!!!!! i had lots of plans but i cancel them all for her cos i know she'll do the same for me.

its almost 12pm n she's still asleep while i gt up by 8am. hahahhaa....

~~Love Zann~~

stress???

2008-01-26T18:00:00.000+08:00

ok... im having a hard time managing my time...
feel sick again yest.... doc says its due to stress, insufficent rest, sleep deprivation n overworking!!
my blood pressure went up again... haiz... aiyoohhh... gave me anti-depressant thingy....
my body aching seh... feel so lethargic

i argued n shouted back to my superior... well.. i made a mistake n admit but he's too much, he's just rude. dun think im someone u can push ard. i dun normally burst unless provoke. now, i gt myself into trouble n hv to write statement. watever!!! i wont respect u cos u dun earn tt fm me. take away ur uniform n rank, ur jus nobody.

ok lots to update. let me backtrack abit. its gonna be at random. my injuries r slowly recovering. i can now use my right arm/palm with force. tried doing push ups. its OK!!!! yay!!!
woodlands nite's duration was too long but its fun.... i won a home telephone. hahaha. faizal was so sweet to fetch n send us hm tt day.... ohhh ya i help the magician make the table fly n had to act 3 sets scenes fm the movie titanic. nonsense sehhh.... hahahaha!!!
after tt we went to Mount Faber to chill n play the longest game of UNO at 1.5hrs!!
went to MOS for Iswandi's 24th bday.... was fun n scary.. lots of fights n siti j passed out. we almost lose her. thankfully they ppl ewe're with were certified first aiders n performed cpr before the ambulance came. she was admitted to kk. the incident really scares me off n im trying to stay calm, panic really doesnt help.
went to macritchie reservoir for the hsbc tree top trail but its closed on mondays.... we jus trek ard tt area. my shoes gave way tt day, i threw my nike right after tt.
went shopping with seha n bought myself a blue dress.
went blading with lyana n yati at ECP. finally!!! after such a long time!!! yay.... it wasnt as fun cos we can speed.... we taught yati to skate, poor gal fell a couple of times... ouch!!
after tt went to amir's bbq pit... get to know more pple there.... skate some more when pple r so busy catching up amongst themselves... wahh shiok man... speed up n songs blasting fm my mp3!!!!

had supper n catch rambo 4 with nazia n amir. nice movie. still recovering fm the after effects of the violence fm the movie. took my medicine n sleep. gosh hate the fact tt im so WEAK.
arrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

~~Love Zann~~

busy busy busy

2008-01-17T17:40:00.000+08:00

ok two words: FREAKING BUSY!!!!!!

yupz... been so occuppied with so many things these days
plans here n there... cancelling n making them... kinda tired trying to keep up with it.

im tryin to meet up with alot of pple whom i miss.... trying to find a slot aint easy... now i can only try to plan 2 weeks in advance....

i've been HAPPY. my appetitte starting to g-r-o-w!!! Omigosh... its unstoppable!!

really... been eating so much lately... like i havent eaten for days!!!

right now.... i've been trying to catch on sleep... seem to be missing on that!

sleep deprivation... arrrggghhhh the root to all my crapiness n forgetfulness....

im so tired easily, yet i still try hard to make it for watever plans i had... i dun like to cancel plans unless i really have to...

love the feeling of being loved.....
i knew love was there all along.... u jus need to put those ego down
all that drama can finally end!!
been giving in alot now... plus i dun much hv time due to shift work...
it aint gonna be busy... but im trying to make it work.... *wink*

all that shopping hv to STOP!!! spending way too much alrdy....
i dunno y i keep buying sportswear... they're nt cheap!! we're talking about more than $40 per piece!!! hmmmm, its supposed to be motivating me to do something abt my physical self which i hadnt get myself to do yet!!

my palm still hurts when i pressed it down or accidentally hit it.
its alrdy irritating me n restricting my movements!!!
urghhhh!! i can even wear gloves to do physical stuff.... wearing my wrist guard hurts too... so skating will hv to wait!!!! urrgghhhh!!!!!
taking care of the wound slows me down, hv to do things slowly...

speaking of which, i drag morning shift so much! simply cldnt wake up!!
reported late... took cab.... rush rush.... etc...
cab fares r ridiculous!!!! my ezlink card value seem to be depleting so quickly... hmmmmm

i tot Dec 2007 was a busy period for me.... Jan 2008 is the busiest!!!
thankfully i hv an organiser to help me keep up with my appt n activities...
hope things slows down by feb....

i miss lots of pple now..... im trying to find time to schedule a meet-up
pple i wanna meet:
- Ir
- KakReeina
- Venassa
- Shaz
- Zizz
- Widya
- Ala
- Eddy& Shaf .... n lots more!!!

~~Love Zann~~

seventeen?

2008-01-07T19:02:00.001+08:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Subscribe to Seventeen Magazine at a 67% discount!

funny!!!

2008-01-07T17:45:00.000+08:00

see!! its jus minor injury only.... my palm hurts the most, the wound is quite deep!! i cut a few layers of skin to clean it. still hurts now. haiz such a hindrance esp when working.

look at them so relaxed eh.... i was shivering by then.
the old-skool favourite coloured "air batu". its 50cents ok! so expensive.
Saz, Fana n An happily eating at Changi V
Lela enjoying her food, didnt bother when i was snapping her pix
our colourful drinks. so pretty eh!!

its funny how the simplest things can excites me.

its like an instant happiness :)

a simple text msg, call which may sometimes mean nothin more than jus "hello"

meeting is so exciting, so looking forward... im willing to cancel my plans jus to see u. hehe. i may not show it but im so happy deep inside.

hehe. i miss tt. tt feeling of falling in love. or hv i fallen??

or maybe i hv always been in all along??

hmmmmmmmm.....

its funny how quite a number of pple knew about me falling off my bike at Ubin. haha. paiseh. so fast ar pple know!! i dun take mc cos of my fall ok, im really sick yest. aiyoohhh... hehe.

anyhow, my wrist still hurts. it hurts stamping. ouch.

supposed to be blading at ECP today but Lyana didnt want to cos of my injury :(
i badly wana blade!!! miss it. haiz....

the botanic garden photography session with Matt on 18jan hv to be cancelled too!! urghh!!

arrrggghhhh i keep having to cancel on my plans!! irritating!

funny went hm with Dila n went to BK. weird service given. hehe

Dila's responsible for tt!! cos she wldnt wanna give her number to tt guy :P

but the burger is good. n the onion rings. yum! so filing :)

its funny how the rumour abt Fahmi n me maybe wasnt a rumour. maybe cos its initiated by the person himself. hmmm maybe some pple really want tt attention huh?? hmmm i definitely dun need it.
im sick of it infact!!! im trying to stay low all along n being cant-be-bothered by watever happening n im happy wif it. if u want attention, at least, dun make use of me. upsetting seh.

somehow, wat some wise frens said makes sense. i aint gona do anythin abt it cos it doesnt affect me. i can deal with rumours pretty well all these while, so its all good.. i jus need to be a lil careful i guess....

im glad my frens knew who i was n was sure tt i wldnt do certain things tt wasnt me. so good to know tt :)

~~Love Zann~~

overexerting myself

2008-01-06T16:59:00.000+08:00

hmmm..... lets backtrack abit
ever since we crossed over the new year.. i've been rather busy...

i got sick on 3jan... contracted by the flu virus, followed by fever...
my eyes gt watery n developed some irritating headache. i clnt sleep tt nite but i hv to report to work by 8am the day after. took medication n left. when im sick, my movements r slow, so obviously i hv to report late for duty for abt 15mins. my condition worsen tt day, 4jan, i almost wanted to report sick n took mc but i cant, i alrdy performed few hrs of ot n the next shift is wif my own team, so i figured it shd be ok. true enough!! i gt good deployment. chhoo-choo train!! ohh yeah. i took some medicine fana recommended but i dun think it works! my fever gt higher n higher.
i cldnt even concentrated on the job!! Mr Ng was nice enough to let me sleep n rest for awhile n told me nt to do counter n go standby at x-ray instead. luckily the Cisco guy who did x-ray was Marzuki, he entertain me abit. by tt time, i was shivering like mad. was wearing uniform plus my bomber jacker plus the i-care jacket n still shivering!!! gotta thank radiah for the i-care jacket!! i was "high" by tt time alrdy.

Fana was so sweet to wait for me aft work. Pple fm train usually go hm late. Abg Ipin offered to send Su, Afzan, Fana n me hm, he's so sweet!! we all live in the east - tamp/bedok/pasir ris while he live in woodlands! Ir picked me up fm work cos he gt to know im sick. So went off with Ir instead. We had supper at Simpang n do some catching up. i hadnt seen him since 4dec. i gt hm ard 2am. had wake up at 7am for my cycling trip at pulau ubin, but i didnt. when Saz sms me at 8.15am, tts the time i woke up. rushed to get ready cos Saz n An alrdy under the void deck, i can see them from my kitchen. haha! i couldnt decide which to take but An told me to take his!! yay..first time on SP! plus he's kinda big so i feel safer, ermmm Saz's rather small. hehe.

Den go fetch Fana at her plc den to white sands to meet Lela. she dunno how to go changi on her own. so cute on her guilera. had mac breakfast there, den off we go to Changi v!!! wahhhh the new arrival/dep hall there is so nice, unlike the old one! even the boat rides r not so bumpy now!! :)

its Saz n Fana first visit to Ubin, Lela's second, me n An been there a couple of times. An's grandparent used to live there so he hv childhood memories at Ubin. Fun trip!! we went to explore so many places, kinda got lost a little n went to some dead end. but we gt back on track. oh yah, we visited An's grandparents abondoned hse. they moved out 3 yrs ago, now its a mess n the govt gonna demolished it soon. we had to leave our bikes outside n walked thru the bushes to get to the hse. An looked pretty sad. "this is where i used to sleep on... the tv used to be here.... behind tts the durian tree... etc" i felt eerie in tt hse. like "someone" was there. the mirrors/closet/ doors/ rooms... scarry! at tt time i feel like slapping Saz to shut him up, he wldnt stop taking unnecessarily n making "offensive" jokes n touching things ard the hse. An is another one, telling us tt this is the spot where he had his "encounter" with "her" so n so... Fana jus keep taking pictures ard n asking An qns after qn. haha cute! Me n Lela kept quiet all the way cos we both felt the same way i guess. When we're at our bike, Lela snap at Saz for being so complacent. hahaha!!!

so many up n down slopes.... down slopes r ok, up slopes r the killer ones, he had to get off the bikes n push!!! tiring... ohhh speaking of slopes, i fell off the bike from a series of steep slopes.... haha!!! they were all far ahead of me but i was moving at high speed i overtook them downslopes, den i realised my breaks were nt working.... i lost control n threw the bike to the left n fell to the right. oucchh!! its painful.... wounds everywhere. my skin got peeled off n my attire filled with mud. even my $89 dry-fit pants gt torn!! ouch heart pain!!
the injury hurts but still bearable!! :) the guys were so sweet when they help me when i fell. didnt wanna be such a wimp n spoil the day so we jus proceed on venturing....
it was tiring but fun. i rem Ubin but somehow, it looks different now. even An said so. the path, the Nordin beach n etc. we were all tired but we still had time for picture-taking. haha. im the cameraman for the day. Lela's digicam is with me all the time! snap snap snap!! :P

left ubin n had Nasi Ayam Penyet at Changi V. its raining so we cant move off, so we chill somewhere first. cldnt decide wat to do next even when the rain stopped. We plan to catch a movie together later. Fana insisted tt i had my wounds cleaned so we went to her hse n chill. watch "snakes on plane" on hbo while eating, he mum cooked noodles. i didnt know her bro was my junior in sec sch till he told her he knew me. haha my medic was my jr!! thx Shamir!! he did a gd job though it was painful n i feel like punching his head when he was cleaning it with alcohol n pressing down the wounds. haha. Fana was so sweet to give me a new pair of clothes on. they were all tired so we all left hm. An send me hm. i rested for awhile n went out to fetch sis fm work n buy supper. i slept immediately when i reached hm. i cldnt woke up this morning cos my body was aching all over. im in pain!! fever is running high n i totally lost my voice. im still upset tt i gt sick so early this yr!!! but.... Fana n Fahmie called this morning to go doc so i decide nt to go work. Kinda wasted cos i wanna go work today, supposed to do ot today too with team Charlie. i told abg champion im gonna do ot, i hadnt seen him for awhile. haiz.... next cycle la.

all i did today is eat n sleep. boring!!
i've been taking my medication this time. im "high" on drugs now. haiz. i wanna work.

~~Love Zann~~

My Day outz.. love them all..

2008-01-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

Farz & Yam. the lovely-dovey couple
tt Liverpool soccer match. liverpool didnt win. heh.
internet browsing session.
reading this while waiting for Zizz
where is he? hmmmm....
Zizz!! isnt he cute?!
Zizz & Zann
Yam & Zann
Alla & Zann
cuzzins. colleagues. closefrens.

San & Zan
San's shy??!!
oooooo..... totally love Java Chip Frapp with extra Choc drizzle
Ven & Zann

my blue cotton on slippers.... yeah slippers r the way to go for shopping activities!
love love love!!! *muackz*
erm.... this was at a gig.... some time ago... Arts House

the VIP table!!!
Shazzy n Zanny
shorties
pretty Shaz!! *winks*

Kak Reeina's SUV
She look so small next to her car. hehe

love her!! it was 4am... sleepy look! hehe

phweeettt!!! woman on wheels. check out this cool chic!!

our breakfast. Indian style. Lots of pratas! different kinds! n teh tariks

~~Love Zann~~

new year eve

2007-12-31T14:36:00.000+08:00

~~ Zizz & Zann ~~

the cute ones. hehe

c.o.l.o.u.r.s. love colours!!
in a lift
this walkway is usually crowded!!

peace out!!

weeee!!! im on leave. dun hv to work nite shift tonite! :)

many of my plans backfire... so lets wait n see how it goes la

watever it is, im jus happy nt to report to work. contented.

slpt really late last nite... ard 4am... watch soccer with Zizz...

liverpool vs man city. he wanted to watch it.

at the same, tryin to study last min, but no use la bring the books along! didnt really read.

hmmm boring match!! tkde thrill ar. kinda upsetting.... 0-0

but ok.... lucky the goalkeeper, Hart, kinda cute. haha. oh well, girls!

its funny, cos we're like passing each other stuff. he jus gave me dvd.

n oh!! espirit voucher!! yes!! he gave me. oohhh love him!! :)

i tink i been using shopping vouchers n spending alot alot more than watever the vouchers' worth. hehe. its ok. shopping will hv to stop today!!! im so going for last min new yr eve shopping later..... for one LAST time!! a fren told me "wahhh lucky im nt a girl" haha

woke up early at 6am but reluctant to get ready... slp slp slp n delayed till 9.30am n i started rushing! hehehe... at the back of my mind, "hey!! its the last day of the year.... there's always cab.. so y not?" so i took my time ar.... came on time la but taxi cab fares r really pricey now!! i wont complain cos its NYE.

one hr in class n i gt bored. dun feel like proceeding anymore. hehe. tired la.

i text Ir to meet for lunch but he cldnt make it. hmmm.... so it makes the class draggy-ier.

oh btw, wats interesting is, i bumped into so many pple there. even Rafi was there. n ohhh my eyecandy!! he's there too.... in my next class... he's so cute la. dun see him ard at work anymore, transfer alrdy i think. tts an instant smile! hehe

bumped into an old fren. makin cute seh die. chat abit abt his band den i hv to go.

i went hm smiling... so happy!! yay... was supper hungry n i bought lots of snack n eat them all up in the bus!! bus ride nvr been so busy, i was like texting non-stop!! one msg aft another!!

yay!! Ven's coming back in a few hrs.... nt sure if she hv the energy to go out later. haha. hope she hv a good time there. miss her.

my aunt called to chat. love talking to her.

oh gosh! im sleepy + tired. but i gt lots to do.

im so excited for new year!!! which is not long later.'

2008 will be a busy year, i tink.

thinking back.... 2007 was a very quick year!

life hv its ups n down. i realised my temper is better. i dun get angry easily. much more calmer now. im contented n more appreciative towards everythin. i argue less with everyone... no bf mah! n esp with my parents, i dun argue with them. cant say im much more tolerant n patient.

2007.... i spent the most!! i cried the most!! alot alot alot. haha

but i sleep the least. i spent lesser time with family n friends.

2008??? its too early to say.

hope its a better year. will list down my new yr resolution soon.

i need to rush off. Happy New Year!!!

love love love

*muackz*

~~Love Zann~~

last day at work

2007-12-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

today's my last day at work for the year!!
i can say its been a nice day...

finally, hv some time to catch up wif my dear Fana!! miss tt babe!!
walk ard causeway point n tampines central areas... its rainin heavily this evening
been snacking alot whole day.... n still hungry!! hmmm is tt a sign?
hmmm.... satay hotdogs r nice!!

Ir contact me after nt long ago. there's no means of me contacting him cos i delete his hp no, msn, friendster. yup i did all tt cos he gt me really pissed n mad! so the only way is, him contacting me.
hv to admit i miss him. doesnt matter if he doesnt feel the same way.
he wans to know how im doin now n if i picked up smoking lately so tt means he cares. "it will break my heart if u start smoking"
i dunno wats tt supposed to mean but he doesnt seem bother much after tt one long conversation we had. no other sms/calls/meetups. but the concern is much appreciated.
i tink i dun like the fact tt he text me cos its affecting me more now....
haiz... watever it is, i dun wanna cry anymore. which im nt! so its a gd sign :)
i jus wanna be happy...

im happy tt my relationship wif certain pple in my life is getting on fine, if not, better!!
im taking a step at a time. treasuring n appreciating the joy n happiness pple brought to me
to those who stayed by my side, to be there for me, to hear me out.. to love me... to make me smile... THANK YOU
im giving myself a chance to be happy. i've stop sufferring myself .
happy thoughts!!

hmmmm..... still no plans for countdown yet.
oh crap! i'll probably jus stay hm....

~~Love Zann~~

tiring....

2007-12-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

ooooo..... who's tt?? my fav helmet... so cool.... best at nite
waiting for...... christmas ar??
i look so blue.... thx to the Jab's car blue lights
abg Bob's toyota Wish.. front seat again!!

Jab's subaru impreza
Lan's hyundai accent
Wati's & Aidi's Mazda
Abg Bob's Toyota Wish
Impreza cool interior

no pix of Abg Ipin n Cik Zainal's hyundai matrix.

haha.

i forgot its the weekends alrdy... the days seem to pass by so quickly
2 more days left for 2007!!!

i havent had sufficient rest/sleep...
really2 tired.
i had the "best" roster so far... aiyoohhh how bad cld it be?? its ok. im like watever. gasak kau la nk kasi aku ape!!

i'll make it short. go jb on thu nite aft work. dvd, eat, chill, pump petrol. ok go hm.
last trip, 6 cars. 2 Hyundai matrix, subaru impreza, mazda 3, hyundai accent, toyota wish.
cldnt make up my mind which car i wanna be in. supposedly Hyundai matrix but i chose Jab's Subaru Impreza cos i started with tt n ride on Toyota Wish home. fickle. hehe
Jab is crazy... like crazzieee!!! he spends over $2k jus for the new sporty-look bonnet cover jus recently. today, he told me he change to the new gold rims!
reach hm at ard 6am.

work up at 8am. chill. breakfast. den off to eastpoint for appt.
Dion is sighing n worried for my skin condition!!! yup its horrendous. ok exaggerating! nt tt bad la but still, bad. gt to start taking care. darnz! sign up for more sessions n bought facial products. wahhh so ex! nvm... hv to invest abit for beauty sake! haha
meet up wif sis on train n off to Expo for metro sale. Shop like crazy. den off to orchard for more shopping activities....cant believe movies r sold out so darn fast. skip on tt n move on to shopping. spend alot at watson's again!! only crazy gal like me spends almost $300 there!!
off to topshop, cotton on, forever 21 for more shopping. walk here n there. feet aching even when im in slippers!! *pain pain*
i guess im nt used to standing for so long!! work only requires me to sit. hehe.
carry all the stuff hm. hands burn out due to lots of stuff to carry.
snack here n there n supper at ljs. go hm, unpack, sleep.
work up early. go work. "best" roster ever. sweat alot. wash-up. rush to town. fana cldnt make it, go alone. heck!
more shopping. meet up with Fuzzy n go back to tamp. pasar mlm. snack. drop by sis's workplace. go hm. chat with dad, go online n sleeping soon.

oohh goodness!! spend too much. nvm, festive seasons, cant blame myself for it.
hv to stop by next yr!!

sis help with my laundry n changed the new bedsheet!! love her!!!
thanks dad for the cover!!! love it

~~Love Zann~~

SOS!!!

2007-12-26T13:04:00.001+08:00

ok help needed!!
i feel so unkept now.
havent been taking care of my personal self n my room... my wardrobe! gosh... its horrendous!!

pimples starts popping up... arrgghhh!!
i need my beautician badly now!! Dion been tryin to get thru me but i jus in a fuck-up state to bother n make appointments.
so i called her earlier n she said slots r full den when she ask for my name, instantly, she said, "Azizan!!! Dion here!!! u busy huh?? working on full shifts lately?? ok ok tmr 11.30am ok."
hehehe... wahhh feel so priviledged!!

my hair need some tender loving care too... some treatment will help!!
dunno when i'll find time to fix appointment with my hairstylist.... but he's kinda irritating la, keep asking me to go for ceramic perms! gosh... i dun hv time to take care of curls la... plus im always tie up my hair. im still keeping the perms in mind though! they're really cute..

pedicure. still looks gd. but need to mantain it.
only hv time for appt next yr..

health. gosh! im feeding myself rubbish n junks all the time!!
have to stop somewhere. nxt year la....need to change eating habits completely!!
craving r really strong n irritating la!!
i can see the sun lately, no reason not to run alrdy. ok... nxt year!! :)

gosh.... i sound like some tai-tai. hahaha!!
no harm pampering myself!!

ohhhh i hv pple i dunno calling me up lately. those, frens of frens introducin me kind of!
really irritating!! dun mean to be rude but guys, ur moving too fast!! mcm desperate!
friendship is all i want, no more.
dun let me find out whoever my frens who gave/pass my number to them!!! im gonna be mad.
i hv 3 such persons now. it betta stop here.
~~Love Zann~~

so this is Christmas

2007-12-25T13:16:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas!! ho ho ho...
its christmas!! parents went to malacca, siblings working, im hm alone
hahhaa i shd be sleeping soon....

woahhhh!!! nite shift finally over....
shitty roster.... my breaks taken up again for 2 days in a row!
no time to sleep.... nvm....
lucky i gt nice partners :)

i met so many pple i know....
the awkward one was Fred n Iffah.... was suprised to see them... with his new car.
we're nt even talking, i jus smiled. she doesnt look pleased to see me, like making faces. dunno if she's annoyed by the jam or anythin else la. he seem paisey of her reaction. awkward!! we both jus smiled at each other. nt a single word.
but the sweet thing is, he sms me to apologise. nice guy :)
suddenly recall the memories we shared, really sweet but... no, it didnt happen. my decision. no regrets.

yest was christmas eve!!! Fana n me were singging christmas songs n irrirates Dila all the way. haha. she's boyfriend-less for so many days cos Burn in KL for holiday....
she calls us Santa's Elfs. hehe.

i hadnt seen fana for so long cos she's on long MC. nite shifts r often draggy n makes us lazy. so to perk things up, Fana offered to pick me up by cab. best nye. hehe...
actually, was supposed to go work wif Fahmi but i miss Fana. hahhaa! he's kinda pissed cos he had to go work alone. ohhh recently, some kepo pple hv been talking abt us. heck it la. Fahmi is like a bro who looks after me, just like abg Ipin.

~~Love Zann~~

pix of me now....

2007-12-24T11:43:00.000+08:00

Ayul... the little rascal....
she's strangling me... urgghh... tts my lil monster!
purple
art. newspaper/magazine design inspirised.
the cool bed
ayul. boyboy. kak ijan.
chilling
alla. lynney. zann
wind blows my hair

my new Playerz Girl jacket. artistic.
caught in the moment
pretty purple pedicure!!!
hey!! gimme back my stuff. my lil monster took my hp away.
nerdy me in specs.

sipping a drink on a hot day!

so basically..... i've gained alot of weight.
dun wanna reveal it. *paiseh*
maybe cant really see it in pictures cos i usually take pix in angles tt doesnt make me look fat.
im fat. urgh.

~~Love Zann~~

happy!!

2007-12-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

im in happy mood!! :)

slamat hari raya haji!! this is late but i wanna say it anyway...
i get to eat my so-called seoul garden!! best nye....
i finally gt my sports shoe!! yay.... all my sports items cos me so much so i better start working out next year!! after the rainy seasons tt it!!

been happy lately... finally!!!
been meeting up with lots of pple.... busy busy
im on leave yest n was kinda upsed tt i cldnt make the KL trip... haiz... nvm... i enjoyed my day....

went to JB with Jannah n Fara on friday nite.... bought DVDs n stuff... so happy to finally hv time to go out with my batchmates fm Team Charlie!!
reach hm close to 3am... was supposed to meet up with San sometime ard 3am but i went hm too early n by the time he called n sms, im gone!! lala land!! hehehe....

den i had to work up early for JB again the nxt morning(yest), Zizz was already downstairs to pick me up when i hadnt even showed.... so fast game, i jus grab a dress!! the fastest n easiest stuff i cld find in my wardrobe! hahahaha
was supposed to go by bus but last min change of plan.... we ride all the way tt day!!
so we had breakfast n straighttaway went for the photo shoot... they all look good la.... lawa n handsome la!! :P
unfortunately for Zizz, after the whole photo session, the photographer told him tt they lost all the memory of his shots in the memory card!! wahhhh screwed up.... he's pissed seh!! so kecian.... lucky they did something to compensate him.... so sayang cos his frames r so nice n gorgeous!!
Faizal was being bossy n irritating seh.... cos he used to do freelance photographer n model... mcm2 ar his ideas n directions... but it was fun n funny in a way...
I bought this really nice black Playez Girls black sweater which i totally fall in love with at first sight. i dun even look at the price tag!! kinda ex but Zizz says its so me n shd jus get it!! which i did!! yay!!
i also bought a very pretty ipanema white/pink/gold slippers.... love at first sight hgain!!
we had nice dinner before we left
it rained quite heavily so we're drenched... n super2 cold.... thank goodness i bought sweater if not, i'll be freezing!!! the jam is pretty bad but luckily the bike zones r clear...
reached hm ard 10pm den changed n went again with Kak Reeina!! love her love her!!
i fell asleep sey... poor thing she had to wait for sometime before i realised she called. we went to Starbucks to chill n watch The National Treasure at Cathy!! nice movie... very engaging... it was 2 plus am but im still wide awake!!! oohh tt Riley guy is so cute!!!
den we had breakfast at Simpang!! best nye
we had special VIP service... haha... the only table left!! reach hm ard 6am.... i love my Kak Reeina so much!!

had lunch with Shaz today!! miss her so much!!
we did some shopping n chill out at Starbucks.... totally loving the company!!
catch up on life is so cool.... lots of laughters!!
cant wait for the next outing with her... shopping n maybe clubbing.... hopes she touch down on my off days!!!
spend so much today... aiyohhhh!! im so good at this!! spend spend spend

so basically, i had lots of fun... meeting up with pple!!! -big hugs-
im eating really2 quick as i type now.... i need to rush to work....
Fahmie shd be on the way to fetch me... hahaha im only on leave for awhile n he miss me already!! i hope roster for tonite will be a gd one....

im having lots of fun now...
i cant wait to make plans with so many pple....
im having lots of plans next year too... hope things work out well for me!!
im crosssing my fingers for better days ahead!!
i'll post up pix when im free again....

~~Love Zann~~

wat im doin so far? nothing much really

2007-12-20T13:09:00.000+08:00

hmmm..... hadnt had time blogging

Hady Mirza won Asian Idol... congrats! Singapore Idol is the Asian Idol!!

alot of different response to tt but hey, he won! deal with it!! haha

Taufik Batisah is still my Idol..

i think im going deaf... hehe... keep blasting music!!

there seem to be something tt happened everyday at work...

oklah, at least, its nt so monotonous....

frens. we're like drifting apart now....

Mila taking Bob's car now... kinda miss her n our "bimboness"... haha, my bimbo partner!!

Fana is often MIA, sad tt she's sick n bothered. dun see much of her lately. im very worried. Dila is often nt ard ever since Burn trfrd.

alot of them slowly moving out to Airport.... its mixed feeling!! happy n sad... haiz

next year, most of the girls r getting married... one after another

so now, they busy doing OT n with the bf/fiance...

ohh i havent been doin OT for months, finance is really bad now. spend like crazy some more!! jus dun wanna worry too much la...

new staff keep coming in, didnt hv time to mingle ard... they're really quiet. plus, our locker room is different. maybe it takes time to warm up la eh. most of the time, before i introduce myself they sumhow alrdy knew abt me... dunno la... words go ard...

"so... ur tt Azizan??" yah yah... tts wld be me. hehe. im trying to be positive here, so, i'll take it as a compliment. :)

i've watched lots of movies lately... they r some which i really really wanna watch. anticipating..

hmmmm.... i wonder where do i find time to watch Alvin n the Chipmunk with Mila?? well, she promised. i didnt watch it cos of her.

i didnt watch The Golden Compass cos of Ir... n eventually he watch it w/o me. so i hope it wont repeat again. i usually gave in alot especially for pple who matters to me. i dun wanna pin too much hope.

kids. oh naughty kids. they're so cute. i see alot of them everyday at work. love them.

they always light up my day :)

each time i came across kids with cool name, i smile at the kid n call up their name n then look the parent. they really hv cool names!!!

i love it especially when their names starts with 'A'.... n usually its the whole family! i want my kids' names to all start with 'A'. i had it on my mind way back when i was 14, so yeah, tts before i joined service. speacking of which, i was looking thru my chopbox n i found a piece of paper wif all the names i wanted to name my children. hahha... those were the times i was happily in love. hehe.

yest was mixed emotions at work. i ran, i shouted, i scolded, i complained, i cried, i ignored, i whined, i passed sarcastic remarks.

all for different reasons all together. haha

so many events took place. lazy to elaborate.

Yam finally realised something's wrong n apologise. i dun tink she really gets it but the thing is, yes it still hurts, but she apologised. forgive n forget.

i keep buying cigarettes when i hate them. i keep buying bubble teas when i dun want it.

i keep buying snacks/junks/food at pasar malam for fun.

i keep eating shaker fries, mcspicy, filet, milkshakes n OCK cos im starting to get addicted to it. my daily breakfast are malay kuih at the mama shop. ohhh no!! wat the heck?? hahahha

supper is a must now!!! no supper, no sleep. yes, its tt bad.

maybe its jus the weather. cool n cozy n dunno wat else to do other than eat!!

i ballot for leave on new years' eve but i dunno wat to do.

i better go some place to party if not its such a waste!

no plans jus as yet... i hv a few in mind... pple did initate la but im keepin my options open

i miss my lil monster.... tt gal msg me everyday!! calls when she's bored. cute la!!

she wld msg me wat shifts n outlet she doin, her off days... customers, boss n sales of the day.

she's pampered!! i picked her up fm work. once, i rushed hm to get her sweater for her den rush to city hall to fetch her n all the way back hm to tamp.... hehehe da takde keje!! sweet kan?

hehehe... da mcm her bf lak!! but yeah, we're tt close! love her.

im planning alot for next year!! cant wait!!!

hope life will change. i only wish for the best.

~~Love Zann~~

i lost my glow

2007-12-16T18:25:00.000+08:00

i realise tt i dun hv a temper anymore
i realise tt the small little things makes me feel happy n i felt contented
i realise i lost the drive, the motivation, the energy
living life the bo-chap way....
haiz..... wat the heck happen to me?? im a mess!!

i lose my glow too... was looking thru the old pix of mine
i know how much i love to take pix n how excited i will be to be taking them
now, things changed!! i still do love pix but its nt the same
i dun like the results of the pictures taken cos the smile, the pose, the meaning is different. its nt the same anymore... i lost my glow.. it hv to come fm within
even when i smile or when i truly am happy, i wasnt as happy as i was before...

i cant deny tt im still filled with pain, anger and disappointment...
i swayed away very easily... im very "simple" now, still stubborn though! heh.
the lack of disipline n self-love, self-drive, self-motivation is killing me....
i need someone. i need someone to help me. help me find myself again.
lost.
where do i get the energy n everythin else?
the search begins. no! maybe it never ever launch before.
tired. of everythin. wat is wrong wif me? feel like slapping myself.

aiyooohhh im so disorganised now. im no longer firm.
im never busy. i dun make plans or decisions. everythin is always last min.
cos im tired of being disappointed. tt things dun turn out the way it planned.
tt equates to "tak kuasa" or cant be bothered.
so everythin some pple come up to me, "so... tell me abt urself"
i'll go like, "wat do u wanna know?? u ask, i'll answer but i cant guarantee i'll be able to ans all ur qns" hehehe
no, im nt turning secrective now. i guess certain parts of my life is best kept discreet.

this is the avenue to express my feelings n views...
den again, u jus cant express everythin out...
still, im contented.
fm here, u'll know tt i wasnt happy. tt im a totally diff person fm the smiley, happy-go-lucky girl pple know me. well... everyone hv probs n issues. we cant escape tt.
somehow, i managed to project tt happy, unaffected by problems kind of image. shd i be given a choice, i wld want to hv pple ard me ALL the time!!! den i dun hv to sink back to the drive-less self-destruction mode.
pple plays an impt part. i wont cry, scream, shout when pple r ard.
so if i do, it means tt i totally lost it. i lost everythin tt i suddenly dun care, tt i couldnt control anymore, tt means i breakdown tt strong front i put up all the time. in order words, watever it is tt makes me cry, esp in public, must hv hurted alot tt i totally dun care abt my self-pride n surroundings. it means alot.

~~Love Zann~~

2007-12-15T17:29:00.000+08:00

i manage to catch up with Ven yest... Yay!!
always love meeting up with her... she's full of fun n joy.... girl-talks, advices, fun ideas... hehehe
ohh man... its so cool to flying of to Austria!!!
im gonna miss her.... -hugs-
hmmphhh!! im holiday deprived!! yup tts wat i am...
i lack of activities in my life.... need tt holiday man... i need tt "time-out"

orchard is madness yest... full of pple.... starting to irritates me
i hv to q to get up the escalators... n it took a long time
i hv to wait very long to cross the damn road cos lost of pple n cars.... uuurrrghhh!!
thank goodness there's underpass.... no more crossing in orchard road alrdy!!!

bought sandals... yup mine n blue n her's green. yay!~!!
i swore i wont use tt other slippers to work wen i rained again.... hv to really thank Nanz for being my savior tt day... i had to really2 hold on to her yest!!!

i've listed out the places in wanna go for a holiday next year:
Perhentian island
KL
Phuket
Bali
Taiwan
Tioman
Brisbane

hahaha...nt sure if im goin for all.... but hopefully, i at least go to 3 listed places.

aiyyyaahhh... cant wait for the year to end.... a new begining for me!!
i cant wait for the rainy seasons to be over soon too!!
wanna skate real bad... miss ECP badly....
speaking of which, only one of my skate is pink, cos i ran out of markers.... hahaha

i miss Sis.... she's nt hm all the time
my lil monster has grown up n i dun really like it tt way...
going out seems so hard when we're both on shifts....

gosh, its been sometime we had family discussion or gathering.... im always missing...
n i hate tt.... dun even hv time to blanja the family
btw, bro ordered McDelivery tadi..... the best bro ever!! the only one actually.... hehe

im trying very hard to make life a joy.....
i dun wanna cry no more... need to be strong.... though i always manage to "appear" strong, i dun tink tts enuff... i need to be strong fm within....

~~Love Zann~~

2007-12-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

woahhhh!! cant believe tt after i settled my stuff... im left tt much in my bank!
arrghhh....

so basically yest, i did my pedicure n sign up for packages... instant spending! heh
nvr trust a girly galwith money when it comes to luxuries,she'll jus jump in without a second thoughts...
i need to hv a shopping list so i wont buy tings i dun need..
i need a perfume... contact lenses... tops... pants... shoes... lots n lost of earrings/ear studs!
uurrgghhh i cant hv a list, cos it will nvr ends!! so i shall stop it here!!

haiz... i better pass my theory test.... the wait is killing me.... i had to book like 3-4mths before i get a slot!! so i better pass it if nt i'll hv to wait tt long for the next one...
but then again, im freaking lazy to study la

~~Love Zann~~

2007-12-12T15:57:00.000+08:00

its payday!!
i dun earn much but im smiling looking at the amt...

it was excitin yest aft shift.... cos everyone is looking forward to the atm...
had supper with the guys at Simpang bedok...
ate alot man... den they went to JB, i was jus so lazy to go...So a fren send me hm...

i guess the wait is exciting but there's no excitement now...
its like any other day...

its my off day n its 4plus pm... n im still here at hm
chilling... lazing ard...
haiz... everyone else hv gt plans... or working...
how boring can it be? family n galfren/boyfrens comes first....
anyway, they all might be back hm really late last nite n sleeping still!! hahaha

hmmmmm.... i need pedicure. maybe, i'll do jus tt!
haiya, lots of appointments. lazy to go.... urgghh!!
for now, gt lots of chores to do.

i come to realise tt im doing alot to mantain a friendship, the party at the other end doesnt seem to be doing anythin.
somehow, i dun mind be tt person.
i had a fight with a friend. tt person wasnt being a friend, felt like being treated like dirt.
maybe the friendship is not worth it. im still hurt. i gave up.

~~Love Zann~~

2007-12-07T15:09:00.000+08:00

here i am... blogging again...

im very bothered by the fact tt my emotions r affecting me alot...
it drives me crazy....
i've learn to understand tt at the end of the day, wat im seeking is jus happiness...

i gt really really tired everyday cos i try so hard to project tt positive attitude, tt nothing happen, tt im fine... still the same ol' jovial, smiley me...
im very much affected by my personal issues yet i dun feel like telling anyone
yes, im a loser n failure in love.... a reason y i wldnt wana move forward too fast...
its like taking extra precautionary measures all the time.... azizan's like overprotecting herself n pushing everyone away....

maybe the fact tt there's still this inch in me tt still hopes n wants things to go back the way they are tt holds me back.
but tt hope was tarnish n it hurts real bad to find out tt there wasnt any hope at all in the first place...
i've express myself as much as i can.... in a way, i've already done my part... it was very hurtful to learn tt things dun always go your way but tt jus the way life is...

every night, i broke down n cry... its like punishing myself...
i hate myself for tt....
i think im worthy of something nicer.... i jus hv to keep being patient...

i realise i havent been taking good care of myself
i no longer care abt my pedicure, manicure.... i dun take care of my skin anymore...
my hair is in total mess.... i dun hv any self=restraint when it comes to spending or food intake...
i know all tt to stop, im still in the midst of keeping it under control....

looking at myself in the mirror.... i dun like the gal i see... she's weak...
i wanna open up abit.... slowly.... bringing up abit of the barriers i have...
i wanna feel good abt myself....
its time to have abit of fun....

~~Love Zann~~

2007-10-28T12:57:00.000+08:00

i cant believe pple r stil talking behind my back.
haiz... i thought i cld live in peace after being transfered to a low-profile team, well, apparently not! a goodfren told me to try to let it affects me, its jus gals nature to bitch/gossip. hmmm... ok.
actually, wat puzzles me is tt u can simply smile n take my hand(salam) or even befriend me but say all the nasty things behind me. ish!
gals hv jealousy problems, guys hv ego n "mentel" or flirtatous issues.
not doing anythin, infact, i've been really quiet recently, can be a topic to talk abt huh. *puzzles*
ok... i cld safely say im kinda "used to" or immune to all the gossips abt me but i guess i still feel the pinch. im trying nt to let it get to me, im nt gonna.
i appreciate pple being concern n telling me wat pple hv been saying behind my back but sometimes, ignorace is bliss.... i wld rather nt know. it hurts. i mean i wld like to know wats going on n tts it. do not wanna know the details. its like overloading, stop it alrdy.
good thing tt alot of new female staff coming in, so pple hv something else to talk abt.

im still in my instable state n i guess its startin to show a lil bit.
im starting to appear distracted though i try hard nt to make it obvious.
kinda hard when ur trying to fight yourself for happiness sake.

sometimes, i felt like im going down to self-destruction mode.
im nt doing anythin contructive. im always hiding at hm, dun wish to connect to the world outside. i feel like talking but i dunno wat/where to start or who to talk to abt me, i dun hv a prob listening to pple's prob or eben adv pple or jus talking abt anythin else.
im getting frustrated at myself. i cant seem to hv self-control. i cldnt control my finances(its getting real bad), my indulgences, my fitness n myself in general.
i cant seem to get things done as planned. frustrating.
i cant find time. urgh!! life's boring n routinal.

im getting really irritated by annoymous pple who msg me everywhere.... emails, friendster, sms, msn n etc.
i simply cant be bother la. yeah im a boring person, i dun entertain such forms of "guessing game"entertainment.

i jus feel like being alone. i wanna be alone.
ok i need to find the positive side of me...
need to get down n do up my schedules n plannings...
Plus, holiday will need to wait till January nxt year...

~~Love Zann~~

chill 'ol me

2007-10-26T23:13:00.001+08:00

gosh!! im addicted!!! hook on youtube!!
sis, u influenced me too much. watch House of the Carters n i love it.
saw alot of music clips too....
n ohhhh! i love daughtry!! love it love it

i catch the new movie, The Seeker: The dark is Rising. i like it.
nice! ".. the 7th son of the 7th son" heh.
saw alot alot alot of nice trailers too. im so looking forward to upcoming movies now.
yesh!! wat can i say, im a moviego-er!! DVD/VCD sucks man... go catch it at movies!!

ohhh im proud of myself these days... im always coming to work much earlier than my usual self. tts a good improvement. :)

i kinda take care of myself these days... :)
i kinda get a my hair trimmed. jus a lil bit n a bit of tidying up with the layers n a bit on the fringe. nice, but kinda look like the same. i like it though n tts impt to me. cost me $48 at Hair Profile. love how they pay so much attention to every the detail n tips n advices.
hmmmmm.... was thinking of cutting it a lil shorter by the end of the year n have it curled. still considering it. hmmmmm... should i?
my facial spa is so pampering n love it so much. skin condition is much better. the acne problem seem to be undercontrol alrdy. skin is impt, really. i may be fat but i still wanna look pretty. hehe.
ohh weight problem is such an irritant. kinda cant be bothered to care so much, i'll jus deal with it.. jus now, my supervisor came up to me n grab my arm!! "azizan, where's all ur arm muscles go? its all meat now.... ur not fit alrdy. go tone up la!!!" den he start to twist my arm while im trying hard to retreat. woahhhh it kinda hurt but thankfully i gt to struggle thru. "tts not fair, i havent even gone for control & retraint training n you're using it against me!!! lucky i know abit of self-protection..." wahahahhaa.... he insist tt im giving him excuses n, as usual, keep pestering me to take up thai boxing n continue to irritate me about my unfit condition.
so i jus burst out n say, "alright mr tan, gimme 2 mths ok..." haha im kidding, nt sure if he takes me for real...

i have to constantly remind myself or telling others, rather, tt im alrdy 23. goodness! why do people at work keep thinking tt im so young??... im not. can me good also la...

i've been chatty these days. can hog on the phone for hours n hours with different people. and i love it. havent been contacting people i miss so much, so im really happy.
i cant believe im trying so hard to help pple ard me with their problems when im having problem on my own. i guess mine's still under control, i still do get affected but i aint crying at nights. im jus leaving things the way they are for now... like dragging it n putting it aside n focus on other aspects of life. i still dunno wat to do, im still scared to take tt step, maybe i shd jus take the risk n give myself a chance for something new. hmmmmm.....
i find myself kinda homey lately cos im almost nvr home... i crave for home food, i wanna be home n nowhere else. simply do nothing but laze ard. and so i did!!

ok i need pedicure. i want red toe nails. again. hehe.
need to find time. urgh! tts so hard to find.

~~Love Zann~~

2007-10-23T23:41:00.000+08:00

im getting really lethargic these days...
but im nt complaining abt work deployment. *wink wink*

yest went raya with my team mates... fun!! hehee
drive ard.... Aizat pick us up n send us hm one by one! cool
yeah we rented the MPV.
we ate alot. alot alot. eat at every hm. ate stuffs tt i never ate before. cool.
i cant breathe yest.
n we all havent slp since our 2nd nite, straightaway go hm change, n get ready to jln raya. we all survived the whole day w/o sleep the day before. cool huh?

oh yah!! i was having cramps tt other day n sis hv to talk me n force me to take tt pill which i strongly refused. in the end, i did pop up tt pill. thx sis! im proud of myself. haha

~~Love Zann~~

changes

2007-10-20T01:36:00.000+08:00

im so t-i-r-e-d.
yes tired, very very tired.
emotionally, physically, mentally.
wish i cld jus run away... escape fm all the problems i hv
even for a short while, it will be well worth it.
n yes, some pple say, "the biggest problem is YOU, zann"

i've changed abit. quieter now. but i smile alot.
wats on the exterior may not potray my true self.
i dun really like the idea of socialising. im finding space for myself.
im tired of defending myself. i jus let others say wat the want.
im in my own world. adrift.
i like working cos it distracts me.
i hate working cos its meaningless, monotonous, mundane.
hate it when i hv to try so hard to remain focused.
im taking as much annual leave as i can.
i deserve a break. i deserve a holiday.

i want my energy back. i want my glow.
i want my good nite sleep.
i want to be pampared.
i want this mental n emotional distress to stop.

to those who keeps nagging n keep finding fault with me, stop it plz.
i may not react, it does mean acceptance. im jus tired of everythin.
calling me bimbo wont hurt me. i can be one at times. its nt even a prob.
i cant even be bothered to be bitchy nowadays, stop 'asking' me to be one cos i simply wont.

life with no direction n plans is so weird.
feel like resigning, for no reason.
i want MY time on my own.

dun feel like doing anythin except for sitting/lying down n staring into space with slow, good music plugged into my ears!!

im fine n will be fine. im jus an ordinary human with problems.
i need "Azizan's personal time alone"
say NO to overtime.

~~Love Zann~~

direction-less

2007-10-19T01:10:00.000+08:00

time pass so quickly.. its hari raya alrdy!!
Slamat Hari Raya!!!

this year raya was kinda different. im worked nite shift on tt very day so i had to rush to work, took cab ok!!
its sad cos i go to my granny's plc alone n when im there, my family's gone to the other granny's plc n i go there alone again. felt like an orphanage... hehhe... no wonder pple give me the glares at the bus stop n in the bus cos i was all alone by myself...

life's so complicated. i still dunno wat to do. well.... jus go with the flow.
my decisions may not the best one but we'll see how it leads too.
wats life if its not filled with hurdles n challenges here n there?? nothings' permanent n smooth sailing...

been through alot of mixed emotions in a short period of time.
i'll go crazy if i dun keep it under control.
breathe.
im kinda happy tt people who mattered to me understands the situation im in. greatly appreciated it. :)

got my hp bills n was so suprised to see the amt. goodness. need to cut down on usage!
got my lots of statements today, wow, need to stop spending alrdy.
urgghhhhh!! headache headache!!!
i need to think of future too.. shd i go get a degree?? shd i go for get a license? shd i go for tt course? shd i start dancing?
hmmmmmm..... decisions decisions decisions!! never ending!!

im easily tired these days.. all i wanted to do is eat n sleep immediately...
been cancelling initial plans n delaying errands.... gosh!!

~~Love Zann~~

One Last - Taufik Batisah

2007-10-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus:

One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both knowIts better if we just let it go

Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus

Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have

Chorus

We both know
It's better if we just let it go

Taufik Batisah hv always been one of my fav singers ard... my favourite local idol...
love his songs n voice n performances...
Yeah maybe, its better to jus let it go....
i wanna learn to try to love again.. (someone new)
lets see if tts possible.... u'll nvr know if u nvr try

~~Love Zann~~

2007-10-11T21:31:00.000+08:00

im getting more n more confused now..
i seriously dunno wat to do... so im doing anythin...
my non actions are hurting other parties n myself... mostly, myself cos i dun wanna hurt anyone n in the end face the blow...

i really want peace right now... total peace
i dun wana worry about things. getting stressed n upset over issues... contemplating about the future n reminicing the past
i need a way to distract myself

i think im liking someone but i kinda hurt him so much cos im so oblivious over the whole thing... i dunno... maybe its better to hurt now than later...
im having problems myself.... i need to figure myself first... still need time to explore...
besides, my inferiority is killing me.... the thought tt im nt gd enough for someone... so i rather stay out.... im weird lately... i dunno wat im doing either... jus lost... n very confused...
im happy but when the time is over n when other stuff rushes through my mind again, i broke down.... hate the instability im experiencing now.... haiz...
im having break outz these days, havent been taking care of myself... i simply hv this "heck-care" attitude n tired all the time... so restless...
haiz... i so need a holiday!!

hari raya is coming!! i wont be really celebrating it anyway.... my leave wasnt approved! urgh!
i didnt bake anythin this year.... the mood isnt as great as before... nevertheless, im anxiously anticipating for the day to come....
im thinking of all the yummy food.... yum yum yum!!
i've gt my baju kurung n its red... lets see who's wearing red...

~~Love Zann~~

Happy 23 bday to me!!

2007-10-08T00:11:00.000+08:00

come midnight, october 7, 0000hrs onwards... been getting alot of sms for bday wishes!!
yay!! its my bday!!!

hmmm.. i hv to admit tt i wasnt as excited as i was before about birthday...
i guess it dies down with age... n the fact tt im a year older now jus sucks!!

it was a suprise to me.... a warm suprise cos i didnt hv any expectation at all...
i never expect anyone to remember it, but they did... so it was nice!

so.. dinner with Ven yest was fabulous.... we ate at Breekz!
it was nice n very filling... waiter's nice! gotta thank her for the treat... :)
we catch up on one another till almost 10pm den suddenly decide on movies!! (Ven's great idea)
so... we went to look for sweater n gt pricey bt nice ones at Fox.. ohh i love Fox btw!
its kinda late n its sat nite, so movies were pretty sold out! wat were we thinking!!
we insist on movie so decide to try our luck at Cathy Cineplex... took cab there due to ven's heels! so we decide on Balls of Fury n its hilarious.... hahahahahhaha had a good laugh!!
had a lil chat aft movies n Ven left when Ir came...
he's jus sweet!! love him... still do... but things betw us jus wont happen now... if it (really) does, den it'll be sometime later maybe... we wont know for sure wat future lies for us...
had some nice talks den scoot down to Simpang Bedok for food for sahur...
kinda met some pple i know there!

had sahur at 4am n was whole family wished me! :)
started my day lazy.... jus laze ard at hm n watch tv all day
den i started to get rushy ard 4pm cos i need to rush to so many places...
last stop, dinner at granny's.... goodness so much food were laid out!! fuyyooohh!!
i still had 4 boxes of canadian pizza on the way.... thankfully we finished all!!!!!
my bday cake was fabuluous as usual... the yummilicious Truffle fm PrimaDeli... simply love it... yum yum....
went downstair to play fire sparkles.... it was fun...
n basically... tt was it.... but i was happy n contented....

i only received one physical present this year n im so happy.... hehehe
but gt to keep the excitement low... gotta act like 23... yeah rite!!

~~Love Zann~~

i've gt mail!! lots n lots or it!!

2007-10-05T10:22:00.000+08:00

i've been receiving lots n lots of mail attention to me!!
so cool!! i like!!
looking forward to havin mails everyday... n the cool thing is, i get it!!
so basically, its my statement of accounts, hari raya greeting cards, birthday cards n inivitation letters/cards n promotional materials n etc.
speaking of which, its 2 days to my bday!!

i dunno y, unlike every other year, im nt really looking forward to it...
im still excited about it, but it wasnt before....
i'll be a year older come October 7, tt means i'll be 23years old...
well, some say its old, i like to think its still a young age.. its a young adult :)

i took leave n its approved!! yay!! i nvr work on my bday n it shall remain tt way!
basically mum wants everyone not to work n have dinner at some restaurant den off to geylang bazaar... i wasnt really in for tt idea but i jus go for the idea... simply due to my "anythin" attitude.. hahaha
but yest, i suddenly gt all excited n had all the plans changed.
i wanted it at hm, with family n pizza n nice food. called up my aunts to hv it at their place since all my cousins will be there anyway....
so yeah, jus a simple one. jus like last year. the only difference is, my beloved grandpa is nt ard anymore. my bday was the last celebration anyone had with him.
so yeah, im gonna beg my aunts to cook some yummy food. hahahha... n its gonna be lots of canadian pizzas n my yummilicious all-time fav cake, Truffles... gt to order tt cake too!
hmmmmm so looking forward... hadnt met my granny n relatives for months now! damn! i worked too much. urgh!

sat meeting darling Ven for dinner. missing her!! i love meeting her, she always give me a gd laugh..... need tt hug too!!
i hope to meet my dear fren this coming tue too.... its been some time we last catch up! so tts another dinner. hehehe...
im gettin my time management at hand thia mth, so its all good!
the prob is finance, im gonna be so broke nxt mth... haiz... i better prepare myself for it now..

~~Love Zann~~

it aint supposed to hurt

2007-10-01T00:55:00.000+08:00

moving on wif life seem so hard... the fact tt im trying real hard is a good progress.
im still searching myself... i make myself happy everyday...
simple simple things brightened up my day... even a nice comment or an sms. i make a point to appreciate everythin n think positive as much as possible.
i know my relationship is over for sure and im contented i didnt go thru tt grueling torture again... i jus cant let it ruined me.

im strong by the day.... weakest at night...
everynite i shed a tear or a thought before i close my eyes i sleep..
you never escape from my mind, be it gd or bad memory...
its impossible for me to simply treat u as a nobody when u meant so much to me n you were part of so many important events of my life...
but.. alas... things jus have to go this way...
it hurts me more to see that u never take the initiative to even contact me, it seems like u'll never wanna be close to me. i seemed like nobody to u, like i didnt matter.
it saddens me cos u were my close n bestfren. n u still do mean alot to me.
but i figured it takes time n im being patient about it.

at anytime of the day, the past came rushing to me n i started to break down.
though its been awhile, it felt like it happened jus yesterday...
my pain is with him, being wif him makes its so difficult.
i guess my wounds hadnt been healed, im still hurt. i still "feel" it... the pain i went thru, the harsh treatments, the thought of them together, the pride i swallowed, the depression n misery i been thru n etc. i jus couldnt do it, cant deal with it. though i love him alot, i cant stop the past fm coming back, its beyond my control. i'll break down.
we tried many times, given so many chances but we failed! haiz.. maybe its really not meant to be. and im accepting that.

i had to shift my focus elsewhere. i had to have my priorities changed.
im accepting my life the way it is now...
explore new things, open up to new avenues....
maybe there's a reason y i cant get over the past, y i freaked out in the first place, y i feel insecure when he's done nothing wrong(infact, he's been sweet), y he's so calm n cool over this issue, y he react like we r not worthy, y he's not tt bothered above everythin else.... maybe there's a reason for everythin...
the answer is out there in the future... there hv to be a good explanation for every event tts happening now...

as i listen to the music playing on my blogs, it kept me thinking...
its true... "its so hard for me to explain this feeling, i think about it everyday and even though we've moved on, its so hard to walk away... i will remember you"
its jus so true.... i will always remember this whole life journey and i will never wanna erase any part of my memory or trade it for anythin else.
"there's no man who can give me tt attention, the same as your affection" and i wont deny tt.. i wont change tt either, it shall remain tt way. you cant have all things good in life n i very well knew tt. i jus hv to move on with my life....

im so afraid to love for now, anyway, it takes awhile for me to fall in love, i dun love tt easily... i may like or have crushes, not love. So there's high chances of a rebound case at this point of time n i will never wanna hurt another person or hurt myself. but i hv advices tt sometimes in life, u'll gt to take the risk n not be so afraid n protect yourself too much. haiz..... should i??
will take a day at a time, im nt gonna control my destiny either, if it happens, it happens, if not, then its not.
i hv fear not living up to the expectations of my partner.. so committing in another relationship will take sometime.

~~Love Zann~~

in fine now :)

2007-09-23T14:03:00.000+08:00

i had time on my own yest....
n im glad i did...
i've thought it through now... i've cried as hard as i can... i've let it all out
i've calm myself down... i think i can manage this...
so im really ok now... i've accepted everythin n move on...
not gonna be sad over things n take watever tt comes my way...
it felt so much better now... i can do this!

~~Love Zann~~

disappointment

2007-09-22T11:21:00.000+08:00

aku mencintaimu lebih dari yg apa pun, ku mencintaimu sedalam dalam hatiku
tapi tiada siapapun yg tahu...
aku tak tahu mengapa semua ini harus berlaku
kalau itu yg kami berdua mahukan, ini la jalan nye

im upset tt ur nt able to understand me or care to understand how i feel
im upset n disappointed at the way u reacted to circumstances...
im upset tt u never take the chances to talk things out or find out y
even when i tried explaining, ur nt listening
all u did was blaming me for doing wat i did to you... hurtin u
this is where i realise tt everythin is nt as great as it is...

for now, i've to learn to let it all go....
he's letting it go from the start n i hv to learn tt i accept tt....

~~Love Zann~~

2007-09-22T08:14:00.000+08:00

im supposed to be working today...
i felt sick all over... not sure which part of me is sick... maybe my heart n esp my brain!!
whole body aching, eyes swollen real bad.... i cant go to work like this.
trust me, im not feeling good...
my heart is breaking again...

i had a feeling im going thru depression again...
its driving me crazy!! But since i been through it the last time, i shd be able to handle it much better...

i've made a decision, yes its me.
it was never anyone's fault, its mine. i fully take the blame for it.
i have my reasons but apparently its seen as "invalid"
i do not wish to talk about this.
i hadnt really talk to anyone cos i simply refused to.
i know bottling it up will worsen my instable condition but i prefer to keep it within myself.

i do not know y it is so hard for pple to understand tt certain things r beyond one's control n tt person herself didnt wish it happened this way either...
is it hard to understand tt no matter how hard u tried, the past will still haunt u??
is hard to understand tt ur heart is breaking when u know u had someone but tt someone is jus isnt here when u needed him most?
is it hard to understand tt u jus cant allow the other party to suffer n sacrifices so much for you when u feel tt u cant do the same in return??
is it hard to understand tt communication is very vital n important to someone?
is it hard to understand tt as much as u love someone, at one point of time, u felt tt u're never good enough for the other half n it breaks ur heart to know tt u cant make tt person happy as he wld like u to be??
is it hard to understand tt no matter wat u do u'll nvr be on par with the happiness his frens can give to him??
is it hard to understand tt u totally lost confidence in urself to make the relationship work even though u love him so much??
is it hard to understand tt u're feeling so much presssure ard u jus couldnt keep it under control??
is it hard to understand tt u suddenly freaked out n wants out cos u dun think u can fulfill commitment??
is it hard to understand tt u suddenly got all confused n lost???

as silly as this may be, i freaked out.
im not ready to grow up. i dun wish to get married any time soon
i cant be tt person to be there for u when u want me too. it hurt me to see u upset wif me. it hurts me to see tt ur friends can make u happier than i can.
loving u so much scares me.
loving u so much upsets me when i cant be who u wld want me to be.
watever it is, i cant let u share my burden wif me when the problem is jus me.

~~Love Zann~~

my ranting after a long time

2007-08-26T12:01:00.000+08:00

for the first time in years...... i stared at the screen not knowing wat to blog about..
hmmmmm.....
hmmmmm.....
hmmmmm.....

ok. recently, things have been ok. not much to update.
hmmmmm.....
oh! i bought a new dvd player n lots lots of dvds to watch. loving watching dvd, so much better as compared to vcd.
i've been to movies frequently too... yeah, back to my old stuff... movies n more movies!! im such a movie goer!!

let me see,i bought alot of other things too...too many to list. my room's cleaner, tidier n nicer...
oh yeah, i stayed at home most of the time, even on off days n leave. hehehhee...
i become such a pig!! super lazy azizan, lazing ard.

i dun exactly like my lifestyle now. im get tired easily n im jus plain lazy. everyday is same-old same-old. haiz.... sleep is never enough even though i sometimes had more that sufficient rest. my body is jus too relaxed. i lost discipline easily, gosh! i dun like the weather, its always raining n i dun like rain. it always hindered me from doing wat i plan to do, uhhhh hate it!
damn!!! i hadnt jog or blade for months now!!!! feeling so bloody irritated by the weather n my very bad time management!! when do i hv time for a 5km run again?? cos i took a bloody long time to finish it. lol. i wanna run, i wanna run, i wanna run. i wanna break my previous record.
sheesh... i miss tt good feeling when u sweat. im having a hard time taking care of myself lately.... i hate my shifts..i cant do so routines anymore... urgghhh!
i miss friends. i really do. sick of work-eat-tv-sleep!!!

sis attended this 3-days motivation workshop n started utterring positive remarks all the time. hahaha! but its cool. we shd think positively. tts right! think postive.
im trying to be as positive as i can.

on the good side, i had my pedi done!! love it! its gonna be on a regular basis now. its hot pink now... going for very dark brown next.... gosh im running out of colours already!!
despite watever negavitive comments tt had been said about my team, i like my team. i dun believe tt i couldnt get along with people n im right. like they say, jus do ur job n stop complaining... u'll be happy. tts a good advice!! :P
been hanging out with the gals after work... hahahaha... u know, the normal gals stuffs/talks.... dun need to go to the details fo tt.

im getting more n more wedding invitation cards these days..... issit the lets-getting-married season???? lol. phew! one after another, almost every 2 weekend a fren is getting married. a common qn arise, so when's my turn?? hmmm..... just the thought of it scares me!!
oh btw, wassup with the arising donut craze nowadays?? people queueing all the time!! n im no exception, haha, they're deliciously nice.

days passed by so quickly i didnt realise its almost september! fasting month starting soon... gonna love Geylang Bazaar!!! im gonna be a year older soon too... goodness, so fast?? ohh dear!!! is there any way tt we can delay time??

~~Love Zann~~

WOW!!! ITS BEEN A LONG LONG TIME

2007-08-09T20:11:00.000+08:00

.. ok i dun hv internet access now...
kinda lost touch on the cyberworld
laptop n PC crash.... aiyooohhhh

anyway, life's been rather stable now...
life's much much much more reserved now n i aint complaining. hehe!
i pretty much work, eat, snack, go hm, watch tv, eat n sleep...
been having gd food n late nite suppers lately, tt if i dun fall asleep by midnight...
yeah sleep is not a prob now... i used to hv insomnia, now its ok, i guess
but im hv digestive n intestine problems... feeling bloated all the time! sucks

i havent seen anyone of late cos im always hm!! hahaha
stay hm n laze ard is wat i been doing lately....
dun really like to go out cos i dun like wat i see in the mirror now...
gosh, i've gained weight so much n acne seem to be an ongoing thing... haiz i dunno how to handle it.... these insecurities hv alot to do me home-stay habits!!

emotions are pretty much stable now... in other words, im much more happier!!
weeee.... tt also contributes to "zann's growing sideways" hehe

ok gtg...

~~Love Zann~~

jus some rantings!!

2007-06-06T11:59:00.000+08:00

its the 7th day n i still hadnt fully recovered. dang!!
im taking a friend's advice nt to take the Cold n Flu remedy instead of the doc's prescription... hope it works.
gosh, my voice is so "sengau" n block nose irritates me! urgh!
cant wait to get well!!! btw, going back to work felt so good. stay hm is so monotonous...
pple lost appettite when they're sick, apparently nt for me!! i hv strong cravings for food tts nt helping me recovering fm my sickness. i craved for kfc, mcd, choc bars, eclairs, cookies, milkshakes n etc. i try to stay away but cant cos its so strong tt i get very agitated n gelisah if i dun get them n when i ate them i felt frustrated cos im only worsening my condition. grrrrrrr!!!

handphone. i love my w810i, i wldnt wanna trade it. loving my mp3 songs n pix, thanks to the 1 gb storage!! bro jus lost his hp again. gosh tt guy kept losing hp.. so many!! i gave up on him. Dad spoilt his hp when he drop it in water so mum n dad both bought new hp but i didnt think they need it cos they dun use so many functions, nt even sms.

had a conversation with a fren which i truly enjoy. didnt expect it to be fun. its somewhat made me think more. future scares me, watever it is, im ready not prepared for commitment. yeah its true, so we shd enjoy life, travel, spend on urself, get/achieved watever u wanted first.
"i dun wanna be working hard to get somethin in future, i wanna alrdy hv somethin or stabilise myself first so tt i dun hv to work tt hard in future.. n planning hv to take place now.. maybe not exactly now cos u can always enjoying life first while ur still young n free fm commitments... n worry maybe abit later when u think the time is here"
hmmmm... tts something to ponder about. i do agree with my friend on tt.

saw Ven's bintan trip pix... its so nice! ish so tempting!!!
gosh i miss her alot!!! n i miss Jo n YY too... they're like missing.. whr r u gals?? was happy tt Jo msg us yest for a meet-up!! Yay!!
i miss Kak Reeina!!! oohh i miss her... hope she's doin fine...
missing Yani too... i miss this babe!! 2 days ago time i chat with her, she told me to pack my bag n get a Visa to aussie. hahaha...
I miss Ir too... he's busy with work lately, i dun wanna bother him either. yest he called to catch up on life. wasnt suprised wen he told me bout his break-up. I really hope take his time n learn valuable lessons. well, he's in camp now n he doesnt like HTA. heh.too bad la, its the hm for MHA officers, like it or nt.
i miss Z too.... i wonder how he is now, must be all buff up cos he's always in the gym or running/training.
i miss Widya too... i wonder how her kids are now, grown up, i guess..
gosh!! im missing alot of pple. if only we all dun hv to work n meet up!

too much rest/mc/off day/leave make me wanna work more. i guess i dun need a holiday just as yet. i do agree with pple tt it isnt worth it to do overtime cos its mentally draining n they dun pay much anyway... unless, im an ICS where ot is 1.5x or 2x, but im nt. its esp upsetting to know tt im getting the same pay as those male HICS with ns when i did so many ot when they dun even perform ot at all. urghh. sickening!

pranksters. pranksters. i've been receiving alot of unknown missed calls or unknown sms. these pple knew me, i guess. they tend to know some details. but i guess, ignoring it is the best way. Of cos, at first, im curious to know who's tt anonymous person but afterawhile u jus cant be bothered.some are nice, like those, wantin to know u but i still feel tt it shdnt be the way, so i wont entertain tt too. some are annoying, freaky cos they know details like ur shifts, where u stay n etc. i aint interested in their "fun" games so u pick the wrong person to play cos i aint playing at all. sorry!! ohhh tt secret admirer still do send me stuff at my pigeon hole, yet another drawing/sketch of me.its laminated this time. he printed out my roster for the year too. the last one i received was a 'get-well-soon' card. i find it sweet but my friends find it psychotic! hahaha it can be quite freaky actually... i hv no idea who he is but i suspect it to be tt someone though! haiz... whoever this person is, i dunno y he wants to remain being a secret... am i tt scary? or nt friendly enough to talk to me?

~~Love Zann~~

2007-06-05T22:52:00.000+08:00

You have very strong will, not dependent on others and gives an impression of being a lone ranger. You are extremely curious and sensual, being a clear-headed, modern life. At first glance, you place yourself on pedestral, difficult to get along. But once others talk to you, they know you are easygoing. And when the relationship develops, there realise you are affable.You have an androgymous charm, which makes you popular with all genders. But you don't like your weak side to be seen. You might look cool on the surface, but beneath it all, you are really passionate. Only people who know your true self can mantain a long-lasting relationship with you.

the above results for a quiz i took. kinda true, actually...

~~Love Zann~~

i hate feeling weak

2007-06-04T13:56:00.000+08:00

im feeling so weak nw....

temp goes all the way up... freaking hot!!

showered many times n coughs gets really bad too...

medicine jus doesnt work anymore... haiz...
havent been working for some time now.... too much rest!

~~Love Zann~~

We went to the Zoo!!!

2007-06-04T00:31:00.000+08:00

candy floss n popcorn!! its all free!!
i kinda like this pix!!
while waiting for bus at wdlds interchange...
im so so tired....
our Safari Escape tix!! see tt? i gt extra tix so we gt extra food!!!

Sis, me n penguins!
Welcome to the Singapore Zoo!! actually it was taken wen we're abt to leave.. haha
on the bus shuttle... feeling so thankful the air-con is oh-so-good!!
Saz n me
sleep in the bus for a while...

Saz fanning himself
wats wif the face??? im jus exhausted fm the Safari Trail n weather so warm n humid...
see tt? our hair r all wet n full of sweats!!!
alot of pple...
listens attentively to lucky draw results!! no didnt win!!

reflection of us... Sis looks taller than me!! tts cos she is!!
entrance of Palm Park, where the event is....

see our tattoos??

i think the plant is so nice.. so jungle-looking!!

went to the Zoo today... ICA Family Day 2007

its so f-a-m-i-l-y... lots of kids... not many fm woodlands though! there's alot of activities for the kids..

went wif my dar-darlin sis, Ala... we were so excited tt we slept early the night before n woke up at 5am... hehehe

Saz came alone so i ask him to join us...

its a long way to the zoo... we took bus-mrt-bus... tiring!!

we reached there so early.. one of the first few...

we took part in the Safari Trail.. had alot of fun!!! hehe

was so funny.. we were like so anxious n "on"... running ard...

its like Amazing race... goodness!! but its cool..

we learn alot abt animals today... the qns were rather interesting!!weather's so humid, we sweat alot... phew!!

haha.. gt consolation prize for tt..

food catered... 3 piece Chic + pepsi + whipped potato

there's alot of free stuff too!! we had nuts(like those kacang putih kind), popcorn, cartoon drawings of us, airbrush tattoos n etc... didnt take the ice-cream, didnt feel like it!!

we went causeway pt aft tt... walked ard awhile only cos we were so tired... i wanted meat n sis wants seaweed shaker fries so we settle for Mcd n get our meals. Bought donut, cheesy hotdogs n choc custard rolls... all we do is snack, snack, snack whole day! no wonder im still sick now!! fever gotten worse.. freaking high temp!

throat hurts so bad... i down medicine w/o a second thought!!!

reached hm n immediately fell asleep... all i do is sleep nowadays!!

parents gt hm fm holiday jus now... haiz.. so fast?

~~Love Zann~~

some thoughts

2007-06-01T15:31:00.000+08:00

Its raining heavily.. dun like it. haiz where’s the sun?
Been staying at hm… I had too much rest… Lazing ard

Last night, went to Giant n Courts with sis…
Bought some unnecessary stuff… hahaha
We took a very long busy route… hehehhehe

Did laundry n housework, cook abit… loving the life im living now..
I dun need clubbing or partying…
I lead simple, good life n tts gd enough for me

Im taking time to ponder over things…

Death.. there hv been a lot of death goin on… wats goin on?? Wats wif war?? Disasters?
A lot of news reports… haiz…

Greed. There’s always issue over money. Money makes pple crazy, evil n etc. To me, money is never enough, you’ll nvr be satisfied with wat u currently have. I do agree tt money is impt to a certain extend but… haiz… nvm…
I rather spend money for happiness…

Beauty? define beauty... wat really is beauty?? cos really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder... so in other words, everyone is a beauty to someone. :)
alot of buzz on beauty peagant, its a gd way to appreciate beauty actually. i like looking at gorgeous pple too... such blessed pple!!
i think the heart matters too... a beautiful person is someone with a good heart...

I realized tt im so easy to please, Im easily contented
The rule is: never expected too much… you’ll be happier this way
Im much calmer, more patient, I dun get angry/pissed easily…
Everyday, I do things to make myself happy…
Im getting better at diverting negativity to positive… trying not to be so affected/bothered by whatever is goin on…
We’re only human…. Human makes mistakes, human do wat human always do… let them be, let them think/say wat they want of u… u dun hv the power to stop them, jus let it be. Misjudged is a common thing. Hatred was never a part me.. no one taught me to hate..
I’ve never hated anyone… ever!
I may dislike someone but tt will dies off as time goes by..

Jus go with the flow… I take each day at a time….
Am very thankful tt I get to live each day… I appreciate every single thing anyone hv done for me… so far, pple hv been really really sweet…

I may be unaware of certain things cos im jus too relaxed..
Ignorance is indeed bliss cos curiousity jus kills me!!!

I met so many weird pple in life… very interesting!
whatever it is, try not to hurt anyone.. n tts really hard…
I believe there’s always good instill in everyone…
I believe in Karma, wat goes ard, comes ard…..

I learnt tt anything is possible as long as u hv control over yourself… n it aint easy to maintain tt…
It takes a stronger person to be able to do tt…
Cheers to confident, independent, positive pple!!

Im still mending my heart… but I guess my recovery process is going smoothly…
The fear is slowly dying off… but the commitment part is hard to say…

I miss the feeling of being loved….
I miss that excitement u have simply receiving a sms or call fm tt special someone..
I miss that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when u meet tt someone..
n lots lots more... love is such a wonderful thing...
Im nt gonna look for u… we’ll find each other….
And when I found u… im gonna treasure n love u whole-heartedly…
Im nt gonna let anything go between us…
Im nt letting u go unless i really really hv to...
whoever you are... i hope u'll surface soon...

~~Love Zann~~

i miss my tan...

2007-05-31T09:51:00.002+08:00

see that?? im much darker/tanner last time.... i lost the tan alrdy...
see tts recent me... ok, if you think its yellow cos of the lightings... den see this...
see! im nt kidding... compare la with the first pix... urgghh im so yellow nw...

im getting so inactive these days..

im such a lazy bastard!! hehe
i miss that energetic feeling... i miss the good feeling when u sweat
my poor running shoes n skates were set aside one corner...

i miss the sun.. simply love the sun

i miss my tan..

im turning yellow, though some pple say im abit darker nw..

~~Love Zann~~

unwell

2007-05-31T08:40:00.000+08:00

i tot im fine jus aft shower...
its a sucky feeling to go all the way to work but left, i wldnt do it if i dun hv pple telling me to go hm
my fever went up again.. 37.2 degrees
my headache getting worse.. n i look so pale
so its best tt i go hm...

haiz... when im sick, i get emotional...
teared for a moment...
there's no one tt specially cares for me...
there's no one i can seek attention to...
there's no one for me to hug.... or give me a warm hug...
there's no one to kiss me on my forehead...
there's no one to tell me tt "its ok you'll be fine,dear. rest well"
there's no one who calls/sms me to constantly remind me "have u taken ur medication/meals??"
no... there's no one... tt person jus dun exist...

im nt saying tt pple dun care for me.. there's alot of nice pple ard me, they even reprimanded me for working too much. cheers to my batchmates!! thanks guys... love u all..
big thanks to Zul for sending me to Changi Hospital. Its my first visit to the hospital as an outpatient n using my PS card. i mean i been to CGH many times but normally, i wld accompany someone(esp bro) else to see the doc.
special thanks to Matt... i really appreciate him accompanying me. thanks bro! so tts like 3hrs waiting time... we came ard 11pm n left ard close to 2am.... freaking long wait...
Doc prescribe me alot of medicine... 6 different types! n a 3-days MC!! i didnt even ask for it... he jus gave for me to rest more...
see!! i jus need rest, im nt THAT sick...

ohhh we had this sandwich/pizza thingy at the vending machine at CGH... i had the New York Chessy Sausage n Matt had the Romano Pizza. kinda cool... its nice!!

took cab hm n slept right after...
woke up early... first thoughts.. "haiz.. i shd be at work now.... ending my shifts soon in a few hrs. wasted!! shd hv jus stayed, today's off day anyway..."
urrggghhhh i dun like to feel weak...

im getting rather frustrated at myself for not executing my plans... dammitz...
sick n tired of planning n nt following the plans... i suck!!

~~Love Zann~~

i fell sick... unexpctedly!!

2007-05-30T18:23:00.000+08:00

my parents will be away again... weeeeeee!!
normally, i wld hv lots n lots of plans.... but nah, nt this time
i intend to stay at hm... n cook... play ard with food.. hehe
yeah i hv the hse to myself!! i'll have the kitchen to myself!!

i keep buying groceries fm the supermarket!!
hahaha dunno y i love stocking up n buying new stuff hm so tt the whole family can try/use/eat/sample... so aunty-aunty!!
haha... my ex colleagues used to call me "small aunty"

feeling feverish now.... hate this "sick" feeling...
urgghhh!!!! flu,fever, sore throat, headache... sucky combo!!
i was perfectly fine before i go to work yest...
i guess work makes me sick ar... i still dun think im overexerting myself though...
haiz... nvm one more nite shift n im done for this cycle, might as well finish it off...

~~Love Zann~~

Flat

2007-05-29T11:05:00.000+08:00

supper!!! ... at al-ameen... teh cino is so good... shd try!!!
hmmmm... see the diff betw nokia n sony ericsson camera? top one is sony... both with flash!
cute stuff! tts ICA teddy...

tts azist's white fur... haha tt didnt sound right. lol. love this furrry thingy!!
jannah n me...
tired n still smiling...
i feel flat n went to deep sleep after Vivo n supper.. was really tired

hehe.. mcm takde tempat lain nak amik pix
daddy killed a poor snail tt night...
hahaha.. fara looks like she's rapping.. lol
i love this pepsi design, n tts the reason i bought it. haha!

my fav drink! marigold grape drink... nice!! its almost a daily drink
yam n mummy outside locker rm before going to JB
me n yam... can u see the smoke?? tts mummy ciggie smoke... haha
cool chocolates!!! i was excited like a small kid while chosing my choc!! thanks to Afzan... they're rather ex!!
strawberry creme chocolates... my fav choc combination!!

ok the pix above are in random... taken at diff time..

ooooooooohhhhhh!!

finally a rest day!! n finally get to wake up late.

i've been waking up at 4.50am like almost everyday..

im such a hardworker.. yeah right!!

im taking a break this week... no more... oohh-so-tired!

its funny how tired i may be, i still find time to hangout.. hehehe

so... let me see.. i've been to JB, tamp mall, CS, Vivo n etc...

retail theraphy beats sleeping/resting!! kekekkee...walking ard, snacking n spending/buying stuff makes me happy la
i've been having alot of late nite suppers too..

but yest, im beat!

aft Vivo followed by supper, reached hm flat... didnt even remove makeup n changed... tts how tired i am!

pple jus dun realised how tired i am cos they say i dun look tired.

this morning, i still woke up ard the same time cos i forgot to off my alarm... but eventually im up at ard 9am.

i was craving for maggi n i miss bro's maggi(he cooks very nice maggi!!), so i merely told him tt n he immediately woke up n ask to buy maggi downstairs n cooks w/o a qn. awwwwwww.... so sweet!!

den i made lunch for him... love u bro!!
miss him, hadnt seen him for days... i wasnt in the hse long enough to meet the family. past few days, i spend less than 6hrs at hm n all the time i was sleeping or getting ready for work.

i keep losin stuff...misplaced my fav pink water bottle n notebook :(

btw, i love supermarkets!! put me there n i can spend hrs n hrs..

~~Love Zann~~

absence

2007-05-28T18:27:00.000+08:00

havent be in touch with the cyber world for sometime now...
mentally tiring... i only catch a few hrs rest each day..
n urgghh nasty zits start popping up!
im feeling ugly now... ugly fuggly me...

its weird cos i keep running away fm pple...
maybe im scared of pple! hmmmmm...
the thoughts of "im nt good enough for him/go out with him(whoever he is)" always plays a big part in me...
its like,right after my "keep to myself" phase, pple start to come up to me on by one almost too immediately!!
its pressurising, i jus dunno how to handle it. ignorance jus didnt work anymore. haiz, im jus nt interested in anyone who happen to hv interest.
y is it tt the one u wld like to ask u out didnt but others will??
hate cancelling/changing plans n turning pple down all the time. i jus cldnt made up my mind, one moment im fine, the next i rather nt go out with them.

~Love Zann~~

shopping with Ir...

2007-05-21T13:23:00.000+08:00

ok pictures speaks for itself...
went shopping again!!
wasnt really me... Ir's turn...

well.. he always need my option when it comes to shopping!! excpt.. erm fishing stuffs la cos im an idiot in tt...
he keep on saying(hurrying me up when im looking at things) : "iza.. iza.. lets go... remember today is supposed to be ME shopping, nt u!!... so lets go!!"
hmph!!

wahhh we went fm boutiques to boutiques...
so many shops to patronize but so little time!
tt crazy ass spent so bloody alot!!
addidas, levis, fox merchandise.... i gt an addidas bag too..
thanks!! hmmm... i shd hv said yes to the orange-pink sweater at addidas the other day... hahaha!!
n ohhh we dine at fish market again... second visit!
woohoo yummylicious babeh!!! it was a suprise treat... thanks ir!

he kinda made me his Personal Assistant, carrying his stuffs n getting his sizes... alah mcm tak biase je!!

tt Prison Officer is rich la this mth but he finished the cash so fast... useless!! hehehe
lesson learnt: never resort to borrowing or loans or excessive hp bills...
oohh the hp bill part, blame ur *toot* gf la... she's jus crap.. i dun wish to start on her..
goodness Ir, u deserve so much better!! been telling him that many times, he jus "tak sampai hati"
he shd hv jus start dating other girls(he been telling me about) out there...

oh btw, jus to clear things... no... Ir's nt my boyfriend, so many pple mistook us... we're very closefriends, well u can say bestfriends!! cos this guy know so so so so so much bout me.... n likewise for him.

anyway, Ir always made me so so guilty.. urgghh!!
stop it.. stop it!! jus dun say anythin... hehe...
n gosh... he's like addicted to the gym these days...

~~Love Zann~~

compliments

2007-05-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

goodness i really hope my leaves will be approved...
needed tt break, needed a holiday....
i want beautiful serene beaches, nice scenery/landscapes....
it'll be a dream come true... awwwwww.....
i need to start saving up...

i dunno y pple hv been coming up to me n commenting tt i did alot of OT. nt as if i did alot... jus a few je pe!!
n stop it la eh.... no im nt getting married!! nonsense!! kekeke
i need to settle some stuffs n i need money to travel...
yes!! travel... travel.. travel!!!
doesnt matter with whom... i jus wanna travel!!
saving up for tt Europe trip come Dec 2008... hv to make tt happen!
its my dream to step my foot there before i hit 25!!
sadly everyone is against me going... haiz

its getting really annoying for pple to ask me y i still hadnt had a bf yet... even my closefrens r questioning me now.... y cant i dun hv a bf?? y??
pressure... pressure... pressure!! urgghhh
plz pple.... I KNOW IM NT GETTING ANY YOUNGER!! but im nt ready for commitment yet.... it takes time... the right one hadnt come yet...
"yah2... if u dun open urself up, how is the one gonna come? if u dun give any1 a chance to get close/know u closer, how wld u know of the possibilities??"
well... i believe he will... im sure there's a way... somehow...

oohhh btw.... i kinda like my job...
not exactly the job la.... i like to see the weird human reactions...
the funny, the cheeky, the scared, the blur, the stuck up, the furious, the irritated, the persuasive, the cant-be-bother, the impatient, the super talkative, the overly-friendly, the serious, the boastful, the serious n etc
its gives me tt instant entertainment, smile n anger at times!
its a job whereby u can get verbal compliments easily!! nice2 ones!!
never had so much before this.... even my own bf(last time) dun passed nice remarks to me
they all love my sweet smile... hehe...
its like everyday there's bound to hv at least 5!!(i dun count them la)
so its like a norm...but it feels gd tt ur service is being appreciated. cant help it cos i hv all the customer service backgrounds... been working in service line since i was 17...
hahahha but its true... no kidding. if i were to list them, it be too long.
well maybe cos im a girl... it'll be harder for guys i guess.
today there's this grp in a car... talking bout me n i happen to respond n they gt suprised n wondered hw i can hear them n ask where we put the mic at!! kekeke sey.... they offered jobs...
"my dear gal... ur too pretty to be an immigration officer.. we're fm the airport.. join us... wanna join? we can give recommendations"
errrmmm nvm i dun accept any offers when im on duty. thank u.

ohhh btw, no, im nt trying to brag.
come on, pple r jus so murah(generous) with their compliments.... we get it all the time... really, all the time....
not forgeting the fact tt they mistook me as a chinese. oh-so-many-of them!!

saz was telling me the other day, "zann, did u go for tanning??... cos u looked tanner now... ok now u look more malayish" kekeke

~~Love Zann~~

tt morning shoppin at mustafa centre

2007-05-19T20:38:00.000+08:00

i love taking pictures of structures...

it was past midnite so the whole station was empty...

i was alone so i took pix there... nice!! i like.

taken while waiting for Yam, Radin n Zehan to meet me

hahhaa... of all places, Yam suggested Mustafa centre!!!

we walked ard... did some shopping n had supper....

Zehan n me were so choosy over cabs cos there's alot ar... we took the mercedes one in the end... haha!!
tt day reached hm ard 5am jus in time to get ready for work...

yup history does repeats itself...

im crazy enough going out n nt sleeping before going to work on morning shifts!!

~~Love Zann~~

sistaz outing

2007-05-19T18:03:00.000+08:00

days hv been tiring

sleep deprivation!!! urrghhh its getting rather annoying... u know, tt feeling of not having enuff sleep.. urrgghhh

for the past consecutive 6 days or so, i nvr had more than 4hrs of sleep..
i've been travelling alot.. in singapore la... hhehee...
bus hopping, taxi, mrt, nel...

ohhh went shoppin at bugis wif sis yest!! loving it...

its so fun to shop ard... bought a couple of things...

sis is always taking over the 'big sis' role whenever we're out... hahaha she controls me... esp my money n ever extravagant urge to buy this n that... be it food, clothes, stuff, acessories n etc.

even so, i still spends alot. at least minimise spendings la.

for the first time we ate hawker food... hahahhaa cos normally we wld dine in restaurant... nt tt i dun wana treat... sis craving for mee rebus! ahakz...

ok! nxt stop... orchard road... shop for other things!!

i love going out with sis.

kinda miss her cos she's always busy with exams/projects/test/extra classes... o lvl this year babe!

i dun hv time to entertain her at times too... she complains seh!! sori darling, i still love u la!! been busy...

been tired.. freaking tired lately....

slept in bus all wrapped up... bus pretty empty today i dunno y...

when i woke up its alrdy wdlds.... so cool!! tts fast...

den when i alight, someone approached me... he took same bus, nxt seat. the approach is cool cos he recognise me cos of my skates!!

"erm... excuse me... mind spare me a minute?? u skate rite? r u the gal wif the white skates?? the g2 floral design.....(the conversation goes on)"

but he cant recall where he saw me though! tts weird...

wats cool is, his name starts with 'A' too. haha

i hv this thing over pple whose names starts with A cute pple with nice smiles esp with dimple!

he tot i was heading to sch, to republic polytechnic.. haha!

coincidently, his uncle is my colleague... hahaha

i came late aft lunch cos i overslept... fuyoohh overshot seh!!

they all went looking for me.. kecohz...

sheeshh paiseh... i was really tired seh, im nt kidding..

Hamzah was so worried cos i looked shagged, he's afraid i might collapse or anythin happen to me tt he forces me to sleep in the bus.. kekekeke

he even walk me hm... kekek seh, ape saje!!

oh btw, the nachos at cheers r so yummy!!!

recommended!! its only $2.05

~~Love Zann~~

2007-05-15T10:08:00.000+08:00

13may was my cute cousin's 4th bday!

he had an awesome cake.. super huge with cars on top! cost over $60!!

cute la Ayul... makes me feel like having a kid!

yeah i want a baby!! hahaha... hmmm... maybe i'll adopt one. heh.

was freaking tired.. penat ape pun tak tahu.

for the first time i slept during my break on my night shift. wahhh shiok!! thankfully i was nicely deployed too!! :)

today, it suddenly rained heavily. bus 168 came late, the queue was damn long!!!

for the first time(i took bus 168) it jammed at the expressway all the way... bus ride took longer!!

i realised one thing. i pampered myself too much.

watever i want... i will want to get it... especially food n entertainment. too much good food. it seems like i dun mind spending though i do realised tt i way overbudget. hahaha... i give in to myself too much.

time for some discipline... laziness also sets in place! hv to stop the "ahh.. later la" attitude...

i wanna go on a holiday!! cant wait!!

somehow the urge of getting out of singapore is so great!

haha *winks*

~~Love Zann~~

2007-05-13T00:14:00.000+08:00

a tribute to all mothers!!
thank u for giving lives to all of us, we wont be here without u
9 mths of pregnancy n child labour itself aint easy..
Happy Mother's Day!!

we may fight or dun agree with one another but we will never bring ourselves to hate our mum!!
aint tt cool??
i may nt have a perfect mum but im still thankful i still hv one!!

today's payday too... hmmmm.... time for financial planning again!
yay... i can afford a holiday!! problem is, where n when n with whom?!
hmmmm.... brisbane/tioman/phuket/krabi/langkawi/bali ??
haiz... there's still alot to settle first..

ooh ya, yest went to pasar mlm at wdlands again!
this time with diff pple la... ate in bus again.. hahaha...
farah, jannah, fir, radin n me went to catch midnite movie at CS...
the process of deciding wat to do is so funny n draggy.. hahaha!
in the end, we catch the sneak preview for the movie "Next"
the movie will only be out on 17may...
cool effects!! ooooooohhh i like... style la the storyline but the ending is a lil disappointing!
overall, its a good movie la...
we grab some bite fm Mcd n smuggled in the movie.. kekeke
after tt we hangout for awhile at tamp, end up walking them hm.. Radin send me off in a cab n by the time i reached hm(4++am) its alrdy time to get ready for work...
fuhhh im super tired. no i didnt faint.
i always hv lots of energy, dunno y.

speaking of energy, i had sudden urge for camping... yeah i miss camping!!
i wanna kayak too.. i wanna go for another expidition, its been some time i did any activities...
tt also reminds me tt im losing my tan... shit! im yellow again... no time for a tan or do any activity under tt hot blazing sun...

thanks Ir for coming down n listens... appreciate it! :)
hahaha... im one unstable girl... my mind's in a mess!! n whole system went haywire...
its not bout the treats, i can afford them myself... i dun need it
i jus wan some time off as a friend...

~~Love Zann~~

mysterious persons...

2007-05-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

i've never been this poor before!
my bank acc hit the lowest!! hahahaha
"best arh zann, da tahu takde duit lagi leh spend spend!!"
nvm, it will replenish soon come may 12th...

there's this person who msg me on friendster telling me wat team im in, wat colour im wearing to work n which counter im doing most of the days... ish ish!! he clm he's a colleague fm another team n i hv no idea who tt person was!! i hv such bad memory. he clm he walked past me b4 i dunno.
there's this another guy who clm tt i cleared him before, goodness!
these days, i hv strangers smiling at me outside, so i jus smiled back. wonder who they are. hahaha. i think im just paranoid!

ohhh i hv unknown person who will sms me informing me of team activities but didnt want me to know who he/she is. sot seh! tt one cfm my team mates.
2 days ago, i opened my pigeon hole n received a sketch of me!! its funny cos it didnt look like me... gd attempt though! thanks la its sweet, whoever u are! i wonder if its for me, wonder if tt person gt the right person. it reads... "from your secret admirer.. azizan" tt person didnt sign off though.
hmmmm... i wonder who.
life's so full of mystery.......

~~Love Zann~~

life for now...

2007-05-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

im lost somewhere in the woods...
yam n me... miss her!
haiz being in diff teams make it so hard to hang out together...

saz, zann, yam, radin
saz n me
pix taken 2 may 07 at the ICA Spiderman 3 movie, suntec city...

life's been rather calm n relax...
no more late night conversations, no more constant sms beeping, no more dates... i dun share stuff with anyone anymore...
actually kinda miss having someone close... someone more than jus a fren...
someone who i could think of all the time.. making me smile simply thinking of him
someone i looking forward meeting with
someone i'll miss all the time
someone i can love n be loved in return
someone i can hug so tightly
someone to kiss so passionately
someone i can confide in
someone to lend me a shoulder to cry on
someone to "manja" with

been on my own lately... alone. tts like so normal nw.
keep to myself, nvr talked to anyone. communication is kept to a minimal.. minding my own business. something's changed n tts strange.
i get lonely at times! haiz....

i dun hv a life? hehe.. maybe.
all i do is, go work, eat, sleep. keeping myself at hm n be a gd girl.
i miss hanging out.. i miss clubbing... i miss having fun...
those days are over...

it jus aint easy for me to like someone. maybe cos im nt looking for one.
i jus hope i dun end up being a lesbian. haha. ish cant let tt happen!
so far, the only one i really like is fuzzy n tts tt.

~~Love Zann~~

Off to JB again....

2007-05-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

well nothing much on work today... i jus hv alot of counters!!

ohhh the access card machines broke down n create a chaos, conjested arrival halls n pple rushing for bus as they're late for work...

hell no to OT for today!! kekkee
officially separated fm Kak Sam, gosh, gonna miss her!!

cldnt wait for 8am to knock off... was freaking sleepy.. hadnt had sufficient sleep past few days... *yawns*

aft changing... Lan suddenly wanted to go jb again... well, there supposed to hv soccer game aft work which was eventually cancelled as everyone's so tired.. i was really tired but im really craving for dunkin donuts!!

no one brought ppst n Lan alrdy paid for the car use for the day.. so i decide to jus go.. again! felt refresh after tt...

we left by wdlands this time round...

he wanted to add somethin to his car, did some maintaince.... waited n kinda slept while waiting for the installation to be ready...

went to Plaza Angsana for my donuts!! finally! i love chosing them... feel like a kid!! yummy yummy...

at the same time, we went supermarket to buy some rations for work.haahaha.

had lunch. wow my super spicy tom yam never fails to give me the sweats! fill up fuel n back to singapore!!

i spent so much jus like tt, easily rm100... hehehe

we saw alot of damaged public property in jb due to car accidents... woahh malaysian driver r like Formula1 racers... they're skilled drivers though!! :P

do we really look tt young??

me n Lan always get stopped or questioned by officers cos they misguided us as some underaged teens.

on our way back, at green channel the ICA lady really chk seh... well i cooperate la. i even open the front car compartment n cigarette for her to see...

den we stopped again infront by K9 officer. he gave us this suspicious look. chkd the car again. i opened the door n compartments n showed him the car tkt for weekend car use. he asked for our ppst n look thru them carefully.. wahhh betulnye chk seh!!

at the biodata page, i noticed he was calculating somethin, maybe our age! 1984 n 1981 is definitely nt underaged sir... we're both over 21.

den he look through our endorsement n god-knows wat else he's looking for... he keep looking at us for signs but we're both calm. Lan jus didnt want 100% chk cos dogs will come in the car. gosh we jus sent it for car wash seh! we hog the traffic seh, cars behind us cant move... when he's satisfied, he asked, "u guys smoke?" hahahha

showed his cigarettes n he let us go.. phew no 100% chk!

earlier i was telling Lan... tt there's nothin interesting today...

there u go! an interesting one!!

~~Love Zann~~

first time via 2nd Link aka Tuas chkpt via car

2007-05-07T14:05:00.000+08:00

something cool: i cleared a 6-pax Singaporean family in a car both upon departure n arrival!! how cool is that?? such coincidence!!
they jus love me i guess... mcm faham je mane counter aku!
hehehe

went JB yest right aft work at 8am...
again... it was supposed to be a group outing but no one brought passport except me n Lan...
most shops were closed on sunday morning so we spin ard...
Lan wanted to exit via Tuas chkpt instead, i hadnt been there so im rather excited too...
Tuas chkpt is so cool!! super spacious with NO traffic but very few counters/zones... so unlike wlds chkpt!
the views are so nice... linkway is super relaxing n new.... it'll be cool to work there... such vast difference in environment
ohhh btw, at m'sia chkpt, the immigration officer cleared our ppst smiling, dunno y....
den at their customs chks, the custom officer's name is Azizan, a nice chatty old man... kekke... i guess they're jus too free so we had a lil chat.
"tu tunag awak kape?? awak ni due2 umur berape?? haiz budak2 muda ni pagi2 nak gi mane aje?? kedai semua tutup la.... ni da mkn ke lum? ..." the chat goes on cos Lan went on n layan him... :P

me in the bus otw to work.... haiz.. so lonely!
miniature car in Lan's car... cute!
beautiful views otw to jb via tuas chkpt.... love it! super smooth road/traffic...

im loving the ride at high speed... weeeee~!!
finally we see civilisation!! .... aft a long ride fm the chkpt
Lan's concentrating on the road...

~~Love Zann~~

2007-05-05T15:12:00.000+08:00

my skates....
his skates...
received news tt most of them aint coming....

nice rite the view....

our dinner.... his treat! :)
i left the hse at 6am lookin like this! hehehe.. yup go work like tt!

reached the end of pathway....
tts khai...

i love ECP!!

2007-05-05T13:50:00.000+08:00

went skating at ECP yest!!
we went fm one end to another...i've never been to such places in ECP before... so its cool!!
we skate all the way down til the end of pathway towards the city n all the way up to outward bound school.
we stopped by bedok jetty also!! such nice views... ahhh love it! :)
i love ECP...
gosh i wanna skate there again!

ok... it was supposed to be a grp outing but most of them didnt make it in the end so its jus me n khai... sounds like a date huh?? kekeke
the rest sort of.. ermmm... didnt wanna sweat!! wtf??
they rather go kareoke/watch movie... well, maybe nxt cycle den!
we didnt sweat much actually cos the sea breeze is so cooling...

khai's skates are super smooth, much higher grade than mine la...
he's a pro man!! seasoned skater!! im still amatuer la
cant even brake well... kekkeke....
didnt wear my full protective gears so i didnt dare try out certain stuff..
thankfully he's there, i wldnt survived on my own.. haha! all those up n down slopes...
but we both didnt fall!! Khai had cramps la.... poor boy!
i keep breaking my nails... urgghh!

oh yeah, btw... for the very first time someone asked me if im filipinaz cos she thought i looked like one. she's this sweet filipino lady in one of the ECP toilet.

we had dinner at mac marine cove... tt place is full of skaters... its been sometime i last had chicken foldover!! n im lovin it!!
khai's treat!! so the food tastes so much tastier.. haha...
bought subway cookies too... always love them!!
khai made me guilty eating them cos its fattening... watever! i dun care

we're both tired so we took cab to bedok n separated...
he's crazy cos he's on morning shift, luckily im on night shift man!

on my way back, in a bus.... there's this group of cute boys(ok i mentioned boys) seated next to/near me....
the bus is so packed n our seats are pretty crampy cos im with my skates n they're with their guitars...
they're so freaking funny, i cant help but laugh.. they teased me all the way sehh... nvm, i jus keep quiet...
every stop, the guy beside me keep asking... "ermm... r u stopping here?" merepikz seh... kononnye nak gentleman la, nak give way if im dropping off... haha
"ohh ur dropping off next too?? me too! tts so cool" ape saje je tu pun cool ke? hahaha
when we alighted, another guy came up to me for exchange of number.
me: ohhhh y?
him: he's interested
me: hmmmm... er...
him: so how? or .... u think its ok?
me: ermm... nvm la... its ok...
him: oohh ok. tc... hope to see ya ard
me: btw, how old r u guys?
him: 18-19 yrs old. y? r we too old?? u dun like older frens huh?
me: *smiles* heh. (i tot so)
him: how old you?
me: *trying to walked away but he asked again* ermmm... 22. ok gtg this way.. bye!
him: tts ok wat. tak jauh pe! hey.... see ya ard gal...

ok stop it seh!! i guess the episode of me n younger guys never ends...
n i cant seem to hv attraction towards older/more matured guys either! cute, boyish, baby-faced guys are much cuter rite?? hehehe...

~~Love Zann~~

2007-05-03T01:26:00.000+08:00

gosh, this is gonna be one long entry...

dad wants me to quit my job. haiz...

y am i always nt good enough for u??
haiz.... i sit n think deeply... all these years, i've been tryin to make u proud of me, been trying hard to get your attention, your love cos im always lacking of it....
i never realised i've been doing all tt all these while...
doing the best i can to please u.... but i always failed....
y cant u love me?? like u love the others?? y?? y do u always find fault in me?? y do u hv to always hurt me? jus cos i keep quiet doesnt mean im really strong n tt i do not have any feelings.. come on, im only human...
wat more shd i go to make u love n appreciate me?? plz...

reflecting back.... i've been trying to please them as far as i can. i guess i never succeeded. im never gt enough for them. :)
also realised i nvr really had made a decision on my own. i mean i did, but mostly to please them, in hope of they'll be proud of me... haiz...
i remembered, i chosed Ngee Ann sec cos u both wanted me to, it wasnt really my choice... but no doubt, its a gd school...
almost 90% of the time i so-called wasnt allowed to chose on my own.
i pushed myself to do well academically n watever way possible to make u proud... but im never good enough.
i did alot, alot, ALOT of things for your sake or mostly influenced by u... i was never appreciated...

i never get wat i wanted... never!
always wanted to learn taekwondo, take music lessons, ballet, a pair of skates, dance n lots lots more!!
had to even work part-time to earn tt extra cash or save up to get stuffs i want...
i had to force u to come to parents meetings, even if u came, ur uninterested n sleep at such functions...
u never attended in any of my prize giving presentations, be it school events or private organisations! being the top of the class/stream still wasnt gt enough!! distinctions werent gt enough?? wtf
i even had to cry before u agreed to come to my diploma graduation.
u never attended any of my dance performances.... infact, u were never supportive of it. i only rem once at kallang theatre n tts cos grandma wanted to come n u had to accompany her.. thankfully granny was a dancer too! i stop practising cos of u too cos u didnt like it, nt wanting me to be like my late uncle...
u never picked me up fm the airport each time i came back fm an overseas trip!! n lots lots more
u never asked for my opinion or cared bout my emotions. only when pple told u or talk bout it, u'll asked me. i always wanted to confide in u, telling u wat happen in my life, bout my work, my friends.... but u never bothered n wasnt interested... sob sob :(

so nw, im kinda numb.. got used to it.
no point tryin to "care" when i dun need it. y call me when i aint hm yet? i "learn" to take care of myself...
y only care bout coming hm late? upset when i forgot to call?
it feels weird cos i guess im still trying to please u... though i know i still wont be appreciated. at times, i tried to get ur attention. i always strive to stand out. well, tts wat a child always do, always wanting parents to be proud of them....
y cant u treat me like u treated them?? ur bias.... tts unfair...

lack of love... yeah tts wat i lack of.
especially now tt im single,i dun hv tt special someone to depend on too..
haiz... nvm. life's never fair... n its never perfect. i guess tts wat makes me stronger...
pple admired my patience, deterence n strength to be unaffected. who says i wasnt affected?? in fact, im a very emotional person. somehow, life's hv gt to move on... accept it n try harder... i know, one day, the both of u will appreciate me... i know...

hahaha.. was jus pouring out my feelings... but i will be ok. i know i will. i always do. my siblings n aunts knows i survived such treatments.

did my very first OT last tuesday... hehe... kinda cool!
so tts like 14hrs of shift!! kekkee
im still understudying now, but i wanted to step up to do on my own.

watched spiderman 3 jus now....
its so cool... i love the special effects...
it was emotional too... teared when Harry died.
it was an ICA event, tickets for only $4 babe!! cool offer!!
was the first time i watched movies at Engwah, suntec city...
cant wait for Private of the Carribean!!!

i still hv flashbacks of some scenes fm the movie Turista...
euuww so gruesome!! it cant seem to go away...
hahahhaa....

its someone's 23rd bday today..
well... i guess im nt allowed to have any form of communication with u.
at least, i alrdy did wish you in advance...

~~Love Zann~~

buck up! cheers!! :)

2007-04-30T02:58:00.000+08:00

yay!! it didnt rain today!! i jus hv to get out of the hse....

catched Turista today.... thrilling movie!!

makes me think twice of going to a beach location... hehehe

i swear i was shaking the whole time!!! esp fm the centre part of the movie till the end.... hahahha

somemore the cinema is kinda empty.... no one even sit at our whole left side of the aisle, eveyone seated in the centre or right aisle... so we had perfect view!! n there we hv 2 "scary cats" at corner, trying to block our visions fm the gruesome scenes!! kekek sey! muhahaha...

Ir is being so irritating, making alot of noise n wanting to leave the cinema... rabakz seh!!! thanks eh, ur so not helping!!

so ok.... up next... Spiderman 3, Hot Fuzz, 28 weeks later, Pirates of the Carribean n more to come....

hahaha im back being a movie freak like i've always been!!

arrgggghhh window shopping always tempt me so much tt it leads to shopping... dammitz!!

cant wait for pay day....

btw there's an NS40 exhibition at tamp mrt there... so cool!!
i love the army n all the cool gadgets!!
i used to say i wld want to request for 1 week bmtc(no 1 wk will do, 3mth is too much.. hahaha!), n i shall say it again.... now the bag n xbo is so nice!!
tried the SAR21 jus now too... best nye!! so cool gt lazer beam
well... i hv an ex-officer 2nd Liet to guide me thru... wahahahaa....
saw familiar SCDF stuffs tt Fred n Z tell me about n army thingy tts kinda familiar to me... its like im suddenly so knowledgeable .... kirekan da terror ah! chey chey!! cos alot pple share their NS experience wif me n im so so interested!!
n ohhh Abg Hairul(SCDF DART) pix of the tsunami relief is displayed there too!! chey chey!! steady ar....

ok i gotta stop being an emo!! i cld easily cry simply by listening to sad love songs....
i jus cried in public jus now.... tamp mall to be precise! dunno y out of the sudden sad flashbacks/bad thoughts jus came rushing to my mind n i started to get all teary n red!! kekeke
come on, where's the positive side of me go?? gotta get out of my stress eating n my stupid emo shit!!!! Zann's gotta be stronger than this....

shutting down myself fm communication got me thinking....

i, myself, dunno wat im doing.... i dunno y i got scared when someone tries to get close n i always retreat.... Sot sey! Sorry la i jus cant la...

well.... i know now, for sure, i aint ready for any relationship yet....

only the right "one" will be able to end this fear n till then will i settle down... insyallah....

~~Love Zann~~

saturation point

2007-04-27T14:59:00.000+08:00

hmmmm.... i hit my saturation point again!
the point where u "push" me n i wont even move.....
the "malas n tak kuasa nak layan' mode... haiz... tired la(not physically)

too tired to manage my friendster account alrdy.... so many messages to reply all the time, so many pple i dunno tts trying hard to capture ur attention...
haiz... sorry la eh, friendster acc is only for pple i know... i wont hestitate to reject request(tak baik seh aku) or dun reply at all. hahaha...
i mean, get to know me first la, be my friend den im ok...
its really annoying esp when ask/given hp number at first approach!!

tired to reply sms/ans calls too.... sori la....
lazy, tired, cant-be-bothered mood plus the weather's pretty laid back.
it kept raining... like forever.

been having time by myself lately....
hate it when pple interupt my peace....
hmmmm i guess its PMS, issit??

chocolates are my addiction now....
cravings gets so much stronger now... urgh!!!
n yeah, im getting so much chubbier n fatter. whatever. i know. wtf.
bye.

~~Love Zann~~

rain....

2007-04-26T00:32:00.000+08:00

thanks to the rain.... im so drenched. changed three time n i still end up wet!! urrgghhh...
ohhh n i fell twice too... no serious injury though!!
fell off my skates n bike.... skates due to some stuff i did n bike cos its slippery!! haha... droplets of raindrops were so violent n strong tt it hit me hard... ouch.... the sudden strong rain hits my face real hard(ouch!) n distrupts my vision, i cant see a thing.... my whole skate, socks, t-shirt, short, undergarment all wet in matter of seconds!!
was shivering in cold!!! burrrrrrr.....

exam was tough bt i think can pass la....abit of help rendered to me!
gosh i miss yam badly!!

speaking of which, missing marlia too!! baby elephant princess miss ya marl!!! i rained! (cried)the news shock me i was shaking n cried instantenously..
ok... this is wat happenned, on mon, was marl send an sms saying she changed her number.... miss her. went to her blog, n even tagged her.
wanted to txt her but it was way past midnite past midnite. so i was thinkin of sms-ing in the morning....
the nxt morning, rvd news tt she passed away.... i was shaking!! i was thinking abt her jus yest n suddenly the news!
i asked ard desperately for confirmation..... alrdy break down n cry.... flashback of her/us together rushes in! the news jus cant be true!!!
shaf even drop by her hse to chk. hours later, shaf n eddy cfm tt she's fine, resting aft an ops. Apparently her hp was stolen sumone played a prank...
gosh!! its totally UNACCEPTABLE for pple to joke abt death of other pple.
syukurla she's ok nm....

im spoiling my skates cos i keep walking in mud, soil n water.... no choice!!
k im still drenched now.. need a warm shower n gd sleep.
its ard 1am n gtg work by 6am. bye!!

~~Love Zann~~

Graduation pix

2007-04-21T11:12:00.000+08:00

gosh miss them all.....

hahhaha backdated pix.... now then i post them

link for our photo montage:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wn6aOaQ5oUQ#GU5U2spHI_4

~~Love Zann~~

2007-04-21T10:44:00.000+08:00

law exam nxt wed i hadnt study at all...
im so screwed!! everyone seem to be so anxious and kept talking bout it
i guess the urgency/mood to study will come in later'
will try to study abit tmr.... i know i hv ALOT to go thru... *dead*

i think i like shifts!! :)
i get to spend more time with bro n sis!! loving it
miss bro alrdy.... had gd time with him on our hp hunt n stuff...
of cos i absolutely love time with sis... *hugs*

its a small world n its so true!!
alot of pple r i know happen to cross path one another... *winks*

yest my lil cousin Ayul came over n we had to babysit him...
poor sis hv to attend to him most of the time
tt super hype lil rascal keep running ard.... its tiring to have boys i guess
ok i want girls on my own.... boys r so playful n hyper... penatz!
had fun though....

past few days, my deployment seem to be good... rather slack
today's off n nothing is confirmed yet. i wanna go out.
but i hadnt had sufficient sleep past 2 days, infact hadnt sleep at all last nite...

i dunno y everyone keep askin if im married.... i guess tts common practise here
nxt qn, "ni mesti ade boyfren kan??"
nxt qn, "kenapa takde/taknak boyfren??'"
nxt comment: ""ur 23 tau.... bile lagi tu?? takpe wdlands byk lelaki.. sini leh cari la... no prob"
urghhh everyone say the same thing. kinda tired of listening to "'template" response...
its irritating actually....

someone keep teasing me n it irrates me! urghhhh stop it la eh.... shut up k...
n worst, u hv to be on my team!! hahahahaahaha
gosh miss the rest of the guys.....

im sorry i cant give wat u expected of me...
simply cant.... wasnt u... its jus me...

~~Love Zann~~

Happy Birthday to my lil darling!!! :)

2007-04-19T13:50:00.000+08:00

tired fm going hm late lately....
fuuhhh almost everyday gt sumthin on...

ohhh i got my stuff alrdy n im very excited bout it... i still do!!

now need to find time off my busy schedules....

meet Ven yest, though little time spend but enjoyed it!! *hugs* love u n miss u babe!! looking forward to next meeting....

i always enjoyed a good conversation wif her.... "r u looking for a r/s or someone u wanna spend ur life wif??"

hmmmm something to ponder about....

alot of wise advices n sharing of stuff going on... thanks babe!!

hmmm looking forward to dec2008!

felt bad turning down Lyana n Rosy... gosh!

need to better manage my plans.... urgh!! no time la...

was really excited to be in ctc with Sya now... goodness we're so happy tt day we met!! haha old friends... still the same ol pple! :)

ish been spending alot now... so many stuff bought!! apparel esp
i realised tt im getting more n more casual these days... maybe its time to scrap all the "office" clothes n heels away...

so now, i hit way above my limits... hp bills need to be settled nxt mth...
ish ish i guess i HAVE to do OT alrdy.... cant survive... haiz...

oohh btw, HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY to my dearest sista ALLA!!!

*big hugs n kisses* love u so much darling!!!!

wewitt... dah 17 seh.... k i gtg buy groceries.... need to cook..

menu for today: beef spagetti, chicken & muchroom soup + garlic bread

n mini cake!!!

presents later la... need to go shopping wif her...

~~Love Zann~~

cheers

2007-04-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

too much emotional stuff have been going on...
i didnt wish to elaborate here...
hv been disappointed n down back-to-back but i cant dwell on it.
sometimes its best tt u give in n let the other party hv the last say. even when u think its unfair or disagree with it. let it be. ur opinion or explanation or say may nt be need or necessary. jus stay calm n let pple think/say wat they want....
everyday is a learning day!!

im trying hard to manage my emotions. been managing it well.
i cant afford to lose myself. i really cant.

staying away fm work politics or gossips too.
as wat my aneh told me, "go to work, do ur work n go home"
im taking tt advise bro!! *hugs*
being the one of the 3 pple n also the only gal posted to my team makes me the minority. its alrite. no use complaining, instead start focusing on the positive side!
so far, i've been ok. survived so far. staying as low profile as i can be. :)

went window shopping with Saz!! coolness~
a date after a long long time!! haha starting to open up abit now
im loving it.... its making my shopping list goes longer. lol
getting my k2 soon, 7th grade is sufficient.... its whitish grey n i love it... cant wait to get it!! woohoo... retail price: $512
badly needed a watch.... damn! im eyeing the cream wristband nike merge!! such a beauty... $259
went to roxy jus now, unfortunately, the black super-nice chic winter jacket is no longer in stock!! urgghhh.... nvm more reasons nt to spend. it cost $198
chk out the Creative Zen V Plus 2gb Pink Limited Edition MP3!! its so cute n mini... i want it so much... changed my intentions of getting the i-Pod instantly!! but im nt sure if i need it.... will consider it though!! $179
i so want tt Pink/gold nike sneakers... so nice!! goodness $89.90 on disc!!
i dun need a psp but its so tempting.... esp the pink one!! $299

hmmmm im getting so materialistic!! haiz...
urgghh so many other stuffs i wanted to buy.... but nah, i cant!!

watched The Reaping jus now.... nice!!
i tot its some virus epidemic movie but its nt!! its some twisting triller.... haha.. jumped out of my chair n screamed a couple of times... im prone to tt la :p

~~Love Zann~~

im missing out on alot of stuff.....

2007-04-11T15:25:00.000+08:00

ish ish.... sleep deprivation tires me up!!
need to sleep more...
i realised tt i've been doin all things im nt supposed to do... hahaha
goodness... Azizan... u need to be more discipline!!

i've been travelling alot these days... so funny hw i can spend so much money n time on it!! my ezLink card even went minus value tt i had to pay $7 in cash for my rides... been taking alot of taxi too cos im jus so tired + lazy!!!
been reviewing my expenditures past few mths.... alot spend on food n trpt.... ish ish.... i guess its time to convert all tt to products!!
yay... so i can shop n buy more stuff for myself!!! :)

yest... spend almost $100 at watsons alone... muahahahaha
i can easily spend $100 at ntuc too.. felt so auntie-auntie la go supermarket but sumhow i enjoyed doing it!! buying groceries n necessities for myself n the family... hehhe... habit seh!! mum alrdy nagging at me for buying so much stuffs home n spending alot!! hahaha..

oh btw, past few days been chilling out alot... been going hm really late...
last sun, 8apr, was our batch's last supper la.... only the expected pple turned up... basically me, yam, matt, fir, janna, fara, tapa.... n ras(yay!) n saz(yay!! jiwa seh budak tuas)... coincidently it was our 3rd mth tog as well!! fara's financee, redza n zool were there too....
so sad tt we're all in diff teams so tt means diff shifts n off days... no more part of the committe!! hahaha
:( im separated fm my "168" buddies.... haiz... unfair... nvm... life's always bout changes! move on zann....

yay.. finally gt my 1gb memory card..so trfrd all my files n dld alot of songs too... thanks ir~!! returned back his 64mb...
the best part: gt it for free... yay!! *hugs*
as usual, each time im there, i 'll fall asleep... hehehe.. paiseh seh... rabakz!! da penatz gile ar....
his mum cook sweet n sour fish.. yum yum... i like!! :)
ir complaint cos she practise favourtism... wahahaha.. too bad la eh...

alot of my old frens starts to come up to me n im loving it...
Liyana... i love n miss her alot... so excited tt she called!! she's getting married in july... gosh miss her alot!!
Juliana, Widya n Fizah... miss them too... suma da ade family! ok i feel old.... padahal same age!!
Rosiyana... sori babe.. been busy la... will schedule a meet-up soon...
Fred.... we're gd now... happy tt he's happy!!
San.... gosh miss him!! need to catch up with tt teacher la...
meet n bump into a couple of old frens/colleagues....goodness miss all of them alot!!!
ohh speaking of which, meet my dearest Kak Reeina n she says im so tembam n fat n tanned now!! hahaha really tt bad huh?? miss her now!!

i've been so preoccupied with watever-stuff-i-dun-even-know tt i missed out on alot of stuffs!!!
havent been watchin tv lately!!! gosh, this cant be happening!! im a tv freak!!! miss all my programmes.....
i havent been dating in a long time also.... dunno y i put a stop to it... nt interested la...

i miss my b.... cant wait for friday....
goodness... fri plz come by quickly.... cant wait!! hehehe

oh btw, im attached to a mentor nw, her name is kak samsiah... tts my granny's name!! she's very knowledgable!! can be a lil strict la but its all good... i need to learn as much as possible before i be on my own later...

tonite's gonna be my first nite shift... hahaaha
hopefully it'll be fun... i hv to tahan the whole shifts... im sort of an nocturnal creature!! hehehehe cheers!!

~~Love Zann~~

--**Zany Zany Zan**--

Endless problems

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!

spendrift

short trip... work... cramps...

happy

worries

love is in the air

pix of past trips n events

time for some pictures....

stress???

busy busy busy

seventeen?

funny!!!

overexerting myself

My Day outz.. love them all..

new year eve

last day at work

tiring....

SOS!!!

so this is Christmas

pix of me now....

happy!!

wat im doin so far? nothing much really

i lost my glow

chill 'ol me

changes

direction-less

One Last - Taufik Batisah

Happy 23 bday to me!!

i've gt mail!! lots n lots or it!!

it aint supposed to hurt

in fine now :)

disappointment

my ranting after a long time

WOW!!! ITS BEEN A LONG LONG TIME

jus some rantings!!

i hate feeling weak

We went to the Zoo!!!

some thoughts

i miss my tan...

unwell

i fell sick... unexpctedly!!

Flat

absence

shopping with Ir...

compliments

tt morning shoppin at mustafa centre

sistaz outing

mysterious persons...

life for now...

Off to JB again....

first time via 2nd Link aka Tuas chkpt via car

i love ECP!!

buck up! cheers!! :)

saturation point

rain....

Graduation pix

Happy Birthday to my lil darling!!! :)

*cheers*

im missing out on alot of stuff.....

--Zany Zany Zan--

cheers